# A mushroom is not a fucking garden vegetable! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 4, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102 "2008-11-04T18:54:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/41 "2008-11-04T21:56:48Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > I’ve posted about this before, but it bears repeating: Point well taken. I should point out that my failed sauces stem not from taste, but consistancy, though. They’re way too watery. I should also point out that a friend of mine makes his sauce with fresh tomatoes, and it kicks ass. But he’s something of a miracle worker in the kitchen. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/42 "2008-11-04T21:58:19Z")
Hate hate hate mushrooms. ::Memorizes OP to recite back next time someone asks why:: Sure, fungus is involved in cheese and bread and such. Doesn’t mean I want to eat a big solid rubbery spore-y mass of the stuff. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/43 "2008-11-04T22:03:53Z")
The only reason most Americans don’t like mushrooms is because their base of reference are the farmed, white, button mushrooms. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/44 "2008-11-04T22:20:55Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I had neighbors as a kid who grew mushrooms. They were, however, very strange people. Those weren’t the kind of mushrooms **Liberal** found in his sauce, if you know what I’m sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/45 "2008-11-04T22:47:22Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I should point out that my failed sauces stem not from taste, but consistancy, though. They’re way too watery. I put mine in the blender for consistency. And anything too watery can just be simmered until the excess water steams off. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/46 "2008-11-04T22:50:03Z")
Count me in with the shroom haters. “Oh you’ll like this, it’s a portobello, they taste just like steak.” First off, fuck you. I don’t’ know what kind of steak you’ve been eating, but try getting some that wasn’t killed by a bowel obstruction and left to rot in a drainage ditch first. Second of all those slices of shit look like rotting lobster claws, you can’t convince me that they’re not. Get them away from the real food. Mushrooms ruin everything that they touch. Hell, you can fry anything and it becomes delicious, except mushrooms. They become fried mouth abcesses. Mushrooms on pizza are foul nasty little rubbery toenail clippings. I can’t think of one thing that could possibly be improved by mushrooms. If mushrooms were any good at all they would have invented an artificial mushroom flavor by now, which they haven’t because there aren’t any mushroom flavored Jones Sodas or Jelly Bellies and those fuckers will make anything. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/47 "2008-11-04T22:51:27Z")
> [@Cluricaun](#): > > I can’t think of one thing that could possibly be improved by mushrooms. Besides a laser show, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/48 "2008-11-04T22:53:54Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Besides a laser show, of course. Even then, fuck the raw material and just give me the psilocybines and be done with it. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/49 "2008-11-04T23:00:43Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Oh, and commenting on the broad, blunt-instrument flavor profile of the typical canned red sauce: Over and above the tomatoes, salt, and stale herbs, I taste industrial sugar. Yech. Ye gods! I picked up a jar of store-brand sauce a week ago, and it tasted like it consisted of 50% corn syrup! It had never, ever, even _occured_ to me that I should check the label for added sugars. Now I know better. Bleck! ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/50 "2008-11-04T23:02:39Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > The only reason most Americans don’t like mushrooms is because their base of reference are the farmed, white, button mushrooms. I think this is mostly true. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/51 "2008-11-04T23:28:07Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > The only reason most Americans don’t like mushrooms is because their base of reference are the farmed, white, button mushrooms. What’s funny about that is any aversion to button mushrooms, which are pretty mildly flavored on the “mushroomy flavor” scale, would be greatly amplified by some of the stronger-tasting mushrooms out there. The only thing I use button mushrooms for anymore is for little butter-sponges to put on a steak. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/52 "2008-11-04T23:40:23Z")
Any and all mushrooms, preferably cooked, are welcome in my food. Especially hot and sour soup. That stuff’s best if it has, like, eight unidentified mushrooms in it. Good for the lungs, strange mushrooms are. Watery sauces are not a problem if you add a small can of tomato paste. Does wonders for making the stuff less gooshy. Once I thought people who said portobello mushrooms tasted like steak were on crack too. Then I had the chicken portobello at Macaroni Grill (shut up, I know, shut up) and was frankly stunned by the flavor they managed to find in that stuff. Maybe it only works when it’s wedged between a chicken breast and a piece of mozzarella, but that was exquisite. I can’t bring myself to eat most jar sauces anymore. I made my own for years, tossing in fresh herbs when I could, experimenting with turkey and beef of various fat contents, dabbling in whole wheat pastas. Then I bought a jar because I was feeling lazy. The sweetness of the sauce made me retch. