# A mushroom is not a fucking garden vegetable! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 4, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102 "2008-11-04T18:54:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/1 "2008-11-04T18:54:18Z")
If you’re going to market your spaghetti sauce as Chunky Garden Vegetable, and show bell peppers, onions, and tomatoes on your pretty label, then don’t sneak in chunks of fucking mushrooms. Gah! Mushrooms aren’t garden vegetables. Nobody grows mushrooms in their gardens — not on purpose, anyway. Mushrooms grow in caves, between people’s toes, and under the beds of people being inspected by aliens. They are a fucking FUNGUS! Gawd-all-mighty, you can’t find a fucking thing without the dead weight of mushrooms. It’s like water added to chicken and ham just to add weight to the packages. Mushrooms taste like dirt. They ARE dirt. They’re just orbs of organic spores stuck together by the vegetative equivalent of dried snot. Plus, they look like penis heads. Chunky Garden Vegetable my ass. Thank God I didn’t buy your Four Fucking Cheese. I shudder to think. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/2 "2008-11-04T18:57:11Z")
Smegma isn’t a cheese? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/3 "2008-11-04T18:58:47Z")
Speaking of between people’s toes, you really need to try my special marinara recipe. I call it Little Piggy. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/4 "2008-11-04T19:13:21Z")
This is on the Pit? If you had bought the Four Fucking Cheese, I could understand, as I can only think of three fucking cheeses. All of them smell bad. ---
**Author:** ![Algorithm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/algorithm/32/12204_2.png) [@Algorithm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algorithm)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/5 "2008-11-04T19:17:31Z")
Also, some mushrooms get you high. ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/6 "2008-11-04T19:21:53Z")
Mushrooms are awesome. Especially [chanterelles](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chanterelle). (Or [lobster mushrooms](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomyces_lactifluorum), [black trumpet mushrooms](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Craterellus), and [hedgehog mushrooms](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog_mushrooms).) Especially chanterelles that you’ve [gathered yourself](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mushroom_hunting) and then sauteed in butter and garlic. You’re not eating the right mushrooms. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/7 "2008-11-04T19:26:39Z")
I don’t understand at all. I think they did you a favor by showing the mushrooms on the label, as that way you knew not to buy it. I personally love mushrooms and think they add wonderful and subtle flavor to spaghetti sauce, but I will admit that the flavor is pervasive; you cannot possible just eat around the mushrooms to avoid it. Would you have rathered not have the warning? ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/8 "2008-11-04T19:29:09Z")
> [@Algorithm](#): > > Also, some mushrooms get you high. I need the name of that spaghetti sauce brand, please. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/9 "2008-11-04T19:30:57Z")
> [@Astroboy14](#): > > I need the name of that spaghetti sauce brand, please. Preg-ooooooh, wow! ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/10 "2008-11-04T19:39:14Z")
People were not meant to eat fungus. I can’t tell you how many supposedly gourmet meals have been completely fucking ruined by surrounding otherwise perfectly good food in that godawful stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/11 "2008-11-04T19:46:33Z")
You will not taste mushrooms in a store-bought sauce. You’ll taste tomatoes, probably green peppers, and if you’re real good you might be able to pick out a few herbs. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/12 "2008-11-04T19:46:42Z")
Count me in the club. HORRIBLE things. I can’t handle them without getting that shuddery I-hate-this impulse reserved by some for spiders. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/13 "2008-11-04T19:49:52Z")
I LOVE mushrooms. I hate most vegetables and fruits, but mushrooms are awesome. I love the taste, the texture, just biting into the things. Yummers. Mmm, shroomses! ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/14 "2008-11-04T19:50:21Z")
> [@lee](#): > > I don’t understand at all. I think they did you a favor by showing the mushrooms on the label, as that way you knew not to buy it. I personally love mushrooms and think they add wonderful and subtle flavor to spaghetti sauce, but I will admit that the flavor is pervasive; you cannot possible just eat around the mushrooms to avoid it. Would you have rathered not have the warning? My understanding is the label _didn’t_ have a mushroom depicted on it. -FrL- ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/15 "2008-11-04T19:51:50Z")
To the OP: My wife and I had store-bought bottled spaghetti sauce the other day for the first time in many years. We found it inedible, compared to our own simple, very basic and quick (and easily ingredient-addable) pasta sauce we’ve developed ourselves over the years. My recommendation is just make your own. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/16 "2008-11-04T20:00:52Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > To the OP: > > My wife and I had store-bought bottled spaghetti sauce the other day for the first time in many years. We found it inedible, compared to **our own simple, very basic and quick (and easily ingredient-addable) pasta sauce** we’ve developed ourselves over the years. > > My recommendation is just make your own. Can you post your recipe? Mine takes hours, and really doesn’t peak until the next day. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/17 "2008-11-04T20:15:44Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > My recommendation is just make your own. Or get the kind in the store that has no vegetables added, buy your own vegetables of choice, saute them in olive oil, pour in the sauce, add your preferred seasoning and simmer. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/18 "2008-11-04T20:24:04Z")
A spaghetti sauce without mushrooms is like a day without sunshine. If you’re buying spaghetti sauce from a jar in the first place, then you deserve whatever they are inclined to shovel at your lazy ass. They don’t care because _you_ don’t care. If you did, you’d be paying more attention. Stop kidding yourself that you were trying to create some transcendent masterpiece of Italian cuisine, and admit that you just didn’t want to do anything more complicated than boil water. We’ve all been there. Don’t take it out on the mushrooms. What the hell did you expect from jar sauce anyway? Were you under the illusion that the jar people care about your damn dinner? These are the same companies that offer “Meat”-flavored sauce. Not any particular _kind_ of meat, you understand; just, you know, generalized meat. What is it, this “meat?” Was it domesticated? Has it been reported missing? NOBODY KNOWS. Just eat your cheap spaghetti and be happy that you didn’t find a toenail in there. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/19 "2008-11-04T20:28:57Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > **People were not meant to eat fungus**. > > I can’t tell you how many supposedly gourmet meals have been completely fucking ruined by surrounding otherwise perfectly good food in that godawful stuff. Ahhh. Bleu Cheeses, chantarelles…nope, can’t live without 'em. More for the rest of us fungus-lovers. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/20 "2008-11-04T20:32:29Z")
> [@Terrifel](#): > > Stop kidding yourself that you were trying to create some transcendent masterpiece of Italian cuisine, and admit that you just didn’t want to do anything more complicated than boil water. Gladly stipulated. But a mushroom still is not a fucking garden vegetable. Even if I made the shit myself, with tomatoes grown in my own kitchen, and spices that I harvested myself from the mountains of Italy, and pasta rolled out by hand on a long flat table in Da Vinci’s own workshop — even if I did all that, it still wouldn’t be a Chunky Garden Vegetable sauce after I tossed in a batch of chopped up fungus. But hey, yeah I was lazy. And cheap, too. It was the house brand. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102.md?page=2)