# A platonic date you wish weren't **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908 "2012-08-08T22:39:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/181 "2012-08-15T16:44:59Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > i agree with this! She’s meet several members of my immedaite family, so she wouldn’t be totally lost. Ho. Ly. Shit. Dude, you’ve gone past the “only hear what you want to hear” stage and have zoomed right into the “having a totally different conversation than everyone else” stage. Since \*\*Rich G7subs \*\* has already used the smacky face I’ll have to fall back on ☹ Times a million! ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/182 "2012-08-15T17:17:01Z")
As soon as possible, **etv78** please do this: 1. Create a dating profile on OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, whatever. 2. Arrange a date with someone for whom you have no interest whatsoever. Do it expeditiously; based on availability, not attraction. Don’t feel guilty about “using” her, or condscending to someone below your level: chances are she will feel the same way about you. 3. During the date, experience what’s known as “zero chemistry.” 4. Pay the check and thank her for a great night out (as you each silently add to that “or at least a better one than sitting alone watching TV”) 5. Consider: the utter lack emotional investment you feel towards that person is _exactly how your crush feels about you_. She’s not in denial, not missing a key piece of information, not holding out for you to stand outside in the rain with a boom box overhead. You’ve probably already done 1-4 anyway. All you need to do is make the connection with step 5. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/183 "2012-08-15T17:17:57Z")
Personally, I can’t wait for etv’s future threads about whether or not he should ask out his college classmates, and (potentially) former students. Those should be real page turners (clickers?). ---
**Author:** ![Rucksinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/898d66/32.png) [@Rucksinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rucksinator)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/184 "2012-08-15T17:52:23Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Reading through this thread, do you \*honestly \*think that would be the last time etv contacts her? Absolutely not a chance. A year from now he’ll start another thread, get 5 pages of responses telling him not to, and one person will chime in with “why not give it a shot?”, and he’ll see that as the confirmation he needs to once again rekindle this lost cause. Ditto. > [@etv78](#): > > i agree with this! She’s meet several members of my immedaite family, so she wouldn’t be totally lost. [Looks around for cameras]. OK, this has got to be a joke. Where are the cameras? Am I on Candid Camera or Punk’d? ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/185 "2012-08-15T18:03:17Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Reading through this thread, do you \*honestly \*think that would be the last time etv contacts her? Absolutely not a chance. A year from now he’ll start another thread, get 5 pages of responses telling him not to, and one person will chime in with “why not give it a shot?”, and he’ll see that as the confirmation he needs to once again rekindle this lost cause. Well I can’t really control all that. But I still stand behind my advice. I think it would give some closure and allow him to bow out with some grace. ---
**Author:** ![Rucksinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/898d66/32.png) [@Rucksinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rucksinator)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/186 "2012-08-15T18:08:16Z")
> [@Scotty Mo](#): > > Well I can’t really control all that. But I still stand behind my advice. I think it would give some closure and allow him to bow out with some grace. People on this MB have given him all of the closure that he’s going to get. It’s over. As for bowing out with grace, not contacting her ever again is the best way to bow out with a shred of dignity left. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/187 "2012-08-15T18:25:19Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > i agree with this! She’s meet several members of my immedaite family, so she wouldn’t be totally lost. Ok, you’ve been jabbed at a few times over this, but I’ll be nice. You claim to agree with me, but have missed the point. The point is… You don’t need a date at your sister’s wedding. You don’t need a date at Thanksgiving Dinner. You don’t need a date at your dad’s 4th of July Barbeque. If you were dating someone, you might invite them to these types of events because you want to share special events with your SO. This is in stark contrast with, for example, my neighbor’s wedding. I was invited, as we get together occasionally, and whatnot. If I were single, I would have been very bored at the wedding, since I know few of their friends/family, and can’t possibly expect to monopolize their time. So, I would plan to take a date, even just a friend, because I need someone to talk to. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/188 "2012-08-15T18:57:02Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > Ok, you’ve been jabbed at a few times over this, but I’ll be nice. You claim to agree with me, but have missed the point. > > The point is… > > You don’t need a date at your sister’s wedding. > > You don’t need a date at Thanksgiving Dinner. > > You don’t need a date at your dad’s 4th of July Barbeque. > > If you were dating someone, you might invite them to these types of events because you want to share special events with your SO. > This is in stark contrast with, for example, my neighbor’s wedding. I was invited, as we get together occasionally, and whatnot. If I were single, I would have been very bored at the wedding, since I know few of their friends/family, and can’t possibly expect to monopolize their time. **So, I would plan to take a date, even just a friend, because I need someone to talk to.