# A mushroom is not a fucking garden vegetable! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 4, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102 "2008-11-04T18:54:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/21 "2008-11-04T20:33:01Z")
I had neighbors as a kid who grew mushrooms. They were, however, very strange people. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/22 "2008-11-04T20:37:13Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > People were not meant to eat fungus. > > I can’t tell you how many supposedly gourmet meals have been completely fucking ruined by surrounding otherwise perfectly good food in that godawful stuff. Did you know that yeast is a type of fungus? So, every time you eat bread or drink beer, you’re eating that godawful stuff. Sorry to disillusion you, man. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/23 "2008-11-04T20:42:20Z")
> [@Terrifel](#): > > If you’re buying spaghetti sauce from a jar in the first place, then you deserve whatever they are inclined to shovel at your lazy ass. They don’t care because _you_ don’t care. If you did, you’d be paying more attention. Stop kidding yourself that you were trying to create some transcendent masterpiece of Italian cuisine, and admit that you just didn’t want to do anything more complicated than boil water. We’ve all been there. Don’t take it out on the mushrooms. > > What the hell did you expect from jar sauce anyway? Were you under the illusion that the jar people care about your damn dinner? These are the same companies that offer “Meat”-flavored sauce. Not any particular _kind_ of meat, you understand; just, you know, generalized meat. What is it, this “meat?” Was it domesticated? Has it been reported missing? NOBODY KNOWS. Just eat your cheap spaghetti and be happy that you didn’t find a toenail in there. Ahem . . . and out come the food snobs as usual around here. Current thinking seems to be that canned/jarred tomatoes are actually healthier, and some of the jarred sauces are pretty damn tasty. Also quicker and less expensive. It’s not as if jar-sauce users are eating chicken mcnuggets or doritos and mayonaise for dinner. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/24 "2008-11-04T20:43:07Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > Can you post your recipe? Mine takes hours, and really doesn’t peak until the next day. I’m not **Frylock** , but I’ll be happy to contribute. Fry up a pound of ground beef (or bison) with a diced onion. Drain and set aside. Smoosh up a clove or two of garlic, and lightly brown in a tablespoon of olive oil. Add 2 8oz cans of unseasoned tomato paste and an equal (or slightly greater) amount of water. Stir. Add 1/2 tsp sugar, 1 bay leaf, a palmful each of basil and rosemary, and salt and pepper to taste. Optionally, add toe fungus and hot sauce. Bring to a simmer and add the meat mixture. Simmer for 30-60 minutes. Serve. Enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/25 "2008-11-04T20:45:03Z")
Aren’t bellpeppers fruits, not vegetables? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/26 "2008-11-04T20:45:39Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > Did you know that yeast is a type of fungus? > > So, every time you eat bread or drink beer, you’re eating that godawful stuff. > > Sorry to disillusion you, man. oh anf **friedo** they shot old yeller too. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/27 "2008-11-04T20:51:34Z")
I don’t think we have to condemn the entire fungal diaspora. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/28 "2008-11-04T20:59:41Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I’m not **Frylock** , but I’ll be happy to contribute. > > Fry up a pound of ground beef (or bison) with a diced onion. Drain and set aside. > > Smoosh up a clove or two of garlic, and lightly brown in a tablespoon of olive oil. Add 2 8oz cans of unseasoned tomato paste and an equal (or slightly greater) amount of water. Stir. Add 1/2 tsp sugar, 1 bay leaf, a palmful each of basil and rosemary, and salt and pepper to taste. Optionally, add toe fungus and hot sauce. Bring to a simmer and add the meat mixture. Simmer for 30-60 minutes. > > Serve. > > Enjoy. Oh. Yeah. That’s my quick sauce. I was talking about when I start with fresh tomatoes. EDIT: Of course that’s not “my” exact quick sauce. I would never use that much rosemary! Blech! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/29 "2008-11-04T21:05:00Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > Oh. Yeah. That’s my quick sauce. I was talking about when I start with fresh tomatoes. I’ve never had much luck with fresh tomatoes. Maybe I just don’t have the patience. