# A possible way to keep cats from falling. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [May 11, 2001, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144 "2001-05-11T23:42:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/21 "2001-09-27T23:40:37Z")
One of the cats that tolerates my mom’s presence in the house only has two functional limbs. She still lands on those two feet. ---
**Author:** ![yastobaal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/258eb7/32.png) [@yastobaal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yastobaal)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2001, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/22 "2001-09-28T12:25:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Achernar \* > \*\*Well what if the cat lands on its feet, but the toast tunnels through the cat, and undergoes a parity reversal? Then it’d still land butter-side down. > > Another question. It’s commonly believed that a cat _with nothing on its back_ lands feet first. Where do people get off extending this to cats with cargo? And would it apply to a cat with, say, a refrigerator on its back? \*\* And if the cat lands on it’s feet with a refrigerator on its back? Then you have the problem of cleaning up the cat even if it has 9 lives ---
**Author:** ![yastobaal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/258eb7/32.png) [@yastobaal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yastobaal)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2001, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/23 "2001-09-28T12:25:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Achernar \* > \*\*Well what if the cat lands on its feet, but the toast tunnels through the cat, and undergoes a parity reversal? Then it’d still land butter-side down. > > Another question. It’s commonly believed that a cat _with nothing on its back_ lands feet first. Where do people get off extending this to cats with cargo? And would it apply to a cat with, say, a refrigerator on its back? \*\* And if the cat lands on it’s feet with a refrigerator on its back? Then you have the problem of cleaning up the cat even if it has 9 lives ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2001, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/24 "2001-09-28T13:00:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jonpluc \* > \*\*ok…a variation on the cat theme. … Im very disturbed dont mind me ill be in the corner playing with centapedes 🙂 \*\* :eek: Actually, me boyo, no you won’t. Because the cats will beam in first and EAT the centipedes!! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CalMeacham \* > **I think you folks are making it all too complicated. Strapping two cats back to back? Heck, I’ve bathed our cats, and I think that’s too much work. To make toast float all you have to do it not butter it on either side. > A much more interesting experiment is to butter toast on both sides. I’m going to try this one at home tonight. I’m convinced the toast will spontaneously fission when dropped, allowing both buttered sides to land downwards. No radioactive byproducts should be emitted, therefore giving us clean fission!** This does not take into account the age of the toast. To float toast properly it must be cooled - haven’t you noticed that toast does not go orbital coming out of the toaster? I think this supports my earlier thesis about cats absorbing photons - cats and toast have reciprocal characteristics. But I digress… by cooling the toast, you may also be providing cold fusion - to heck with clean fission - and anyway, you know how dangerous it is to go fission with cats??? You wind up with all kinds of heavy water!!! Neutrinos up your nose! GKW factor permeating the woodwork!! Mass Steria! Friends, the idle brain is the devil’s playground! Trouble right here in river city… but I digress. ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2001, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/25 "2001-09-28T13:11:05Z")
Holy cats! I nearly missed this one! Toast is rectilinear (please, no fundament jokes) which fundamentally links it (I couldn’t stop myself :rolleyes: ) to the six hidden dimensions in which cats curl! Toast has SIX SIDES!!! This must eliminate the parity question (no experimental data supports toast tunneling) AND provide the universal constant which re-orients the cat relative to the planetary body’s gravitational field… Wow! I gotta get a six-slice toaster! [sub]BUT PERHAPS I’VE SAID TOO MUCH…[/sub] Wait a minute, rye bread is ellipsoidal… damn. 😕 Maybe it’s a hyperbolic sort of thing… [sub]Where’s my calculator???[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![AngelFelina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AngelFelina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelFelina)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2001, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/26 "2001-09-28T14:28:39Z")
Mmmm… when I drop something on my cat (ball, yarn, my hand, the dog), it always lands on the cat’s feet. Does this mean anything? ---
**Author:** ![AngelFelina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AngelFelina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelFelina)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2001, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/27 "2001-09-28T14:30:31Z")
Also, have you ever seen a cat jumping on another cat? They both land on each other’s feet… URGH! My head! ---
**Author:** ![dunne\_u.wurrie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@dunne\_u.wurrie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dunne_u.wurrie)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/28 "2001-10-03T00:44:24Z")
Uh, Hi. I’m only 9 years old. I was just wondering, are you people really as smart as you seem? Cuz if you are, how come you’re not out curing cancer or something? I was just wondering. ---
