# A perplexing mystery for this time of year... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 30, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-perplexing-mystery-for-this-time-of-year/282306 "2004-12-30T20:20:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-perplexing-mystery-for-this-time-of-year/282306/1 "2004-12-30T20:20:22Z")
You may have heard that Bullwinkle the Moose was found dead. And a special prosecutor was appointed to investigate the mysterious circumstances of the moose’s death. Most people are aware of the fact that the moose was found crushed to death by a 16-ton anvil dropped from a great height. And of course, everybody was certain that the moose’s live-in companion (and isn’t that an interesting euphemism?) a certain hyperactive flying squirrel, was the most likely suspect. But further investigation revealed a number of things. First, JPL did a computer simulation and determined that a flying squirrel could not achieve airspeed while carrying a 16-ton anvil, so that cleared Rocket J. Squirrel. But the coroner reported that the \_expression on the moose’s face showed absolutely no fear, so obviously the anvil hit him unexpectedly, or he was completely trusting of the circumstances – which could implicate Rocky after all. The \_expression on the moose’s face was the biggest smile ever seen on a Toon. Clutched in the moose’s baseball mitt – which he always wore when he caught Rocky – was a tiny statue of Krishna. The religious significance of this is not immediately clear; neither is the eyewitness report of a rabbi on a pogo stick rapidly leaving the scene. So…if we summarize the clues in Bullwinkle’s death, what we have is: wee Vishnu, a merry crushed moose, and a hoppy Jew near. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-perplexing-mystery-for-this-time-of-year/282306/2 "2004-12-30T21:28:52Z")
_GROAN_ That was _supremely_ bad, **Clothahump**. My hat is very, very tipped to you. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-perplexing-mystery-for-this-time-of-year/282306/3 "2004-12-30T21:42:24Z")
This is getting sent to all my fellow pun masochists! ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-perplexing-mystery-for-this-time-of-year/282306/4 "2004-12-30T21:50:19Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > But further investigation revealed a number of things. First, JPL did a computer simulation and determined that a flying squirrel could not achieve airspeed while carrying a 16-ton anvil, so that cleared Rocket J. Squirrel. Was it a European flying squirrel or an African flying squirrel? ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-perplexing-mystery-for-this-time-of-year/282306/5 "2004-12-30T22:43:47Z")
Excruciatingly bad pun. Well done. And is that a laden or unladen flying squirrel? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2005, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-perplexing-mystery-for-this-time-of-year/282306/6 "2005-01-01T13:25:48Z")
**bump** because this so totally cracks me up. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-perplexing-mystery-for-this-time-of-year/282306/7 "2005-01-02T01:12:01Z")
Whew! When I saw the bit about the anvil I thought I was going to be accused of something. For the record, I have an alibi. Although a moose bit my sister. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-perplexing-mystery-for-this-time-of-year/282306/8 "2005-01-02T03:32:25Z")
Thank you, **Clothahump!** It’s nearly 10:40pm, and that’s the first laugh I’ve had all day. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-perplexing-mystery-for-this-time-of-year/282306/9 "2005-01-02T03:37:04Z")
Wonderful! That goes in my collection of truly atrocious puns! 🙂