# A poll for guys... be honest. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 31, 2004, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885 "2004-01-31T06:29:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DaddyTimesTwo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DaddyTimesTwo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaddyTimesTwo)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/21 "2004-01-31T15:12:01Z")
Yes, I quite like eye contact during any and all kinds of sex. Which causes a slight struggle for my wife and I as she mostly likes to keep her eyes closed to enjoy the experience. I often ask for to look at me when I climax though. I think that’s pretty cool. 😉 I find it feels more intimate and intense, and, also, there’s an ego boost to it as well, with a male dominance tinge as well. ---
**Author:** ![Adjustable\_Beavis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Adjustable\_Beavis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Adjustable_Beavis)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2004, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/22 "2004-01-31T15:42:47Z")
Yes. It doesn’t have to be the for the whole time. But it makes it seems more intimate, and “personal” for lack of a better word. ---
**Author:** ![DeaganTheWolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DeaganTheWolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeaganTheWolf)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/23 "2004-01-31T17:50:13Z")
I LOVE eye contact. It means that your into what we are doing. I detest it when a partner lays back and “thinks of England”. Eye contact is an important part of showing me that your my equal or near equal in the dominance game. If she can’t do that then I lose interest quick. Fwiw I also feel a need to have equal time \ being the submissive one as well as the dominant one. It’s more interesting for me if things are mixed up all the time. Interestingly, once I begin to climax though, I become totally dominant, and really demand eye contact. Since my S.O. And I are on the same page, it’s not a problem for me anymore. Cheers! ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2004, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/24 "2004-01-31T18:03:16Z")
I have horrid vision. Eyeglasses are generally removed at the beginning of the festivities, so it’s sorta never really occurred to me to look? It wouldn’t be so much like eye contact as it’d be random out of focus staring with the one non-wandering eyeball. While I can focus on very close up stuff, it rather weirds me out to come back to earth for a second, open my eyes and find him staring intently at my face. Just seems like I can _feel_ better with my eyes closed, less mental distraction by shutting down one sensory input, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/25 "2004-01-31T19:24:14Z")
Eye contact during sex, any kind of sex, is a complete turn-on. Probably the one thing I don’t like about being behind my lover (my wife) is that it makes eye contact much more difficult. And yes, her looking into my eyes during oral sex is particularly erotic. I can’t say why, for sure, other than the fact that it just takes an intimate experience and makes it even more so. And it’s just so fucking hot… ---
**Author:** ![blasphmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@blasphmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blasphmer)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/26 "2004-01-31T20:04:02Z")
> [@Soapbox Monkey](#): > > Being a virgin, I can’t answer that. But often times just regular eye contact with a girl can make me nervous because I’m not used to getting any attention from girls. When a random girl looks at me, which might happen once every 6 months, I usually just think there might be something on my face. > > Oh, and physical contact to, that gets me every time. Like just two weeks ago, this one girl who has been very friendly towards me recently just randomly put her arms around me. My mind is so unfamilar with that sort of physical contact that it threw me into a state of confusion and I just tensed up really bad. ☹ I second dat. ---
**Author:** ![HerMajestyLorna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7cd45c/32.png) [@HerMajestyLorna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HerMajestyLorna)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/27 "2004-01-31T20:31:48Z")
I once asked a guy friend if he liked eye contact while recieveing oral sex. His reply: “Hell no! She looks like she’s begging, and I think, ‘what? you want a cookie?’” YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2004, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/28 "2004-01-31T20:48:08Z")
> [@HerMajestyLorna](#): > > She looks like she’s begging, and I think, ‘what? you want a cookie?’ Right on! Now THAT’s sexy! ---
**Author:** ![BabaBooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@BabaBooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BabaBooey)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2004, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/29 "2004-01-31T21:54:57Z")
Agreed. There’s nothing sexier during intercourse than when my lady friend asks me for some spare change… ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2004, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/30 "2004-01-31T23:59:55Z")
**Hell** yes. If I’m interested enough in a woman to have sex with her, I want some real contact. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/31 "2004-02-01T00:12:44Z")
Hey **SS** , other than the obvious “just curious” factor, what makes you ask? What specifically are you trying to understand? ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/32 "2004-02-01T01:06:00Z")
