# A new Punch Line thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [April 8, 2020, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364 "2020-04-08T17:58:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2020, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/321 "2020-05-03T23:05:44Z")
“Harelip! Harelip!” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2020, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/322 "2020-05-03T23:26:29Z")
“Would \*you \*come to someone who named you ‘Umughuhwuggump’?” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2020, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/323 "2020-05-04T04:52:15Z")
“‘Ward, you were hard on The Beaver last night.’” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2020, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/324 "2020-05-04T18:38:25Z")
“OK, you’re ugly, too.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2020, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/325 "2020-05-04T19:27:22Z")
“On a blind date.” “Corduroy.” “She burned her fingers trying to read a waffle iron.” “They rearrange the furniture.” “They leave a plunger sticking out of the toilet.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2020, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/326 "2020-05-04T19:44:01Z")
“Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2020, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/327 "2020-05-04T21:33:50Z")
“Italian women have fake jewelry and real orgasms.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/328 "2020-05-05T03:28:39Z")
“Don’t worry about it. The smartest man in the world just took my knapsack.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/329 "2020-05-05T05:24:59Z")
“He worked it out with a pencil.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/330 "2020-05-05T22:38:12Z")
“Yeah, I know. Bubba din’t wanna go fishin’ neither.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/331 "2020-05-06T03:21:10Z")
“Well… are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/332 "2020-05-06T07:22:59Z")
“Ah, you are talkeeng about ze size; I was talkeeng about ze flavour!” “Ah, mon ami, ze bridges! Ze bridges!” “My dear, I believe een Eenglish it ees called '‘appiness’” “By the ears.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/333 "2020-05-06T07:41:17Z")
“Well, Jethro, Ah reckon it’s 'cause you’re 17.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/334 "2020-05-06T07:56:10Z")
“No, all I saw was a dented Volkswagen with two flat tires.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/335 "2020-05-06T18:09:29Z")
[Long pause] “Go fuck yourself!” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/336 "2020-05-06T18:14:44Z")
“Ja, sure, I go upstairs an’ do what has to be done; you stay here an’ stir de soup!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/337 "2020-05-07T03:11:14Z")
“Sometimes the bull doesn’t lose.” “Welcome to Jamaica, mon. Have a nice day!” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/338 "2020-05-07T03:59:17Z")
I was just standing in the middle of Utah, like this. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/339 "2020-05-07T09:16:18Z")
“They all had a piece of The Rock.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/340 "2020-05-07T16:17:46Z")
And the cat said to the kitten, “That’s how you do it.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=18)