# A naked man tried to break into our apartment. That's it. We're moving. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 15, 2006, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834 "2006-09-15T14:08:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/1 "2006-09-15T14:08:55Z")
It’s 6:47am and I haven’t slept a wink. No, it’s not insomnia this time. After a long, hard day of work, I went to bed. My husband was already sound asleep. I lay awake, listening to the noises of the rowdy neighbours outside. I hear a door open. Weird. Sounds like ours. Maybe it’s the neighbours upstairs getting in late, however, since their door is next to ours. Man, they’re making a lot of noise. I hear weird scuffling sounds. I wonder if perhaps someone is trying to steal my bike. Well! I’ll go out there and give them a scare! I tiptoe out to the front room and slip stealthily up to the window. I peek carefully out of the blinds. Instead of seeing someone trying to steal my bike, I see a pair of naked, hairy legs… and my screen being torn from the window! My moment of heroism? I didn’t think twice about it: I flicked off the outdoor light. ZOOM! The Streak dashed down the stairs and darted into the back alley, heading west. I immediately awoke my husband and called 9-1-1. The police were here in under five minutes, took care of everything, wrote down my description of the hairy legs (what little good it did) and told us they had spotted a naked man darting into the alley. They brought the K-9 units with them, but as far as I know, didn’t catch him. The officer who spoke with me told me that a man wandering around naked, at this hour, in the freezing-ass cold, is likely to be someone high as a kite and we were likely a random target: maybe thinking this was his buddies’ place, maybe he used to live here, hell, maybe he thought it was his _own_ place. But the dude was most certainly _not right_. Unfortunately, even with this small comfort, even though I scared him off, even though it could have been worse, and even with the probability of it not happening again - _I’m_ not right, either, now. I am _fucked_ right now. I know, I know, getting upset about it does nothing. But shite. I burst into uncontrollable, ridiculous tears. I’m not sad. I’m angry. I’m angry that some random jerkoff tried to get in, making me feel unsafe. We were locked up tight, but I still feel rotten. I’m angry, angry, most of all, because he made me feel scared. That for one brief moment, I thought he had come for me and mine. I’m angry at myself for not being able to sleep. We’re moving. This is the first break-in attempt, but not the first random knockings on our windows and door in the middle of the night. I’m not sticking around for another attempt of any sort, no matter how remote the chances may be. _Puke_. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/2 "2006-09-15T14:20:49Z")
Oh, that’s freaky! I don’t blame you for being scared. I would have been a mess, too. I’d probably buy a safe to sleep in or something. Do your windows lock? Good luck finding a new place you can feel safer in, if that’s what you think is best. Hope you feel better soon. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/3 "2006-09-15T14:25:17Z")
That “penis ensues” thing is following you everywhere, innit? Sorry, that sucks, hope things get better. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/4 "2006-09-15T14:35:37Z")
Our windows are locked and jammed up with those long wood bars, because they slide. So his chances of getting in, short of breaking the window, were pretty slim. However, by the way he fucked up our screen, he didn’t seem to care about getting in carefully, quietly, or tidily. Dude just wanted _in_. I want to move away from this particular complex, just because it has gotten progressively worse and worse. Complaints that go nowhere slow, or take years to get anything done about the lousy tenants. We’re thinking of moving in, albeit briefly and paying rent and helping out with chores, with my FIL, who is already getting his place ready for us - until we find a new place. That’s a neighbourhood I know and feel safe(r) in. Naturally, it could happen anywhere, and I’m sure I wouldn’t feel much better about it if it happened at my FILs, but I know the place, the area, it’s a house, not an apartment, etc - I wouldn’t run away from there. I’d stand and fight. This place just isn’t worth fighting for, so we’re outta here. On preview: **ShibbOleth** : 😛 I’ve told my husband between panic spazzes all night tonight that whenever I settle down - this is going to be funny as all hell. Naked man? Me sitting up all night with the phone ready to redail 9-1-1 and a bottle of Dirtex to spray in his face if he tried anything funny (even with the police crawling all over the neighbourhood)? The future grandkids will piss themselves at grandma’s story, I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/5 "2006-09-15T14:42:15Z")
