# A new Punch Line thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [April 8, 2020, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364 "2020-04-08T17:58:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 38
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2021, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/741 "2021-02-12T17:17:52Z")
“He scored right off the bat when he got the song title ‘U Can’t Touch This!’” True story! I saw it last night on _ **Celebrity Wheel of Fortune** _. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2021, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/742 "2021-02-13T22:29:26Z")
Lickalottapus. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2021, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/743 "2021-02-15T04:17:51Z")
“I’m taking up a collection. So far I’ve collected fifteen hundred bucks.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/744 "2021-02-26T15:20:28Z")
‘I’m five feet, four inches tall and I’m white from the top o’ me head to the tips o’ me toes. Except for me arsehole, which is brown; spelled B-R-O-W-N.’ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2021, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/745 "2021-03-03T21:12:43Z")
‘Tour all Ura, Lura? Too raw, Lura! Lie!’ ‘Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat that chewed the new shoes?’ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2021, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/746 "2021-03-03T22:39:43Z")
“David and the Four Skins.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2021, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/747 "2021-03-04T00:06:29Z")
‘They only play ragtime.’ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2021, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/748 "2021-03-04T00:07:11Z")
‘It’s the plumber!’ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2021, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/749 "2021-03-04T01:15:19Z")
“They’re calling it ‘Trust Irving.’” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2021, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/750 "2021-03-04T19:43:23Z")
“You know, I like that better than ‘Herschel.’” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2021, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/751 "2021-03-04T20:00:46Z")
“He props his right foot up on a chair and bends down to reach his left foot.”\* \*Better as a visual gag. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2021, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/752 "2021-03-22T13:02:58Z")
“Tell me, Seymour: How do you start a flood?” ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2021, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/753 "2021-03-22T13:06:19Z")
“They didn’t want to awaken the sleeping pills.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2021, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/754 "2021-03-23T01:32:10Z")
“Seymour, who do you think gave you the poison?” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2021, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/755 "2021-03-24T18:33:33Z")
“Does that mean you’re not coming?” 😧 ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2021, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/756 "2021-03-27T12:41:10Z")
“Hold the back page!!!” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2021, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/757 "2021-03-28T08:47:09Z")
“Oy, you think _that’s_ unusual? I’m O’Brien!” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2021, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/758 "2021-04-04T17:28:59Z")
I don’t know and I don’t care! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2021, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/759 "2021-04-04T17:55:19Z")
Johnny yelled, ‘Jesus Christ, I’m fucking her as fast as I can!’ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2021, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/760 "2021-04-04T18:47:40Z")
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