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2008, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/53 "2008-11-05T02:32:34Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > Gladly stipulated. But a mushroom still is not a fucking garden vegetable. If you’re going to be idiotic about vocabulary, then you should also be complaining about tomatoes and bell peppers being included, when they’re “really” fruits. Everyone doesn’t like something. You’re in the minority on mushrooms. Stop whining. > [@friedo](#): > > People were not meant to eat fungus. > > I can’t tell you how many supposedly gourmet meals have been completely fucking ruined by surrounding otherwise perfectly good food in that godawful stuff. People were meant to eat everything that doesn’t kill them. You want to sound like those vegan looneys who says that people weren’t “meant” to eat dairy and meat? ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2008, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/54 "2008-11-05T05:08:53Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > The only reason most Americans don’t like mushrooms is because their base of reference are the farmed, white, button mushrooms. Preparing to be called a philistine, but button mushrooms are my favourite. (I’m not American though so does that still count?😛 ) It’s just not a big breakfast unless you have a nice pile of button mushrooms fried up in some butter next to your bacon\* and eggs. \*(And I’m talking real bacon here, several nice big rashers of bacon with the eye with the rind still on. None of this ‘streaky’ junk that they call bacon in America. 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![DJ\_Motorbike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90ced4/32.png) [@DJ\_Motorbike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DJ_Motorbike)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2008, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/55 "2008-11-05T05:37:00Z")
I’m going to point out something that everyone seems to have missed. There is no reason why small-scale mushroom production could not be called gardening. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2008, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/56 "2008-11-05T06:04:28Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > If you’re going to be idiotic about vocabulary, then you should also be complaining about tomatoes and bell peppers being included, when they’re “really” fruits. Granted that tomatoes and bell peppers are fruits. But they are fucking _garden_ fruits. I saw the pictures of the garden fruits on the Chunky Garden Vegetable label, and I purchased it because the fruits I saw thereon stirred the loin of my appetite. But I was submarined by a non-garden non-vegetable not shown prominently among the decent edibles. I was not forewarned about the slimy chunks of toe-jam. Therefore, I am here to express the obvious to the marketing world: a mushroom is not a fucking garden vegetable. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2008, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/57 "2008-11-05T06:06:03Z")
> [@DJ\_Motorbike](#): > > There is no reason why small-scale mushroom production could not be called gardening. Well, there’s no reason posting here could not be called writing, but it wouldn’t be what most people expect if you told them you’re a writer. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2008, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/58 "2008-11-05T06:18:16Z")
Just get yourself some Newman’s Own Marinara and add whatever fucking garden vegetables you prefer. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2008, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/59 "2008-11-05T17:32:01Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > Ahem . . . and out come the food snobs as usual around here. Current thinking seems to be that canned/jarred tomatoes are actually healthier, and some of the jarred sauces are pretty damn tasty. Also quicker and less expensive. It’s not as if jar-sauce users are eating chicken mcnuggets or doritos and mayonaise for dinner. It’s not really a question of food snobbery, it’s a question of not making the mistake of thinking that what appears on the label has anything to do with the contents. With homemade sauce, you know exactly what’s in there, because you put it there. With jar sauce, if you’re just basing your decision on what the label depicts, then good luck. The job of the label design is to lie and decieve you to the absolute extent permitted by law. That’s advertising. Fortunately, in our modern society such matters are subject to government regulation. Thus, if a person has an allergy to mushrooms, or is so deranged as to scorn the taste of mushrooms, that person can turn the label over and read the list of ingredients, which by law should include: “Mushrooms.” On the other hand, if you’re going to trust the integrity of the giant multinational food/tobacco/financial services conglomerate to determine whether mushrooms can be ethically represented as “garden vegetables,” then you’re in for a rude awakening, because they would label their product “This Jar Contains Leprechaun Gold” if they could get away with it. In summary: _Caveat saucier._ I think it’s great that you’ve found store sauces which are both tasty and convenient. The secret, of course, is the “meat.” 100% pure Mexican “meat.” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2008, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102/60 "2008-11-05T17:42:24Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > Granted that tomatoes and bell peppers are fruits. But they are fucking _garden_ fruits. As long as we’re tumbling down the slippery slope of pedantry… Actually, they are not garden fruits. Do you really think that some plump Italian grandma went out to her garden to pick fresh produce for you? The tomatoes and bell peppers in your sauce are farm conglomerate fruits. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mushroom-is-not-a-fucking-garden-vegetable/471102.md?page=4)