# A new Punch Line thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [April 8, 2020, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364 "2020-04-08T17:58:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/141 "2020-04-12T05:19:23Z")
“Capitalism asks ‘What’s a line?’ and Communism asks ‘What’s sausage?’” “But this says ‘Thatcher!’” “Isn’t it enough that you’re black?” “That’s what they all paid.” “Hell, if I had known you were doing that I’d’ve given you \*\*all \*\*my business!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/142 "2020-04-12T08:05:22Z")
One dead baby in ten trashcans. “I thought you said King Kong’s balls.” ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/143 "2020-04-12T08:35:48Z")
“About a mile down the road, you’d have said, ‘man, I wish that motherfucker would have tried that shit with me’.” * * * Christopher Walken * * * Because he’s hung like this [stretch arms out like you’re on the cross] ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Sean\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/144 "2020-04-12T11:19:03Z")
“Silly Bobbit, dicks are for kids!” Now her name is Lorena Kutakokov. “Come on, Dad, you’ve had enough.” “Oh yeah, I forgot, he shit in my pants too.” "…so I said “Thyroid problem?’” :… no one’s Bin Workin here." They were afraid she would make an afghan. “One more remark like that, and I’ll smash your face in!” Norman says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time.” “I sunk the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people!!!” “Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.” “That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.” “Well I don’t know about you, but I am freezing!” ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/145 "2020-04-12T11:24:12Z")
A stick of gum. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/146 "2020-04-12T14:58:11Z")
“Might as well. I can’t get this damned hubcap off!” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/147 "2020-04-12T15:01:31Z")
“You **idiot**! Eat grass now, save the hay fror the winter!” “What you mean, ‘wrong hole’?” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/148 "2020-04-12T16:33:44Z")
“I know where he lives. He never would’ve made it in time.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/149 "2020-04-12T16:46:20Z")
“Ha-ha, gotcha again!” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/150 "2020-04-12T17:31:01Z")
“And then everyone stood up, faced me and asked, ‘José, can you see?’” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/151 "2020-04-12T18:08:35Z")
Well, I’m not surprised. Ever since you got here, it’s been bitch, bitch, bitch. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2020, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/152 "2020-04-12T21:19:12Z")
“A ‘vegetarian.’” “A ‘rancher.’” “A ‘rake.’” “A show-off.” “Breakfast.” “A quarter-pounder with cheese.” “A six-pack and a dog.” ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/153 "2020-04-13T20:29:50Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > Here are a LOT of “PUNch” lines… > > 1. People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones. > 2. There’s no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise. > 3. Fair boot boy with teaks of Chan. > 4. The pie rates of Penn’s aunts. > 5. Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers. > 6. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear. > 7. Abcess makes the fart go Honda. > 8. It was the beast of Thames; it was the wurst of Thames. > 9. Transcend dental medication. > 10. Dill waters run steep. > 11. Super California mystic - Expert: Halitosis. > 12. It was the bottom of the ninth; the score was tied; the basses > were loaded. > 13. Making an obscene clone fall. > 14. Treads rush in where wise men fear to fool. > 15. A Benny shaved is a Benny urned. > 16. We came to ferry Caesar; not to graze him. > 17. We came to seize your berry; not to appraise it. > 18. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. > 19. You wouldn’t send a knight out on a dog like this. > 20. Oh, my baking yak! > 21. A four-loaf cleaver. > 22. No Huns, no writs, no Eros, and nun on base. > 23. Hale hath no Fury like the woman’s corn. > 24. Taking mynahs over stately lions for immortal porpoises. > 25. Follow the yellow-dicked toad. > 26. Squaw bury Shortcake. > 27. The squaw on the hippopotamous is equal to the sum of the squaws > on the other two hides. > 28. The first Indian to wire a head for a reservation. > 29. The lesser of two weevils. > 30. Now I weigh me down to sweep. > 31. Only Hugh can prevent florist friars. > 32. The Czech is in the male. > 33. You can’t have your kayak and heat it too. > 34. It’s a knick-knack, Paddy Black; give the frog a loan. > 35. No tern was left unstoned. > 36. With fronds like these, who need anemones? > 37. One’s a bunch of cunning runts. > 38. One’s a bunch of mutts. > 39. One follows the yellow brick road; the other swallows the > yellow prick’s load. > 40. Don’t fry for me, Marge and Tina. > 41. Yeast is yeast, and nest is nest, and never tha mane shall tweet. > 42. Sunday my prints will come. > 43. The son never sits on the British umpire. > 44. Silly rabbi - kicks are for Trids. > 45. It’s a long way to tip a Rary. > 46. Never lock a gift mouse in the hearse. > 47. Never hatchet your Counts until they’ve chickened. > 48. It’s a hickory Daiquiri, Doc! > 49. The herd shot round the world. > 50. Don’t put all your Basques in one exit. > 51. It’s not wetter Yewin that counts; it’s how you ply the gum. > 52. The best Yings in Fife are free. > 53. He must have taken Leif off his census. > 54. The din of inequity. > 55. He who has a Tates is lost. > 56. The koala tea of Mercy is not strained. > 57. The Whore-Force men of the park ellipse. > 58. Reign called off because of game. > 59. The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on. > 60. When Irish spies are filing. > 61. Readers digest and writers cramp. > 62. A cunning linguist. > 63. I left my harp in Sam Crab’s disco. > 64. I’ll be seeing ewes in all the old familiar braces. > 65. That was the bar bitch you ate. > 66. The beer that made Mel Famey walk us. > 67. A Hun is the lowest form of roomer. > 68. One tooth free for Fife’s Hicks; Steven ate nine tench. > 69. The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich. > 70. I tossed a tern all night, and couldn’t sweep a link. > 71. The taxi-free municipal blondes. > 72. The glass is always cleaner on the brother’s side of the mill. > 73. He that is without shins among you, let him stone the first cast. > 74. Salmon chanted: “Evening”. > 75. You’re chicken, catcher Torre! > 76. Oh, sweet Mr, Rhee of life - at last I’ve found you! 46a. Never lock a gift hearse in vermouth. 1. How do ya like that! I’m up the paddle without a crick! 2. That was an anthology of English pros. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/154 "2020-04-13T20:31:52Z")
“Mom’s up on the roof right now…” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/155 "2020-04-13T20:47:02Z")
“b, 21. G, 9. I, 14.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/156 "2020-04-13T21:29:36Z")
“So sue me.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/157 "2020-04-13T21:37:49Z")
“OK, I’ll do it.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/158 "2020-04-13T21:55:38Z")
“Well, just a little at first.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/159 "2020-04-13T22:10:23Z")
“I’ll have you know my _grandfather_ donated that light bulb.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2020, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364/160 "2020-04-13T22:41:29Z")
“Mabel! Grease the cat!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-punch-line-thread/851364.md?page=9)