# A new Punch Line thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [April 8, 2020, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364 "2020-04-08T17:58:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/81 "2020-04-10T02:32:28Z")
“Tell me, what did the chicken do?” “What’s the catch?” ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/82 "2020-04-10T02:43:24Z")
Sorry if I missed these upthread… No, they’re out in the truck honking the horn. There’s a bounty on me head! RRRAWWRRRRR! Because their husbands have crystal balls. Somehow I ended up right back in Kenny Rogers’s beard. Just one, but the lightbulb has to really WANT to change. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/83 "2020-04-10T03:22:04Z")
I get to be the one who posts it- “Rectum, hell. Damn near _killed_ him.” ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/84 "2020-04-10T03:23:20Z")
“One of them is a bunch of cunning runts.” ---
**Author:** ![Tatterdemalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Tatterdemalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tatterdemalion)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/85 "2020-04-10T03:25:18Z")
That’s not funny! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/86 "2020-04-10T03:27:55Z")
“Twenty seven!!! Twenty seven!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/87 "2020-04-10T04:02:09Z")
“Nahhh, I’m just fuckin’ with ya. She’s dead.” ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Sean\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/88 "2020-04-10T04:27:29Z")
Jokes I’m going to hell for: “I wanted to but I couldn’t find her head.” “There’s twenty of them, what’s not to like?” “As soon as your mother goes out.” * * * “Stay the blazes home” - Stephen McNeil, Premier of Nova Scotia ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/89 "2020-04-10T13:30:46Z")
From the absolutely most horrible joke I have ever heard: Her son’s dick tastes different. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/90 "2020-04-10T15:35:26Z")
“Now,” Rollins said, unzipping his pants, “while the body’s still warm.” ---
**Author:** ![Ynnad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4491bb/32.png) [@Ynnad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ynnad)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/91 "2020-04-10T15:50:33Z")
Then the waitress said, “plus a constant.” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/92 "2020-04-10T15:58:27Z")
No, I’m a frayed knot. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/93 "2020-04-10T16:12:36Z")
Yes, I knew Pancho Villa, we had lunch together!”. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/94 "2020-04-10T16:27:56Z")
“Meh,” he said. “But you’ll never guess who I had lunch with!” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/95 "2020-04-10T16:28:50Z")
“Their kid is standing out on the balcony too.” “You know the seed you planted in Mommy? Well, the mailman came by and ate it today.” ---
**Author:** ![CelticKnot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/celticknot/32/3392_2.png) [@CelticKnot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CelticKnot)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/96 "2020-04-10T16:33:03Z")
“Ach, just come as y’are. There’s just goin’ to be you and me.” Because gorillas have big fingers. Paint his toenails red and put him in a strawberry patch. Bonds mature. “CHANGE?!” It was stapled to the chicken. “What did you bring pavement for?” “Now I know why you named it Microsoft.” “If he wasn’t a good person, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?” “Hey, nice belt.” Rats. I realize that most of these come from Garrison Keillor. I’m sure there are more sources of jokes in the world. ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/97 "2020-04-10T16:50:25Z")
“Well, some folks can tell 'em, and some folks can’t.” “You ARE on the other side, silly!” “No, no, Nurse Smith, I told you to prick his boil!” “Are you going to just sit there talking, or are you gonna fish?” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/98 "2020-04-10T17:04:13Z")
Well, the sex is the same, but the dishes are starting to pile up. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/99 "2020-04-10T17:12:01Z")
“The punch lines are too long.” “With a Dustbuster.” “HOLY SMOKE!” “Sure, I’ll come to dinner. But I have to ax my wife first.” “‘The Toast of the Town.’” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/100 "2020-04-10T17:14:46Z")
“They’ve got big noses.” “Air is free…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=6)