# A new level in spam **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 13, 2018, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899 "2018-10-13T12:26:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/1 "2018-10-13T12:26:44Z")
I just received this from a .ru address, and it’s too good not to share. I’m also hoping someone can tell me if this is a real language or not: > [@](#): > > Royal Dutch Shell Group > Shell hoofdkantoor > Royal Dutch Shell Plc. Shell Center London SE1 7NA Verenigd Koninkrijk > > We willen u graag het winnen van de Royal Dutch Shell en > Shell China Grant gehouden in oktober 2018. Uw e-mailadres komt overeen met > Ticketnummers: 7673899373ST met serienummer: 779937 / SN wat > vervolgens heb je gewonnen. > > U bent daarom goedgekeurd om een ??totaalbedrag van 2.000.000,00 te claimen > Ponden (twee miljoen GBP) in contanten. > > Alle deelnemers voor de online versie zijn willekeurig gekozen uit > Royal Dutch Shell Database wereldwijd, Royal Dutch Shell moet hebben gehad > uw contactpersoon van de aankoop die u hebt gedaan of de invoer van uw gegevens > op de hoofdlijst met betrekking tot Shell of zijn aardolie / gasproducten. > > Onze Europese agent zal onmiddellijk met de verwerking beginnen > de vrijgave van uw geld mogelijk maken zodra u contact met hem opneemt. > Om veiligheidsredenen wordt u geadviseerd om uw winnende informatie te behouden > vertrouwelijk totdat uw claims zijn verwerkt en uw geld is kwijtgescholden > u op welke manier u ook maar gepast acht om uw prijs te claimen. Dit is een deel > van onze voorzorgsmaatregel om dubbele aanspraak en ongerechtvaardigde te voorkomen > misbruik van dit programma. > > HOUD ER REKENING MEE DAT! > > Neem contact op met de Fiduciary Agent om uw claims in te dienen: > Mr. Davidson Fairbanks > E-mail: [shellplc@zoho.com.cn](mailto:shellplc@zoho.com.cn) > > Geef hem de onderstaande gegevens voor betalingsverwerking: > VOLLEDIGE NAMEN:… > ADRES: … LAND: … > GESLACHT: … LEEFTIJD: … > BEZETTING:… > TELEFOON / CEL NUMMER: … > GEWONNEN AANTAL:… > > Met oprechte groeten, > DHR. VICTOR ATKINSON > Online coцrdinator What I’m able to glean is that someone wants to give me two million British pounds and I need to respond to an email address in China. Gotta be legit, right?? :D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/2 "2018-10-13T12:33:59Z")
It looks like it’s Dutch. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/3 "2018-10-13T15:12:11Z")
He is Ollie, you are Sven. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/4 "2018-10-13T15:54:58Z")
Well, “Victor Atkinson” doesn’t sound like a spammer from Lagos, Nigeria. So you’re probably safe sending him your banking information. Whatcha gonna spend the $2 million pounds on? ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/5 "2018-10-13T15:59:10Z")
> [@](#): > > U bent daarom goedgekeurd om een ??totaalbedrag van 2.000.000,00 te claimen > Ponden (twee miljoen GBP) in contanten. I think he’s talking about the time his toilet got blocked and the plumber’s bill was outrageous. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/6 "2018-10-13T16:00:12Z")
I dunno - since it’s neither French nor Spanish, I can’t translate it so I don’t know what banking info they need. I shoulda been a linguist… ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/7 "2018-10-13T16:09:05Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I dunno - since it’s neither French nor Spanish, I can’t translate it so I don’t know what banking info they need. I shoulda been a linguist… Maybe one day they will invent one of those automatic universal translator machines from the sci fi movies. I suppose it might not be a fish that you stick in your ear though. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/8 "2018-10-13T16:27:51Z")
Yeah, it’s Dutch. From Google Translate: > [@](#): > > We would like to win you the Royal Dutch Shell and > Shell China Grant held in October 2018. Your email address corresponds to > Ticket numbers: 7673899373ST with serial number: 779937 / SN wat > then you won. > > You are therefore approved to claim a total amount of 2,000,000.00 > Pounds (two million GBP) in cash. > > All participants for the online version are randomly chosen from > Royal Dutch Shell Database worldwide, Royal Dutch Shell must have had > your contact person of the purchase you made or the input of your data > on the main list relating to Shell or its petroleum / gas products. > > Our European agent will immediately start processing > enable the release of your money as soon as you contact him. > For security reasons, you are advised to retain your winning information > confidential until your claims have been processed and your money has been waived > you in whatever way you deem appropriate to claim your prize. This is a part > of our precautionary measure to prevent double claims and unwarranted > abuse of this program. > > KEEP IN MIND THAT! > > Contact the Fiduciary Agent to submit your claims: > Mr. Davidson Fairbanks > E-mail: [shellplc@zoho.com.cn](mailto:shellplc@zoho.com.cn) > > Give him the following data for payment processing: > FULL NAMES: … > ADDRESS: … COUNTRY: … > SEX: … AGE: … > OCCUPATION: … > TELEPHONE / CELL NUMBER: … > WON NUMBER: … > > With sincere greetings, > DHR. VICTOR ATKINSON > Online coordinator I’ve received spam messages in English, Spanish, French, Portuguese, and Chinese. Dutch would be a new one. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/9 "2018-10-13T16:37:09Z")
