# A Nice Set Of Melons **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 4, 2003, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229 "2003-07-04T13:26:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/21 "2003-07-04T17:24:43Z")
“Standing there shiny and proud by your side, Holding your joint while the neighbors decide, Why is a vegetable something to hide? To hi-i-ide, To hi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ide?” –_Call Any Vegetable_ by Frank Zappa ---
**Author:** ![jessondair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@jessondair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jessondair)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/22 "2003-07-04T17:34:08Z")
I don’t know what’s more disturbing: 1. A guy fucking a watermelon. 2. His friends agreeing to come over and watch him fuck a watermelon. 3. “I’d learned my lesson about penises and electricity” But I’m laughing my ass off, so I guess it doesn’t matter. ROFL Jess ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/23 "2003-07-04T17:40:19Z")
Well… the “penises and electricity” thing was a whole different story, you see. One of the worst things I ever saw happen to a guy was in high school, when a friend of mine participated in the vandalizing of a Sonic-Drive-In. He made the mistake of peeing into the little speaker you order your food through. The electrical arc traveled up the stream and practically fried the poor guy’s tallywhacker. He said it was like being kicked in the nuts while plugging your tinkus into a power socket. What was worse… he told us the next day at school… _Li’l Mr. Happy didn’t seem to WORK any more,_ if you know what I mean. He was scared. I didn’t blame him. To have your dick suddenly cease to function at age 16 is like … like… shit, I don’t know. A disaster, certainly. The next day he reported it still didn’t work, despite hours of priming with dirty magazines. He could pee through it… but that was about it. Day three: still nothing. He was badly frightened… his brother had theorized that he’d shorted out some important nerves, or something. Would it ever work again? He was debating going to the doctor, even if it meant admitting who’d vandalized the Sonic… An entire sexless LIFE stretched out before him, and he was having to take a hard look at that. Day four: He came to school laughing, his heart had wings again. Life was good again. Apparently, the poor thing was just traumatized, that’s all. He reported no less than four successful launchings the previous night, with and without photographic assistance. All was well… but it was a lesson none of us ever forgot… ---
**Author:** ![jessondair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@jessondair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jessondair)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/24 "2003-07-04T17:45:31Z")
ROFL Wang-Ka, you lead a _very_ interesting life, don’t you? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Kickback\_Joe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/cdc98d/32.png) [@Kickback\_Joe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kickback_Joe)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/25 "2003-07-04T17:50:56Z")
Hoo! Funny stuff. I read this earlier and was laughing so hard I had to leave. I stopped by my friends house and he comes to the door with this HUGE piece of watermelon. I died. Flat fell over and died laughing! He called me a weirdo and shut the door on me. That just made me laugh harder. Here I am laughing my ass off on his front porch, tears in my eyes and his wife drives up with another watermelon. I don’t think I will be able to handle it at their BBQ later this afternoon. Too Funny! ---
**Author:** ![Bandanaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ab097/32.png) [@Bandanaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bandanaman)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/26 "2003-07-04T17:55:22Z")
I have a feeling this is real. From what I’ve sen around the net these days, it’s pretty tame by comparison. But still distrubing. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/27 "2003-07-04T18:00:37Z")
Thank you, Joe. You have made my entire ordeal worthwhile. Knowing that out there, somewhere, in the great world girdled by the Net, that I have made it impossible for someone to accept a slab of watermelon on the fourth of July without bursting out laughing… …has achieved my purpose. (snicker) ---
**Author:** ![Kickback\_Joe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/cdc98d/32.png) [@Kickback\_Joe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kickback_Joe)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/28 "2003-07-04T18:03:54Z")
You are welcome. Damn I’m still laughing. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/29 "2003-07-04T18:24:03Z")
Whether any of this is true or not, I think I want to start hanging out with **Wang-Ka**. But _especially_ if it’s true. Bravo again, Mr. **Ka**. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/30 "2003-07-04T20:12:55Z")
Hell, no matter WHAT I said… would you BELIEVE me? And like I said, I wasn’t there. But I knew the guy. And I believe it. ---
**Author:** ![cadolphin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c37758/32.png) [@cadolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cadolphin)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/31 "2003-07-04T20:28:26Z")
ROTFLMFAO **Wang-Ka** is my new favorite poster too! Whether this short story is fantasy or a true story matters not to me. Every story I’ve ever read by **Wang-Ka** has been so well written and entertaining, when I reach the end, I find myself wanting more! I can’t wait until his next story! \ Wang Ka, Wang Ka, Wang Ka… Everyone now: WANG KA \ Everybody **Wang-Ka** tonight 😃 ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/32 "2003-07-04T20:34:53Z")
**Wang-Ka** , You’re a hoot. You can party with me anytime! ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/33 "2003-07-04T23:39:19Z")
Heh, reminds me of a moment from the 1985 BBC series **[Happy Families](http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/EpisodeGuideSummary/showid-6227/)** : Priest : “How many starving peasants would have been glad of that melon??!!” Pitchfork-wielding peasant : “They’d have had to be pretty bloody hungry!” ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/34 "2003-07-05T03:45:26Z")
I remember reading that story when I first started posting here. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/35 "2003-07-05T03:50:56Z")
Interesting story, man… very amusing. F\_X ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/36 "2003-07-05T04:07:12Z")
Very funny story! Sock Munkey, it was posted in this thread originally: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=159607](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=159607) ---
**Author:** ![fizgig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@fizgig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizgig)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/37 "2003-07-05T04:18:36Z")
I’m going to snicker, and wonder, from now on everytime I see someone at the grocery store with a melon (or especially multiples) in his/her carts. ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/38 "2003-07-05T04:37:24Z")
Here I was, happily enjoying having the watermelon I ate with my Independence Day cookout squelch through my digestive system, when I came upon this thread. Now all the happy childhood memories of eating watermelon with my family on hot summer days have been replaced with images of a guy getting his freak on with a melon. As for your other pal’s electrified eel, wasn’t there a game featured on _Red & Stimpy_ called, “Don’t Whiz on the Electric Fence?” Both seem like obvious things not to do. Electricity travels through water, Mr. Wanga-Pal. Of course, he had to learn it the hard way. ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/39 "2003-07-05T05:11:58Z")
I had chilled watermellon cubes at the beach today. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Raini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@Raini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raini)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2003, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229/40 "2003-07-05T05:33:28Z")
Eating watermelon will NEVER be the same again!!!..just as the enjoyment of eating apple pie has changed!!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-nice-set-of-melons/186229.md?page=3)