# A platonic date you wish weren't **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908 "2012-08-08T22:39:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/61 "2012-08-10T02:12:28Z")
**Lobot** -So I shouldn’t play my one Evanscence song on loop? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/62 "2012-08-10T02:19:40Z")
Which one? Well the die is cast. Can’t wait to see what you rolled. Personally I would have gone to the wedding with her and then teared up a bit when my sis got married. Only let her see it. Or go the the wedding as friends and then hit a women who is just slightly less attractive than her and let the natural female competitiveness take care of things for you. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/63 "2012-08-10T02:38:09Z")
> [@De-friending someone of FB: WTF is the point?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/de-friending-someone-of-fb-wtf-is-the-point/630978/32): > > Someone I romantically pursued too agressively. (from another thread…) Well, no worries _here…_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/64 "2012-08-10T02:42:58Z")
I haven’t even really pursued this person. And all I did to the one in Sin City is ask if she was interested in a LDR. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/65 "2012-08-10T13:37:38Z")
I really hope you’re making all of this up. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/66 "2012-08-10T14:40:04Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **Rachel** -I’ll probably end up stag at the wedding. IMO, being friends with someone before dating is important. There’s nothing wrong with being friends with someone before dating. But being friends with someone in the hope that they’ll develop feelings towards you is not good. I want friends who want to hang out with me and talk about stuff because they enjoy hanging out with me and enjoy talking with me, not because they have an ulterior motive. ---
**Author:** ![toofs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@toofs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toofs)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/67 "2012-08-10T15:00:20Z")
Roofies. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/68 "2012-08-10T15:15:52Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > There’s nothing wrong with being friends with someone before dating. But being friends with someone in the hope that they’ll develop feelings towards you is not good. I want friends who want to hang out with me and talk about stuff because they enjoy hanging out with me and enjoy talking with me, not because they have an ulterior motive. To add on to this, if you’re dating someone who you share common interests with, have good conversations and like spending time with one another, you WILL become friends. It’s guaranteed. If you’re friends with someone because you share common interests with her, have good conversations and like spending time with one another, it is NOT guaranteed you’ll end up dating her. In fact, the odds are very slim indeed. Given your need for both friendship and love from the same person, which route is the best to take? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/69 "2012-08-10T15:23:36Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > Dude. Drop her. As a potential partner _and_ friend. I know it is going to be difficult, very difficult, but there comes a time when the unrequited love destroys the enjoyment of a friendship. I had a similar situation. We were very close. She loved me as a friend. I wanted more. She did not. Eventually I had to bail. Even now four years later I sometimes wish things were different. +4,273 I have been through several of these over the years, One I carried a torch for 16 years before flaming out rather spectacularly. I had been totally in love with her for 90% of that time and i know she liked the attention but had no desire to expand our relationship beyond cuddled up on the couch watching movies and more long slow kisses goodnight than mortal man deserves. OTOH another woman I dated looked me up on facebook 14 years later. We are about 250 miles apart now but see each other every few months. Its been nothing but mind blowing. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/70 "2012-08-10T15:25:54Z")
**Vinyl** -Sadly, this is real. **Sam** and **Enderw** -I agree a relationship built on common interests AND friendship is ideal. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/71 "2012-08-10T15:33:33Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > I agree completely Sklad. She is one of my one dear friends. I care too much aboutr her to do ANYTHING to hurt her. It’s “Skald.” I don’t know who the fuck Sklad is. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/72 "2012-08-10T15:37:46Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **Vinyl** -Sadly, this is real. **Sam** and **Enderw** -I agree a relationship built on common interests AND friendship is ideal. You may be slightly missing the point I’ve made. To put this in geometry terms (whether that helps or not, I dunno), this is a “square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn’t a square” type of thing. So let me say it differently. Sure she’s pretty and you could probably bang her, but you go into first date with someone you don’t know specifically to determine if this is someone who you can spend time with. Do you actually have anything in common? You can go into a date blind and wind up with both a girlfriend AND a friend. Indeed, that’s the point. But you don’t go into a friendship thinking “is this a person I could end up dating?” #1, jumping that track from friendzone to love interest is such a low probability it’s only going to end up crushing you more often than not. And #2, the odds are MUCH more likely that you’ll end up with no love AND no friend. Because friendships don’t survive with that level of unrequitted tension between them. So you can choose the first path where you’ll end up with both or you can choose the second path where, more often than not, you end up with neither. Which route do you prefer? ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/73 "2012-08-10T16:09:11Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > It’s “Skald.” I don’t know who the fuck Sklad is. Did we get another Wiccan doper, who goes sky-clad save for blue woad circles around his/her things? So no reply in the OP’s in-box? In her place, that’s how I’d handle it. “Love is blind; friendship pretends to not to notice.” ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/74 "2012-08-10T16:18:17Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > You may be slightly missing the point I’ve made. To put this in geometry terms (whether that helps or not, I dunno), this is a “square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn’t a square” type of thing. > So let me say it differently. Sure she’s pretty and you could probably bang her, but you go into first date with someone you don’t know specifically to determine if this is someone who you can spend time with. Do you actually have anything in common? You can go into a date blind and wind up with both a girlfriend AND a friend. Indeed, that’s the point. > > But you don’t go into a friendship thinking “is this a person I could end up dating?” #1, jumping that track from friendzone to love interest is such a low probability it’s only going to end up crushing you more often than not. And #2, the odds are MUCH more likely that you’ll end up with no love AND no friend. Because friendships don’t survive with that level of unrequitted tension between them. > > So you can choose the first path where you’ll end up with both or you can choose the second path where, more often than not, you end up with neither. Which route do you prefer? Absolutely true how friendships begin vs. relationships. Also true how unrequited love makes friendships _incredibly_ awkward. We’ve known each other for over 15 years, anw have been good friends that whole time (even when out of touch). As I said, I won’t, nor would I want to, risking our great friendship over this. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/75 "2012-08-10T17:16:39Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > As I said, I won’t, nor would I want to, risking our great friendship over this. Unfortunately, I think you just did. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/76 "2012-08-10T17:41:38Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > And all I did to the one in Sin City is ask if she was interested in a LDR. So asking someone if they are interested in a long-distance relationship is your version of being “too aggressive”? No wonder you’ve held onto this unrequited love for so long. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/77 "2012-08-10T18:33:37Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > So asking someone if they are interested in a long-distance relationship is your version of being “too aggressive”? No wonder you’ve held onto this unrequited love for so long. This happened when I 1st joined Facebook (3 years ago) foggy on nitty gritty details at this point. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/78 "2012-08-10T18:57:53Z")
OK, she hasn’t responded yet. But you still haven’t even told us what you said? A lot depends upon that. FWIW, a slow answer is nto necessarily bad. Unless you came off scary, in which case a restraining order takes 24-26 hours in most places\*. 😉 I keeeeed, I keeedd. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/79 "2012-08-10T20:55:16Z")
I told her that I missed having her in my life in a very dark time. I told I think we’d be good together, and we owe it to ourselves to give it a shot. If I don’t hear by Monday, I’m forwarding the interiary my mom sent me, telling her if she’s still game, I’d LOVE for her to go. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908/80 "2012-08-10T21:13:02Z")
Maybe she just doesn’t want to date someone who can’t spell itinerary. But if you work on getting that down, you might have a shot! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-platonic-date-you-wish-werent/630908.md?page=5)