**Author:** ![mmtutti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@mmtutti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mmtutti)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/29 "2001-10-03T16:26:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yastobaal \* > \*\*And if the cat lands on it’s feet with a refrigerator on its back? Then you have the problem of cleaning up the cat even if it has 9 lives \*\* If the refridgerator only exists in three spatial dimensions, will all of the cat’s lives be snuffed, or just three of them? Will the cat escape the whole thing via the other dimensions? Has this ever been put to test (yet)? ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/30 "2001-10-03T18:17:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mmtutti \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by yastobaal \* > > \*\*And if the cat lands on it’s feet with a refrigerator on its back? Then you have the problem of cleaning up the cat even if it has 9 lives \*\* > > If the refridgerator only exists in three spatial dimensions, will all of the cat’s lives be snuffed, or just three of them? Will the cat escape the whole thing via the other dimensions? Has this ever been put to test (yet)? \*\* Well, well, _well_ The space-time curvature question can best be addressed by substituting a modern Coke or Pepsi machine with the curved front. You MUST tape the cat to the front surface however. On the other hand, I think that by getting a loaf of bread the _size_ of a refrigerator and selecting a slice from the center (make all measurements metrically, the math is much easier) will eliminate all questions. Questions of relative mass are mere celestial mechanics; you people all got PC’s dontcha? DO THE MATH. [sub]I went to my celestial mechanic and now my wallet has a black hole![/sub] :wally: Hey - _Why isn’t Opalcat in this thread??_ ---
**Author:** ![Grimace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@Grimace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grimace)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/31 "2001-10-04T18:50:13Z")
Hmmmm. There was a thread on the telepotation abilities of felines by **matt\_mcl** [here.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=77533) I wonder if any of the theories there may assist in this disscussion. Apparently the feline species holds the secrets of the universe in it’s furry body! ---
**Author:** ![Solomon7t](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Solomon7t](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solomon7t)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/32 "2001-10-05T04:43:19Z")
Perhaps the Cat is the physical manifestation of god? Maybe thats how he always knows where everyone is and what their doing. Then if we were able to destroy all the cats in the world, god would have no idea what were going ever. muhahahaha ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/33 "2001-10-05T12:41:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Solomon7t \* > \*\*Perhaps the Cat is the physical manifestation of god? Maybe thats how he always knows where everyone is and what their doing. Then if we were able to destroy all the cats in the world, god would have no idea what were going ever. muhahahaha \*\* Quick, while he’s not looking, put the Roach powder into this cup of tea, and then _Oh, hi, **Sol** , howya doin??_ OF COURSE cats are the manifestation of God… how else could they command total obedience from the Crown of Creation, the Paragon Of Animals How Noble In Reason? Has anyone worked out the formulae for weight ratios of cat-to-refrigerator/soda machine/gravitational constant yet? My calculator has cheetos jammed into the keys… ---
**Author:** ![flickerwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/13edae/32.png) [@flickerwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickerwolf)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2001, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/34 "2001-10-06T07:26:46Z")
Well, what if we put a cat or a piece of toast into space, where there are multiple floors…If the the cat and/or toast land, where would it be…or if not, would they just perpetually spin in the absolute center of the room? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2001, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/35 "2001-10-07T07:11:24Z")
It’s really very simple…if you don’t LOOK at either of them, if you refrain from OBSERVING, then they will land right-side-up, both of them. It’s the act of observation that causes them to swerve… ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Burwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Steve\_Burwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Burwen)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/36 "2001-10-11T09:36:29Z")
In regard to the idea of putting a piece of buttered bread on the cat’s back, it’s also possible that the two forces will just cancel each other out and the cat will land on his side! ---
**Author:** ![mmtutti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@mmtutti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mmtutti)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/37 "2001-10-11T12:15:04Z")
If we further examine the issue of the three-dimensional refridgerator vs. the nine-dimensional feline, the thought arises that if the piece of toast also exists in merely three dimensions, does the cat’s greater amount of available dimensions cause the gravitational characteristics of the animal to counteract those of the toast? In other words, given the cat’s unique quality of existence, does it rule out all other laws of gravitational behaviour? The cat is a space-time constant! ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/38 "2001-10-11T13:02:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mmtutti \* > \*\*In other words, given the cat’s unique quality of existence, does it rule out all other laws of gravitational behaviour? The cat is a space-time constant! \*\* Too true; cats are constantly taking up my space and time… This would also explain why cats believe the world revolves around them!! [sub]WOW what if you had a BLONDE cat …with white bread toast… ???[/sub] 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Spiked](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@Spiked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiked)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/39 "2001-10-12T11:13:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by flickerwolf \* > \*\*Well, what if we put a cat or a piece of toast into space, where there are multiple floors…If the the cat and/or toast land, where would it be…or if not, would they just perpetually spin in the absolute center of the room? \*\* This one’s already been tried. Back in the days of the early space program some one wondered how cats orient themselves - gravity or visual cues. So they sent a cat up in the cockpit of a jet fighter sitting on the pilot’s lap, the pilot does a parabola, zero gravity in the plane, camera films result, scientists are happy, yes? Unfortunately the film didn’t really show how cats orient themselves. What it showed was a pilot frantically trying to detatch a cat from his arm, & the cat frantically resisting. Eventually, the cat was torn off & placed in mid air, only to float (feet first of course) back to the pilot & then there was no shaking it off. So it seems that in zero-gravity, cats will automatically land on the nearest human. ---
**Author:** ![hibernicus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hibernicus/32/2802_2.png) [@hibernicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hibernicus)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144/40 "2001-10-12T14:42:10Z")
**Spiked** , that was the funniest first post I’ve ever seen. Welcome to the SDMB. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-possible-way-to-keep-cats-from-falling/65144.md?page=3)