# A new Punch Line thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [April 8, 2020, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364 "2020-04-08T17:58:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 39
**Author:** ![Ana\_Byrd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Ana\_Byrd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ana_Byrd)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/761 "2021-04-14T00:21:15Z")
“First, assume a spherical cow.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/762 "2021-04-14T03:14:39Z")
“You are too loose, Lautrec!” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2021, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/763 "2021-04-16T14:11:48Z")
“Oh, I know that, sir. She’s got nice tits, too!” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2021, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/764 "2021-04-16T14:31:18Z")
“These are the tines that fry men’s soles!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2021, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/765 "2021-04-16T14:37:14Z")
‘Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat that chewed the new shoes?’ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2021, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/766 "2021-04-16T14:40:19Z")
The way I heard it was “Is that the cat who ate your new shoes?” I think Jimmy Stewart told the story on _ **The Tonight Show** _. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2021, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/767 "2021-04-16T15:04:39Z")
‘Cat that chewed the new shoes’ sounds closer to ‘Chattanooga’. 😉 (I read the joke in The San Diego Union when I was about 10.) ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2021, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/768 "2021-04-17T04:46:47Z")
“Is the bar tender here?” ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2021, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/769 "2021-04-17T11:37:57Z")
“It was the beast of Thames; it was the wurst of Thames.” “Treads rush in where wise men fear to fool.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2021, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/770 "2021-04-17T14:49:10Z")
“Bartender, gimme a Bud and a mop!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2021, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/771 "2021-04-17T15:08:15Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > “Is the bar tender here?” That reminds me of: ‘Why the long face?’ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2021, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/772 "2021-04-17T21:22:36Z")
So you can tell whether you’re coming or going. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2021, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/773 "2021-04-18T15:19:50Z")
‘Because they don’t have balls to scratch.’ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2021, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/774 "2021-04-18T16:18:01Z")
“He blew Reveille every morning.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2021, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/775 "2021-04-18T16:27:35Z")
“This is the Newton Point Lighthouse. Your call.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2021, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/776 "2021-04-18T17:37:30Z")
“The bed broke.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2021, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/777 "2021-04-18T20:10:52Z")
“I was talking to the duck.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2021, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/778 "2021-04-18T20:45:48Z")
‘Oh, I’m sorry! Are you two whales from Scotland?’ ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2021, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/779 "2021-04-18T20:58:04Z")
“Dammit, I missed!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/780 "2021-04-24T17:01:03Z")
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