# A new twist on collecting money at weddings: heard of this one? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 15, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749 "2011-01-15T21:12:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/21 "2011-01-16T01:08:58Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I wouldn’t even give them “best intentions” - their intention was to extort money from friends and family. “Appalling” seems like the right word for this. I would have to seriously consider going to their wedding the next day and the future of our friendship. Some folks–a friend of mine and my own husband, for two–decided not to go, they were so annoyed. My friend had a teenaged babysitter last night who got the call, and she, poor kid, freaked out–and she was by herself with the kids. Holy moley. (Friend’s husband did come.) I just got back from the wedding. People, _there was a money tree._ :eek: There was a box for cards–they knew they would mostly get gift cards and cash–on a table for gifts, and right in the middle there was a money tree. OK, they tend to be a little clueless. And they have no money, so maybe they figured this was a good idea. But DUDE. I don’t have any money either and I would never dream of doing this sort of thing. Especially when I know perfectly well that just about everyone who was at the wedding donated time and effort and food and expertise. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/22 "2011-01-16T01:11:29Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > I [heard about it](http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=11605.0) on [Etiquette Hell.](http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=50510.0) Oh my golly. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/23 "2011-01-16T01:42:42Z")
> [@Ludy](#): > > I have heard of ‘kidnapping’ local celebrities to raise money for a charity, but never for a wedding. _ **warning: Tommy Lee Jones may not be work safe. Take it up with him. A nickle says he laughs.** _ …Where’s [Tommy Lee Jones](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ygKHdv19Kk&NR=1) when you need him? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/24 "2011-01-16T01:50:38Z")
They did this at my middle class cousin’s wedding in Minnesota. It was apparantly a common occurance to everyone there, although I had never heard of it before. It happened at the reception - the bride went missing and the best man came and announced that she had been kidnapped and a ranson was needed to be paid. I don’t think that they mentioned any ammount, they just passed the hat. The best man and groomsmen took her to a bar and drank while the best man collected the ransom. It was more amusing than tacky. The method described in the OP sounds more tacky than amusing. There is a heavy Czech influence in the semi-rural town where this occured. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/25 "2011-01-16T01:56:13Z")
I was at a reception where the bridesmaids kidnapped the bride. Eventually ALL the female guests disappeared. Finally, the men (at least the ones who weren’t watching the game) noticed it. The women were discovered in a back room doing shots. No ransom was collected. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/26 "2011-01-16T02:46:50Z")
Never had that happen, but I did have my new inlaws send my own daughter to me to hit me up for $2,000 to pay for debts that they incurred. I said ‘no’. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/27 "2011-01-16T02:48:58Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > Some folks–a friend of mine and my own husband, for two–decided not to go, they were so annoyed. My friend had a teenaged babysitter last night who got the call, and she, poor kid, freaked out–and she was by herself with the kids. Holy moley. (Friend’s husband did come.) > > I just got back from the wedding. People, _there was a money tree._ :eek: There was a box for cards–they knew they would mostly get gift cards and cash–on a table for gifts, and right in the middle there was a money tree. > > OK, they tend to be a little clueless. And they have no money, so maybe they figured this was a good idea. But DUDE. I don’t have any money either and I would never dream of doing this sort of thing. Especially when I know perfectly well that just about everyone who was at the wedding donated time and effort and food and expertise. I don’t blame people who didn’t go. A few things come to mind; the first, most obvious one is that if you can’t afford to have a wedding, don’t freaking have one! Getting married doesn’t have to be more complicated than a couple of people at city hall, possibly with a buffet and a cash bar afterwards. The second thing that comes to mind is that you do usually get lots of cash as wedding gifts; asking for cash is beyond tacky. The third is any gift is just that, a gift - it shouldn’t be expected as your due. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/28 "2011-01-16T02:52:15Z")
> [@Flutterby](#): > > They did this at my friend’s wedding. She’s Hungarian. > > Someone kidnapped her from the reception and stuck her in a corner somewhere, and anyone who wanted to could donate to ransom her back. > > I think she was a little put out that _I_ noticed she was missing before her (now ex) husband did.. > > The way this was done was just horrible though. Wait, wtf? Was this a real kidnapping? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/29 "2011-01-16T02:53:41Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Never had that happen, but I did have my new inlaws send my own daughter to me to hit me up for $2,000 to pay for debts that they incurred. I said ‘no’. I hope you mean for the wedding, because them asking for money from you for their general debts is almost inconceivable. Debts from the wedding is bad enough - all of a sudden you’re supposed to pay for things that you hadn’t agreed to? No way, man. We paid for our own (small) wedding ourselves, and it was completely worth it to not have to answer to or deal with anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/30 "2011-01-16T03:39:27Z")
