# A one-act play chronicling my dog walk last night **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130 "2013-07-10T12:53:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/1 "2013-07-10T12:53:39Z")
[JUSTIN BAILEY, MRS. BAILEY, and their DOG are approaching THE VACANT HOUSE] JUSTIN BAILEY: I know it’s after midnight, but I think our dog likes taking walks in the middle of the night. MRS. BAILEY: Yes, it’s so hot during the day that this is the only time we can do it. VOICE (off stage): Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. MRS. BAILEY: What the hell was that? JUSTIN BAILEY: I don’t know. VOICE (off stage): Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. [JUSTIN BAILEY, MRS. BAILEY, and their DOG are now directly in front of THE VACANT HOUSE and the CAR parked in the driveway] VOICE (from car): Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. JUSTIN BAILEY: Are there two people in there having…? VOICE (emphasis): Oh my god! Oh my god! Yes! Yes! Yes! JUSTIN BAILEY: I guess that’s a yes. [The DOG is now concerned that someone is being hurt and is pulling JUSTIN BAILEY towards the CAR] JUSTIN BAILEY: No! [The DOG continues to pull] JUSTIN BAILEY: No! [The DOG continues to pull] JUSTIN BAILEY: Come on! [The DOG begins to walk down the street, away from the car] [A HALF-NAKED WOMAN emerges from the CAR and uses a key to enter THE VACANT HOUSE] MRS. Bailey (yelling): Classy! END SCENE ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/2 "2013-07-10T13:07:09Z")
Love the plot twist. Though not sure this is a pitting. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/3 "2013-07-10T13:16:51Z")
I loved this part: > [@](#): > > \*JUSTIN BAILEY: Are there two people in there having…? > > VOICE (emphasis): Oh my god! Oh my god! Yes! Yes! Yes! > > JUSTIN BAILEY: I guess that’s a yes.\* ---
**Author:** ![Debaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3da27b/32.png) [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/4 "2013-07-10T13:20:07Z")
Pics, or it didn’t happen. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/5 "2013-07-10T15:20:34Z")
Mrs. Bailey is no fun. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/6 "2013-07-10T15:26:53Z")
Are you pitting your dog? ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/7 "2013-07-10T15:49:26Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > [ > > MRS. Bailey (yelling): Classy! > > END SCENE This is the part that strikes me as being somewhat classless. You’ve already said it’s past midnight. The folk in the car certainly have no reason to think they’d be offending passersby. I think the proper etiquette in this situation is to nod politely and continue on your way. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/8 "2013-07-10T16:00:33Z")
Which half was naked? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/9 "2013-07-10T16:09:08Z")
That’s funny, because me and the wife were out doing it in the car last night… ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/10 "2013-07-10T16:45:05Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > That’s funny, because me and the wife were out doing it in the car last night… When a couple of nosy gits and their dog just couldn’t take a hint and get lost? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/11 "2013-07-10T16:48:35Z")
I don’t know what this world’s coming to when a married couple, in the privacy of their own car parked in the privacy of their own driveway can’t… um, relive their high school days… :: slowly walking away, shaking my head and uttering “tsk, tsk tsk” :: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/12 "2013-07-10T16:59:20Z")
Wait, so is it a VACANT HOUSE or not? Because you said the lady had a key. Jeesh, let people have their fun. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/13 "2013-07-10T17:06:20Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Wait, so is it a VACANT HOUSE or not? Because you said the lady had a key. > > Jeesh, let people have their fun. Maybe it was a realtor. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/14 "2013-07-10T17:22:10Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > Which half was naked? I hope the answer to this is a surprise - like, the left half, or the lower left quadrant and the upper right quadrant. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/15 "2013-07-10T17:34:08Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Maybe it was a realtor. Then I hope she made that sale! ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/16 "2013-07-10T17:36:39Z")
> [@bup](#): > > I hope the answer to this is a surprise - like, the left half, or the lower left quadrant and the upper right quadrant. Now that you mention it, me too. ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/17 "2013-07-10T18:13:46Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Then I hope she made that sale! Thread winner. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/18 "2013-07-10T18:29:29Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > I don’t know what this world’s coming to when a married couple, in the privacy of their own car parked in the privacy of their own driveway can’t… um, relive their high school days… > > :: slowly walking away, shaking my head and uttering “tsk, tsk tsk” :: > > 😉 It just doesn’t have the same zing if you aren’t parked in a secluded (but still quite public) area. And, ummm, it helps if you chose the vehicle for this activity rather carefully, especially if neither one of the couple is as limber as they used to be. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/19 "2013-07-10T18:30:16Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Then I hope she made that sale! Nah, she blew it. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130/20 "2013-07-10T18:42:54Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > [The DOG is now concerned that someone is being hurt and is pulling JUSTIN BAILEY towards the CAR] You’ll want to explain to pooch that “dogging” doesn’t necessarily require an actual dog [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-one-act-play-chronicling-my-dog-walk-last-night/663130.md?page=2)