An ugly thought, but its the 800-pound gorilla in the room no one is mentioning. High? Probably. But a naked man has no pockets to steal your stuff. That, and some sex-crime killers operate naked as they feel its easier to shower the blood off afterwards, get dressed, and walk away like nothing happened. If they don’t stand out, witnesses tend to notice them less. Move if you must, but if he is fixated on you, he’ll follow your change of address. That and move-in/move-out time is when you are least secure/most vulnerable. May I suggest you consult a locksmith? Invite him to the house/apartment. Tell him what you told us, ask him what changes your place needs to be truly secure. Listen to him and do what he suggests (this is a VISA moment. Do what is needed so that you are around to be able to make more money later to cover any bill). Tell him you need this TODAY. (He’ll understand why) I’m not going to preach home defense; anything significant that you don’t have now will probably take 7 days for you to get anyway even if you have the paperwork. (Sports Authority does sell Louiville sluggers w/o a waiting period though) Bottom Line: Its your call, do what you can live with yourself doing comfortably. _Sincerely wishes you and yours the best_ ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/6 "2006-09-15T14:45:28Z")
Geeze, I’m sorry to hear about that. Years ago, when I still lived in Tacoma, my husband and I walked in on burglers in our apartment. It was scary. Fortunately for them, they escaped out the back before my husband could get a hold of them. We called the cops and all, but as far as we know nothing ever came of it. Also, fortunately for us and THEM, we caught them before they could get away with any of our stuff. Still, the feeling of being violated is strong. I know that feeling well. I moved to Puyallup in 1991. I still like it here, even if it has become more crowded. You should move south, you’d like it here. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/7 "2006-09-15T14:46:43Z")
**Count Blucher** , this has crossed my mind, and I’m not alone for a moment anymore. My FIL is here now, my husband will be here shortly, and my FIL brought me a shiny new bat. It’s a scary thought, to be sure, but we’re taking all precautions necessary. I’m surrounded by _three_ 800-pound gorillas as bodyguards. They are definitely keeping an eye on me, even if they’re pretending not to. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/8 "2006-09-15T14:55:41Z")
Jeez, meng. That’s just crazy bizarre. I hope things turn out alright. I’d rather not think of **Count Blucher** ’s possibility, but the guy just sounded seriously messed up. Maybe a meth head or something. But I can’t blame you for wanting to move. Frankly if something like that happened in my neck of the woods, which itself wasn’t unknown for strange goings-on in general, I’d probably consider moving, too. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/9 "2006-09-15T15:19:42Z")
This is why Karana created firearms. And large dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/10 "2006-09-15T15:22:25Z")
[QUOTE=Oakminster] This is why Karana created firearms. And large dogs. [/QUOTE] Two things in which we are investing in right now. Even though I follow Inny. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/11 "2006-09-15T15:25:47Z")
[QUOTE=Anastasaeon] Two things in which we are investing in right now. Even though I follow Inny. 😛 [/QUOTE] Inny’s a wimp. Kicked his tail for at least a dozen rangers wanting the epic drop…his eye, heart, gonads…something like that. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/12 "2006-09-15T15:28:17Z")
Huh. Usually naked men are trying to break **out** of my apartment… Seriously tho, that sucks. It’s also part of the reason I have a dog. That and they’re warm and furry and love you unconditionally. Maybe you should get pooch? Oh, I also have a baseball bat in the event some gets past my forty pounds of canine protection. And having been a softball player, I know how to use it. Remember, you have to swing **through** his head… ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-naked-man-tried-to-break-into-our-apartment-thats-it-were-moving/372834/13 "2006-09-15T15:30:38Z")
Closed at the request of the **OP**. **Cajun Man** for the SDMB