I’ve never gotten a non-English spam, and I don’t think I ever got one from a Russian email directing me to a Chinese email. But of all things - why Dutch? The closest I come to Dutch in my life would be the few tulips that bloom in my garden. Spammers are such interesting creatures. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/10 "2018-10-13T17:03:49Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > But of all things - why Dutch? Because Dutch people exist? And Google translate? ---
**Author:** ![That\_Don\_Guy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/that_don_guy/32/538_2.png) [@That\_Don\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/That_Don_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/11 "2018-10-13T17:04:27Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > But of all things - why Dutch? Because it’s from Royal Dutch Shell, which is headquartered in The Netherlands. It gives the spam more credibility. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/12 "2018-10-13T17:11:00Z")
> [@That\_Don\_Guy](#): > > Because it’s from Royal Dutch Shell, which is headquartered in The Netherlands. It gives the spam more credibility. Yup, I’m always intrigued about their thought process (if any), and the extent to which they optimize their approach. I’ve read that the fact that they are often so implausibly and poorly written is not something they bother to try to fix, since it filters out anyone with basic common sense. They really only want responses from people who are dumb enough to subsequently send them money, so it’s a desirable filter at an early stage of the process. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/13 "2018-10-13T19:02:36Z")
I’ve got a new sig! _HOUD ER REKENING MEE DAT!_ ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/14 "2018-10-13T19:10:50Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > I think he’s talking about the time his toilet got blocked and the plumber’s bill was outrageous. Yes, though my understanding of Dutch is imperfect, there is definitely something about incontinence in the second paragraph where the 2,000,000 pounds is announced. The writer also claims to be totally bedraggled so the diarrhea must have been something awful. It’s no wonder the toilet got a workout. > [@That\_Don\_Guy](#): > > Because it’s from Royal Dutch Shell, which is headquartered in The Netherlands. It gives the spam more credibility. The credibility is further enhanced by the fact that Royal Dutch Shell’s Fiduciary Agent responsible for issuing large payments is accessible only via a free email account domiciled in China. Major multinationals frequently use free Chinese Zoho email accounts to conduct large financial transactions, so this is pretty solid assurance that this is an authentic offer. The OP may therefore submit all their banking information in confidence to Mr. Fairbanks in China who I’m sure will go ahead and act on it promptly. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/15 "2018-10-13T19:20:22Z")
Royal Dutch Shell? Is that a oil company? Hey, it could be real.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/16 "2018-10-13T19:20:43Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > I’ve got a new sig! > > _HOUD ER REKENING MEE DAT!_ My Dutch signature phrase is > [@](#): > > Jullie mogen alle dieren eten die gespleten hoeven hebben A Dutch friend coached me on the basics of Dutch pronunciation, without any knowledge of the language, and made me start reading from the Bible. By sheer coincidence this particular sentence came out fairly close to correct, so he made me practice it over and over again until it was perfect. It has been incredibly useful since, saving my life when I encountered Belgian brigands intent on murdering me to steal my pork chops. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/17 "2018-10-13T20:20:13Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > Yup, I’m always intrigued about their thought process (if any), and the extent to which they optimize their approach. I’ve read that the fact that they are often so implausibly and poorly written is not something they bother to try to fix, since it filters out anyone with basic common sense. They really only want responses from people who are dumb enough to subsequently send them money, so it’s a desirable filter at an early stage of the process. Perhaps they believe that their imperfect language will be attributed to Google Translate. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/18 "2018-10-13T22:38:56Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > I’ve got a new sig! > > _HOUD ER REKENING MEE DAT!_ \*Een eland bit eens mijn zus \* ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/19 "2018-10-13T23:11:45Z")
Illegitium non carborundum. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2018, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899/20 "2018-10-13T23:17:47Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > I’ve got a new sig! > > _HOUD ER REKENING MEE DAT!_ Are you looking at me? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-level-in-spam/822899.md?page=2)