** You know he’s just going to quote your last sentence and say he agrees with you and is going to ask her again, right? ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/189 "2012-08-15T20:46:02Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **pancakes** / **kunilou** -I have previously laid out how I felt, though not as blatantly. I also lost touch for the better part of a decade. I don’t know why this wasn’t a huge clue-by-four to you **not** to send that email. I hope you’re ready to lose touch for the better part of another decade or more as that email you sent will pretty much clinch it. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/190 "2012-08-15T21:11:05Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > I don’t know why this wasn’t a huge clue-by-four to you **not** to send that email. I hope you’re ready to lose touch for the better part of another decade or more as that email you sent will pretty much clinch it. “You’re saying my email will clinch it? Awesome, thanks for the very helpful advice! I’m definitely going to follow up now!” - Something I assume ETV is thinking while reading this. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/191 "2012-08-15T21:26:31Z")
Yeah, that’s probably how it will go. I don’t even know why I bothered. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/192 "2012-08-15T22:26:35Z")
Just to recap here, it was August 9 at 1:48 a.m. when the OP posted > [@etv78](#): > > Sent an e-mail, explaining what’s in my heart, going to bed. Will tell you her response (once I have it, and have probably stopped crying) It’s now August 15. In fact, in about 8 hours it will be exactly one week since the OP sent the email. She hasn’t responded yet. Now the absolute best case scenario is that she’s being incredibly thoughtless and rude not to have at least replied with “I’m really busy. We’ll talk.” The worst case scenario is that she doesn’t want to talk about it, at all. Ever. Do you really want to pursue a relationship with someone who is so incredibly thoughtless and rude that she leaves you hanging for a WEEK after you tell her what’s in your heart? Or, do you really think that after a WEEK without a response that there’s the slightest chance she wants to move the relationship in the same direction as you? You took your shot. In real life, sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. This time it didn’t. Better to accept it now than to drag this out all the way until your sister’s wedding when your “friendship” (which already seems pretty one-sided to me) will end anyway because she either backs out at the last minute or you both have a VERY uncomfortable day together. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/193 "2012-08-15T23:45:10Z")
So what are you saying? That there’s like a one in a thousand chance of him going out with her? More like one in a million. Etv: you mean there’s still a chance?! ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/194 "2012-08-15T23:48:30Z")
Hey, etv, why don’t you just rape her? She’ll surely thank you for it afterwards. Your way of thinking is definitely better than hers. What does she know? Slag. You’re not at all a creepy weirdo. Don’t let anyone say you are. You seem perfectly respectable to me. Sincerely, T. Bundy ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/195 "2012-08-16T00:30:55Z")
**etv** , when is the last time you got laid? Honestly, I ask with no snark. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/196 "2012-08-16T02:05:24Z")
i think this thread has gotten out of hand and needs to be locked. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/197 "2012-08-16T02:07:10Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > Hey, etv, why don’t you just rape her? She’ll surely thank you for it afterwards. Your way of thinking is definitely better than hers. What does she know? Slag. > > You’re not at all a creepy weirdo. Don’t let anyone say you are. You seem perfectly respectable to me. > > Sincerely, > > T. Bundy Seriously, this goes too far. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/198 "2012-08-16T03:29:12Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > [Quote=Simple Linctus View] > > Hey, etv, why don’t you just rape her? She’ll surely thank you for it afterwards. Your way of thinking is definitely better than hers. What does she know? Slag. > > You’re not at all a creepy weirdo. Don’t let anyone say you are. You seem perfectly respectable to me. > > Sincerely, > > T. Bundy Seriously, this goes too far. [/QUOTE] And not even original. Page 2, this thread > [@toofs](#): > > Roofies. Stay classy guys. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/199 "2012-08-16T07:16:15Z")
It is starting to verge on harrassment though. She made it very clear 15 years ago that she was not interested, and cut off contact with him for ten years. How many emails with date invites and declarations of love has he sent her over the duration of this thread? The fact she’s not replying should tell him that she does _not_ reciprocate, and to drop it. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/200 "2012-08-16T07:17:58Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Seriously, this goes too far. Oh sure, you can say that from up in your ivory tower! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908.md?page=11)