# A new Punch Line thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [April 8, 2020, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364 "2020-04-08T17:58:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2020, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/201 "2020-04-18T23:02:30Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > “They both wear one glove for no apparent reason.” I remember watching Johnny Carson deliver that punchline! (Unless it’s a manufactured memory.) ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2020, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/202 "2020-04-18T23:24:50Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > I remember watching Johnny Carson deliver that punchline! (Unless it’s a manufactured memory.) Speaking of The Tonight Show: > [@](#): > > I shall be delighted to reserve the best seat for you, if you wish, where you will be seen by everyone. Moving on to other vintage punchlines: “Ready when you are, C.B.!” “And I am the Queen of Roumania.” “We’re the Phone Company!” ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/203 "2020-04-19T00:21:51Z")
Oops, of course that’s “Marie” not “the Queen”. Didn’t see a prohibition in the OP on jokes that rhyme, by the way. (But maybe there was such a rule in the first thread on the topic?) ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/204 "2020-04-19T00:58:19Z")
“Two.” “Obbornockity tunes but once.” “And young lady, when you arrive at the Pearly Gates, St. Finger is going to shake his peter at you.” Variations of these have already been said here, but here’s how I heard them: “Sits up all night, wondering if there is a dog.” “I need to gargle some of that holy water before she sits in it.” “Pizzas don’t scream when you put them in the oven.” ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/205 "2020-04-19T01:01:33Z")
“You folks sure treat your hired help real good.” ETA: “Crunch bird, my ass.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/206 "2020-04-19T02:45:01Z")
“Silly Rabbi - kicks are for Trids!” ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/207 "2020-04-19T02:58:11Z")
“B once.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/208 "2020-04-19T03:03:00Z")
“Wanna buy some mouthwash? Fifty bucks.” ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/209 "2020-04-19T06:25:24Z")
“And quit show biz?” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/210 "2020-04-19T10:31:47Z")
“Well, for one thing, it’s never been used. For another, do you realize how many \*_[…]_ \*\* you have to kill to get an ounce of brain?” \*Insert favorite despised group of politicians. “A shopping cart will, on occasion, show that it has a mind of its own.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/211 "2020-04-19T10:40:26Z")
“Sire! You gave me the wrong key!” “… But Sir Lancelot said nothing.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/212 "2020-04-19T10:41:53Z")
“Japanese Karate Bird, balls!” ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/213 "2020-04-19T14:03:15Z")
“Flush the punch bowl.” “Her legs.” “Cut the rope.” “Charged him with battery, and put him in a dry cell.” “One prick and it’s gone forever.” “One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit.” “First, you’re a Russian, then European, then you’re Finnish.” “Both books were destroyed and one hadn’t been colored in yet.” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/214 "2020-04-19T14:05:02Z")
“No? Well you’re not going to like Thursdays then.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/215 "2020-04-19T15:28:36Z")
“One oda \*\*FRIED \*\*\*\*RICE \*\*fo’ \*\*GLEEK \*\ ***PLICK**!” “No, I’m just sittin’ here watchin’ the TV…” “Where did you get dem baby-blue eyes?!?” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/216 "2020-04-19T15:35:00Z")
“You can’t see the cunt in front of you.” “You can’t see the asshole in front of you.” “Oh, just you and me.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/217 "2020-04-19T15:44:20Z")
“See what I mean? You can’t get much for twenty bucks any more.” “You know, darling, I think ours is cuter.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/218 "2020-04-19T15:50:17Z")
“Would you believe ‘waiting for a train’?” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/219 "2020-04-19T16:04:12Z")
“Yell ‘BINGO!’” “Well, that’s not much hand lotion for fifty cents!” “What part did you get?” “I have a surprise for you, dear. We’re **moving**!” ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/220 "2020-04-19T21:47:11Z")
“I just saw my wife on a skateboard!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=12)