> [@Pitchmeister](#): > > In rural Germany there is a tradition of “kidnapping” the bride, but that is done at the reception. Mind you, I have never attended a wedding were this was likely to happen and sincerely hope that I never will, but from stories I hear this is how it goes: > > The best man and some of his mates (or maybe the biggest young male lowlifes in the wedding party) abduct the bride to a local pub, whereupon the groom has to search the town for her, and when he finally finds them in whatever bar they’re hiding, pay the tab for his “friends”, who have meanwhile been getting pretty drunk. Like I said, never experienced first hand, but I’m sure it’s a hoot for everyone at the party. :rolleyes: This I can see as funny if the bride and groom are into it. If she’s raising hell at the pub along with the friends, it could be a fun story. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/31 "2011-01-16T03:42:15Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I hope you mean for the wedding, because them asking for money from you for their general debts is almost inconceivable. Debts from the wedding is bad enough - all of a sudden you’re supposed to pay for things that you hadn’t agreed to? No way, man. > > We paid for our own (small) wedding ourselves, and it was completely worth it to not have to answer to or deal with anyone else. Yeah, for the wedding costs. My side of the aisle had about 10 people. Theirs had about 150. They had insisted on paying for their only son’s wedding/reception, etc., which was fine with me, since it was my daughter’s second wedding. At the reception, she comes over and gives me the news. I was royally pissed (not at her), and she was in tears. Nice work, assholes. We were annoyed and upset, so we left. On the way out, we run into the mother who says, in disbelief, “You’re _leaving_?” “Yup”. “But what about the money?” “Not our problem.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/32 "2011-01-16T03:45:57Z")
OH boy. Classy people. That’s like people who buy an expensive gift for someone else, then come to you later and tell you what your share is (when you had no hand in anything up to this point). ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/33 "2011-01-16T03:59:49Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Yeah, for the wedding costs. My side of the aisle had about 10 people. Theirs had about 150. They had insisted on paying for their only son’s wedding/reception, etc., which was fine with me, since it was my daughter’s second wedding. At the reception, she comes over and gives me the news. I was royally pissed (not at her), and she was in tears. Nice work, assholes. > > We were annoyed and upset, so we left. On the way out, we run into the mother who says, in disbelief, “You’re _leaving_?” “Yup”. “But what about the money?” “Not our problem.” My FIL did this to my folks, at the rehearsal dinner. It caused a rift between him and my parents that _still_ has not healed. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/34 "2011-01-16T04:04:18Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I don’t blame people who didn’t go. A few things come to mind; the first, most obvious one is that if you can’t afford to have a wedding, don’t freaking have one! Getting married doesn’t have to be more complicated than a couple of people at city hall, possibly with a buffet and a cash bar afterwards. The second thing that comes to mind is that you do usually get lots of cash as wedding gifts; asking for cash is beyond tacky. The third is any gift is just that, a gift - it shouldn’t be expected as your due. I don’t blame anyone either. I wasn’t quite in the mood myself, but felt like I should just suck it up and go. But that was me, and I certainly understand the folks who were too ticked off to attend. The money tree was a bit of a last straw, really. A lot of people worked hard to support them and make this wedding happen for almost nothing, and at several points the bride and groom went into the realm of Really Inappropriate. Oh well, the main thing is they’re married. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/35 "2011-01-16T04:30:46Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > A lot of people worked hard to support them and make this wedding happen for almost nothing, and at several points the bride and groom went into the realm of Really Inappropriate. Oh well, the main thing is they’re married. Just wait for what happens if they decide to have kids… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/36 "2011-01-16T04:34:05Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > I [heard about it](http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=11605.0) on [Etiquette Hell.](http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=50510.0) Holy Shit. That is FUCKED UP. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/37 "2011-01-16T05:55:23Z")
From the second link: \*The thing these gimme brides and grooms forget (or maybe not) is that the money collecting “cultural traditions” predate bridal showers, gift registries, engagement parties, and even giving gifts at the wedding. Way back when these games started, whatever cash was collected during the reception was what they got instead of gifts, not in addition to them. I wonder how many of today’s happy, grabby couples would still cling so tightly to these traditions if they had to give up everything else?\* ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/38 "2011-01-16T06:15:20Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Just wait for what happens if they decide to have kids… :eek: Given that he already has like 3-4 kids with ex-wives, and can’t support them, I’m hoping they don’t decide to add to the number. It’s sad, because I know she would have loved to have more than the one she’s got (ex-husband has two mental illnesses), esp. a girl, but I don’t see how they could manage. And she’s not much younger than I am. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/39 "2011-01-16T06:19:16Z")
You don’t see how they’ll manage? They’ll mooch, is my guess. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749/40 "2011-01-16T07:14:09Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > And you thought the dollar dance was tacky. When we lived in SW Louisiana, not only did they have wedding dances, but they advertised them on the radio. As a pretty standard practice. I suppose in defense of this nearly every Cajun in Lafayette was related to every other Cajun, so they were telling relatives. I thought that was the worst, but the kidnapping takes the cake. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-new-twist-on-collecting-money-at-weddings-heard-of-this-one/567749.md?page=3)