# A new Punch Line thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [April 8, 2020, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364 "2020-04-08T17:58:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![CelticKnot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/celticknot/32/3392_2.png) [@CelticKnot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CelticKnot)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/101 "2020-04-10T17:19:32Z")
double post ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/102 "2020-04-10T17:20:56Z")
“Woodworking.” “Ring him while he’s doing the ironing.” “Call back.” “Knock on the hatch.” “He’s the one throwing breadcrusts at the helicopters.” “He’s the one with training wheels.” “The ape is the one with the banana.” “He’s the one in the clean bowling shirt.” “She’s the one with the braided hair under her arms.” “To keep the flies off the bride.” “Riding shotgun on a garbage truck.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/103 "2020-04-10T18:44:27Z")
“\*\*Know \*\*it? Hell, I \*\*wrote \*\*it!” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/104 "2020-04-10T19:03:22Z")
“Hold on a minute, young man. I want to get a cup of coffee and a cigarette.” ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/105 "2020-04-10T19:53:29Z")
“Well, why don’t you write your Mother!” ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/106 "2020-04-10T20:11:41Z")
“I figured you might want to open those beers.” ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/107 "2020-04-10T20:45:32Z")
“Really? You’ve got a drink named ‘Murray’?” “Give me a beer and a mop.” “At $9 a beer, I can see why.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/108 "2020-04-10T22:35:24Z")
“Nuthin’, bitch!” ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/109 "2020-04-10T22:45:05Z")
“Now where’s that girl you wanted me to shake hands with?” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/110 "2020-04-10T22:55:20Z")
“You stick that thing in me again and I’ll snap it in two!” “She wanted to catch steelhead trout.” “Spot.” “Tell her a joke on Friday.” “I’ll tell you tomorrow.” “Put him in a round room and tell him to find the nickle in the corner.” “Put him in a room with two shovels and tell him to take his pick.” “Roberto.” “I showed him.” “So he shot her.” ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/111 "2020-04-10T22:57:27Z")
“You’re not here for the hunting, are you?” ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/112 "2020-04-10T23:01:59Z")
“Keep the tip.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2020, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/113 "2020-04-10T23:21:02Z")
“OH FUCK!!! I MISSED!!!” “I thought you were bringing her back.” “There are far too many Californians around here, and the bottle should really be recycled.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2020, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/114 "2020-04-11T01:29:58Z")
“Pretty good. I got another week off and three new leads.” “No they don’t! They call it a fucking shovel!” “Duhhhh … vanilla!” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2020, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/115 "2020-04-11T01:36:16Z")
“Now where’s that virgin you want me to kill?” “Ugh. Why you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?” ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2020, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/116 "2020-04-11T02:06:54Z")
“You might as well, they’ve guessed your name three times already.” “You take the gun and shoot that dog.” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2020, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/117 "2020-04-11T03:10:03Z")
“Wisconsin” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2020, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/118 "2020-04-11T04:54:00Z")
“Same diagnosis; better HMO.” ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Sean\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2020, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/119 "2020-04-11T05:30:40Z")
“Ach, keep your fucking sheep.” “Hey MacLeod, got off of my ewe.” “When he rubbed it, it turned into a suitcase.” He sold his soul to Santa. He threw himself behind a moving bus. He’s all right now. Boil the hell out of it. She says, “Daddy, I want a new apartment.” “Dam!” A stick. 25 sizes larger than an “A” bra. They’re trying to get away from the noise. * * * “Stay the blazes home” - Stephen McNeil, Premier of Nova Scotia ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2020, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/120 "2020-04-11T05:46:54Z")
(to the most offensive joke I know) “You can’t unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=7)