# A Poll: How Much Does Hell Want You? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 8, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690 "2011-02-08T20:56:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/1 "2011-02-08T20:56:13Z")
Based on [this photograph](http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/06/02/hells_most_wanted.jpg) (that’s [elsewhere](http://www.google.com/images?um=1&hl=en&safe=off&rls=com.microsoft%3Aen-us&tbs=isch%3A1&sa=1&q=hell%27s+most+wanted+sign&btnG=Search&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=) on the Internet as well) I’m somewhere between an 8 and an 11- it depends on whether I have to count the “lesbian pagan sports fan until graduation” phase I went through in college. The nice thing is that rape and murder seem to be on the house now. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/2 "2011-02-08T20:58:21Z")
Well, shit. I’d better get to the gym if I want to fit into that handbasket, I guess. At least I’m not a child molester, psychic, pagan, lesbian, witch, or pot smoker. Or prostitute. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/3 "2011-02-08T20:59:00Z")
By the way, if you’re wondering what the difference is between a lesbian and a homosexual, it has to do with how they’re gestated. Lesbians grow from the top of the uterus down while homosexuals grow from the bottom up. > [@Zsofia](#): > > Well, shit. I’d better get to the gym if I want to fit into that handbasket, I guess. At least I’m not a child molester, psychic, pagan, lesbian, witch, or pot smoker. Or prostitute. Eh, you’re still young. Just view it as a kind of Bucket List. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/4 "2011-02-08T20:59:52Z")
Sports fans? Might as well start packing the marshmallows and hot dogs now. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/5 "2011-02-08T21:02:32Z")
Depends whether golf counts as a sport for the purposes of eternal damnation. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/6 "2011-02-08T21:02:43Z")
I’ve only got a 9? That can’t be right. Hmm. Seems low. I think my personal favorite is fornicators. They do know that like, 95% of people who get married have sex beforehand, right? ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/7 "2011-02-08T21:05:14Z")
I’m at least 55% wanted by hell. Can heaven claim any of these people as well, or does hell always get the higher draft pick? Because if all the people who fit into any of the 22 categories all go to hell, then heaven must be a damn lonely place. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/8 "2011-02-08T21:06:01Z")
I liked that Hypocrites is on there. Otherwise: Porn-lovers and Masturbators? I’m only going to score myself 1 point for that pair. I mean, you’re not really LOVING your porn without the masturbation. Same with athiests and evolutionists. So I’ll say maybe 5 points for me. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/9 "2011-02-08T21:08:25Z")
I suppose it’s theoretically possible to be an atheist creationist (you believe the universe was created by Leonardo da Vinci perhaps) who loves porn for its aesthetic value but doesn’t wank to it. ---
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/10 "2011-02-08T21:10:02Z")
I lead a boring life - only 4. I’m not _opposed_ to several of the other things - they just don’t float my boat. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/11 "2011-02-08T21:15:50Z")
Lucky 13! I assume if you did it once and haven’t repented doing it, it still counts. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/12 "2011-02-08T21:17:04Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > I suppose it’s theoretically possible to be an atheist creationist (you believe the universe was created by Leonardo da Vinci perhaps) who loves porn for its aesthetic value but doesn’t wank to it. OK, but then I insist this person score himself a point for hypocrite. Or maybe for liar. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/13 "2011-02-08T21:22:22Z")
I’m somewhere around 6. At least a third of these boil down to “having fun without permission”. Several of the rest basically mean “thinking for yourself”. Two are “members of competing religions”. Only 4 or 5 are actually evil in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/14 "2011-02-08T21:22:49Z")
That is a funny sign! I feel sorry for all the psychics. They must know they’re hell bound, and all for having the gift – I mean CURSE of seeing the future. God only watched the Superbowl for the commercials. ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/15 "2011-02-08T21:24:55Z")
I’m so ashamed. I only got a 5. Shit! I _knew_ I should have taken up sports-watching. I don’t even get credit for sloth/gluttony/envy. Clearly admission standards are getting tougher, and I’ve been coasting like it’s my back-up school. Good to see all that hand-shaking counts, though. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/16 "2011-02-08T21:25:51Z")
Heheh. Sports fans. Wouldn’t that doom just about every Christian in America? I’ve never met a self-proclaimed Christian who wasn’t somewhat irrationally (from my perspective) into watching and following sports. ---
**Author:** ![feppytweed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/feppytweed/32/4280_2.png) [@feppytweed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/feppytweed)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/17 "2011-02-08T21:28:46Z")
Not the record, but I scored 11! For stuff like thief, I figured if I did it once, it counted (to them, anyway). ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/18 "2011-02-08T21:30:17Z")
Missed the edit window, but I scored a 5. Not a sports fan so that helped. Whew! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/19 "2011-02-08T21:31:29Z")
> [@feppytweed](#): > > Not the record, but I scored 11! > > For stuff like thief, I figured if I did it once, it counted (to them, anyway). Hell, if that’s the standard we might have a lot more homosexuals. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690/20 "2011-02-08T21:35:22Z")
Well, I only got a 4. But, since I still consider myself a Christian, I guess I can add hypocrite! So I’m a 5! ETA: With 28 responses so far, we’ve got a nice bell curve going. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-poll-how-much-does-hell-want-you/570690.md?page=2)