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/30 "2008-11-04T21:12:56Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I’ve never had much luck with fresh tomatoes. Maybe I just don’t have the patience. It’s “fun” but I only do it on weekends because it takes forever. It’s also more expensive and I swear it’s usually different than most jarred sauces but I wouldn’t call it wildly better or worse. I mean, what do people think they do to the jarred stuff? Piss and fart in it? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/31 "2008-11-04T21:30:06Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > I mean, what do people think they do to the jarred stuff? Piss and fart in it? Of course not, not always. But I’ve had a few brands where that may have improved the taste. Actually, some are good and some are crap, and the ones I consider crap are usually way too acidic. That’s my personal taste, of course. A few weeks ago my GF got Trader Joe’s marinara sauce. She hated it, and she’s something of a TJ fanatic. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/32 "2008-11-04T21:32:22Z")
Mmmmmm, delicious fungus-y orbs of organic spores stuck together by the vegetative equivalent of dried snot…I’ll take your share, **Liberal**. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/33 "2008-11-04T21:35:19Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Of course not, not always. But I’ve had a few brands where that may have improved the taste. Actually, some are good and some are crap, and the ones I consider crap are usually way too acidic. That’s my personal taste, of course. > > A few weeks ago my GF got Trader Joe’s marinara sauce. She hated it, and she’s something of a TJ fanatic. Well, you gotta find a brand you like. Then it usually needs a bit of salt, pepper, and minced garlic, a good-quality ground beef, browned with chopped onions and a little bit of seasoning salt. Serve over spaghetti and top with parmesean and powdered garlic. I challenge anyone to not enjoy that meal, and it costs nothing, can be done in about 12 minutes, and leaves leftovers for lunch the next day. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/34 "2008-11-04T21:40:29Z")
Raw mushrooms are okay. Cooked mushrooms are like overcooked slimy tentacle. Actually, I enjoy sushi, so I’d probably eat overcooked slimy tentacle with more gusto than mushrooms. Blech! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/35 "2008-11-04T21:44:08Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Smegma isn’t a cheese? Well, you have to let it curdle first. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/36 "2008-11-04T21:47:01Z")
You must master these passions, Doctor McCoy. They will be the death of you. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/37 "2008-11-04T21:47:13Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I’ve never had much luck with fresh tomatoes. Maybe I just don’t have the patience. I’ve posted about this before, but it bears repeating: Red sauces made with fresh tomatoes are generally inferior to the same sauces made with canned tomatoes not because of recipe or cooking technique but because of the quality of the ingredient. For all but a transcendent couple of weeks in the summer, grocery store tomatoes are hothouse grown and trucked in from elsewhere. They are grown to survive shipment, and to look firm, red, and shiny in the produce-section bin. Taste and texture are low priorities, because you can’t judge taste and texture in the store before making your purchase. In short, these tomatoes are grown to sell, not to be any good to eat. Canned tomatoes, by contrast, don’t have to look like anything at all. And except for that very brief period when you can get fresh tomatoes grown in your zip code and picked only a few hours beforehand (or if you have a vegetable garden yourself), canned tomatoes almost invariably taste better than fresh, and feel better in the mouth. Experienced cooks know this. Not only are we not embarrassed to use canned tomatoes in our red sauce, we are a little smug about it, and quietly contemptuous of the wannabes who crow stupidly about using only fresh, and thus reveal that they don’t have a clue. Oh, and commenting on the broad, blunt-instrument flavor profile of the typical canned red sauce: Over and above the tomatoes, salt, and stale herbs, I taste industrial sugar. Yech. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/38 "2008-11-04T21:48:50Z")
Smegma? How crass. Can we at least refer to it by it’s more genteel name: **Fromunda Cheese** ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/39 "2008-11-04T21:50:03Z")
I just want to note that my wife just made a phenomenal pot of mushroom-barley soup for dinner. Also, mushrooms and onions are the only toppings I’ll accept on pizza. So there. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/40 "2008-11-04T21:51:18Z")
Sorry, just can’t get behind this one. Call me back if you ever decide to get medieval on bell peppers. Or avacados. _shudders_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102.md?page=3)