# A new Punch Line thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [April 8, 2020, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364 "2020-04-08T17:58:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2020, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/181 "2020-04-15T21:00:50Z")
“Jenkins, you swap with Renfrew. Shields, you swap with Mottl. Fredericks, you swap…” ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2020, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/182 "2020-04-15T21:10:47Z")
‘I don’t know what he did, but I stepped on a duck.’ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2020, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/183 "2020-04-16T04:35:02Z")
“An Amish drive-by shooting.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2020, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/184 "2020-04-16T13:14:17Z")
Only one, but it has to \*want \*to change. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2020, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/185 "2020-04-16T13:59:10Z")
“Yeah! Don’t fuck with Uncle Ted when he’s drunk!” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2020, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/186 "2020-04-16T18:02:06Z")
“The butterfly doesn’t sing. The mouse is a ventriloquist.” “Two outta three ain’t bad!” “Why, that’s Ferrer’s faucet, Major.” “… And it soon became known as the Nitti gritty dirt band.” “… And it soon became known as Alexander’s rag time band.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2020, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/187 "2020-04-16T18:09:06Z")
“Yes, it would’ve been the same year Khalid farted when he bowed to the Sultan.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2020, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/188 "2020-04-16T20:40:56Z")
“When the Nazis arrived, the audience would yell **'She’s in the fucking attic!** ’” “They could never find 11 on the dial.” “Toss them a basketball.” “They wanted a coke machine next to The Refrigerator.” “Len Bias’s nose.” “They both die two days after they’re picked.” “Six feet and under.” “Toast of the Town!” “Police are looking for a cereal killer.” “A mime is a terrible thing to waste.” “Sit down and keep your mouths shut!” “_ **Rambutt** _.’” ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2020, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/189 "2020-04-16T21:33:18Z")
“Well, how about a little head?” ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2020, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/190 "2020-04-16T21:34:20Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > “You don’t eat a pig like that all at once!” And my favorite companion to that one: “What’s time to a pig?” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2020, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/191 "2020-04-17T03:33:20Z")
“I’ve never felt better in me life, boyo!” ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2020, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/192 "2020-04-17T05:21:27Z")
… a good goat’ll do that. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2020, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/193 "2020-04-17T05:23:50Z")
I suppose he told you I was speeding too! ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2020, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/194 "2020-04-17T07:49:26Z")
“C’est beau? Mon ami, c’est magnifique!” ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Sean\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2020, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/195 "2020-04-17T12:44:00Z")
“Ghosts?!? I thought you said ‘goats’!” She says, “How often do I have to do that?” “How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?” “Perhapth I should rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit”? They’d put his left leg in and…well, you know the rest. " “Stand back, girls, I have to gargle!” * * * “Stay the blazes home” - Stephen McNeil, Premier of Nova Scotia ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2020, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/196 "2020-04-17T16:30:57Z")
“That dog always lies!” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2020, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/197 "2020-04-17T18:36:38Z")
“One is white and dangerous for kids to play with. The other is a plastic garbage bag.” “They both wear one glove for no apparent reason.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2020, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/198 "2020-04-17T22:19:20Z")
“The Captain’s log.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2020, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/199 "2020-04-18T20:02:11Z")
He bravely fought off rescuers for three hours. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2020, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/200 "2020-04-18T20:33:22Z")
“My sister has that, and she got \*\*all \*\*them things!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=11)