I want to understand the male mind when it comes to sex… _insert ominous music here_. I love my SO more than life itself and I’m too shy to give eye contact. I hate myself for being so shy even though I know he’d enjoy it. Not through the entire session, just some eye contact during special moments. UGH, why do I suck? And no jokes please. I don’t feel comfortable looking into his eyes, maybe self-esteem issues… I don’t know. Not that every guy’s wife or SO is a super model, I know, but I honestly don’t know what he sees in me. I’m not sexy. Ok… that was TMI. I’m gonna go hide in a darkened corner now. Thanks for your posts, guys. ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/33 "2004-02-01T01:24:06Z")
> [@SanguineSpider](#): > > I love my SO more than life itself and I’m too shy to give eye contact. I hate myself for being so shy even though I know he’d enjoy it. Not through the entire session, just some eye contact during special moments. This actually helps me understand why I like it so much… My wife is also something of a shy person. Not exactly a wallflower, but she’s insecure about her appearance and (sometimes) her performance during sex. These are both things I’ve encouraged her to forget about… I think she’s absolutely beautiful, and a wondeful lover. When she’s looking into my eyes while we make love, I know she _is_ forgetting about her fears. I know that she’s there, with me, focused on being together, not on the things that make her insecure. For myself, and I think for her too, it helps to turn sex into something of a transcendant experience. It’s not an easy thing to do… I’ve had some of the same insecurities myself (though probably not as bad as hers), but when we’re looking at one another, it becomes easier to forget. I know it’s not quite this simple, but maybe this will help… does your SO think you’re beautiful? Does he let you know how gorgeous he sees you, and how much you turn him on when you’re together? Maybe you can use that to help you see yourself that way, too… and make it better for both of you. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/34 "2004-02-01T02:54:45Z")
> [@SanguineSpider](#): > > I want to understand the male mind when it comes to sex… _insert ominous music here_. > > I love my SO more than life itself and I’m too shy to give eye contact. I hate myself for being so shy even though I know he’d enjoy it. Not through the entire session, just some eye contact during special moments. UGH, why do I suck? And no jokes please. I don’t feel comfortable looking into his eyes, maybe self-esteem issues… I don’t know. Not that every guy’s wife or SO is a super model, I know, but I honestly don’t know what he sees in me. I’m not sexy. Ok… that was TMI. I’m gonna go hide in a darkened corner now. Thanks for your posts, guys. Thank you for offering that - it helps. And without trying to come across as…I dunno, anything bad - it does seem like you have answered your own question, doesn’t it? You dig it but are afraid of the vulnerability, you get the sense that it could step things up a level with your SO, but still you hesitate. Bottom line? For a level of intensity - it doesn’t get much more intimate, and you know it. What is fascinating - and I am NOT trying to be amateur Freud here - is that you can comment on it on this public-yet-anonymous message board, but you are hesitant when it comes down to it. Wow. Think about what it will be like when you can step into that place with your man. Talk about skyrockets. ---
**Author:** ![Clear\_Air\_Turbulence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@Clear\_Air\_Turbulence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clear_Air_Turbulence)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/35 "2004-02-01T03:47:38Z")
It would be nice, but impractical as it would help her ID me. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/36 "2004-02-01T03:55:28Z")
> [@Clear Air Turbulence](#): > > It would be nice, but impractical as it would help her ID me. Oh man, is that in poor taste… ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/37 "2004-02-01T04:14:21Z")
I can post anything here. I can hide behind my computer screen and not be vulnerable. No one can see me, it’s very easy to share in that sense. I’ve never posted anything untrue here, btw. Why should I lie? No one knows me from Eve (not the Doper **Eve** ). Even if I attend a Dopefest, I still won’t feel vulnerable. I do trust my SO and he thinks I’m sexy (I think he’s insane but whatever) but I don’t feel it very often lately. Ok, let’s face facts here. I _want_ to trust him, to believe what he says to me. He has never lied before, I don’t think he’d start now. He says I’m the best lover he’s ever had but he’s only been with a few girls total. I sometimes think he’s just saying it to make me relax, for me to be more spontaneous in bed. I really take compliments badly… gifts, too. I’m a wee bit messed up. Men scare me, always have. Also, I feel like most guys think of women as stupid, whiney, or bitchy even as these guys are trying to get into their pants. I know… I’ve got issues. I could invade the SDMB with all my issue threads but I shant do that. My SO _is_ a great guy and my bias is not healthy. Why can’t I relax?? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/38 "2004-02-01T04:34:02Z")
Eye contact is good and all, and _is_ sexy, but the best is when she rolls her eyes back up in her head, digs her fingernails into my back and lets loose with a string of moans and yelps that almost wakes up the kids. And if she ever reads this she’ll almost certainly never attend another Dopefest again! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/39 "2004-02-01T04:57:50Z")
> [@HerMajestyLorna](#): > > I once asked a guy friend if he liked eye contact while recieveing oral sex. His reply: > > “Hell no! She looks like she’s begging, and I think, ‘what? you want a cookie?’” > > YMMV. If the woman going down on me wants a cookie, she’ll get a fucking cookie. **SanguineSpider** - _hug_ Don’t worry about your S.O. If he says he’s happy, he’s happy. ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885/40 "2004-02-01T05:19:10Z")
Happy but… he’s too nice to say anything. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-for-guys-be-honest/226885.md?page=3)