# A Pre-Emptive Pitting of the Burger King Movie **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 9, 2007, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201 "2007-03-09T02:04:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/1 "2007-03-09T02:04:23Z")
[I shit you not.](http://adweek.blogs.com/adfreak/2007/03/burger_king_mov.html) > [@](#): > > Tucked away in the soft bits of the story is Burger King’s Russ Klein, who says we can expect a Burger King feature film shortly. The film already has a studio and a distributor, Klein says. And while he “won’t reveal the studio’s identity or the likely plot … he says the movie could appear as early as the end of this year, with the film aimed at ‘creating a back story for the King.’ ” Just when you think Follywood _can’t_ find a new low, they go out and dig up one more horrifying than you can imagine. Who the _fuck_ is this piece of shit supposed to appeal to? I know of _no one_ who likes those el creepo Burger King commercials, I can’t imagine shelling out $10 to see 87 minutes (they surely wouldn’t do some kind of three hour LOTR epic, god help us all if they did) of that plastic faced corporate mascot. Shit, I wouldn’t go see that thing if they _paid_ me. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/2 "2007-03-09T02:10:38Z")
I have an idea. Instead of making the movie, they should just give all the money to me. Hell, I’ll make a movie with it. I’m thinking an adaptation of Bentley Little’s _The Store,_ with Bill Paxton as Bill Davis and Gary Cole as Mr. Lamb. ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/3 "2007-03-09T03:11:26Z")
I bet it’s a horror movie. That [King](http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y27/neptune_beach/ebay281.jpg) freaks me out. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/4 "2007-03-09T03:15:03Z")
[QUOTE=bigbabysweets2000] I bet it’s a horror movie. That [King](http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y27/neptune_beach/ebay281.jpg) freaks me out. [/QUOTE] He freaks everybody out. The character was brought back for the ironic value, and now the stupidity of this just causes ironies on top of ironies. It gives me a headache. I have to lie down now. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/5 "2007-03-09T03:25:19Z")
I’m currently in pre-production of my epic trilogy entitled “The Grimace Story”. In the first “episode”, opens with Grimace sitting in an alley outside a McDonalds, licking melted milkshake off the ground and lying in a pool of purple urine. A beautiful, but hard worn hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold (played by Natalie Portman) finds him and takes him back to her place. After many travails, she helps him get clean and sober. Grimace then takes back his job as Ronald’s idiot friend. Unfortunately, his new life goes to his head, and he turns his back on Natalie, who commits suicide by choking herself on a mouthful of purple gumdrops. The second “episode” is more of a prequel, and deals with Grimace’s troubled childhood. Once the valedictorian of his boarding school, he went on spring break to spend the week with his uncle, Uncle O’Grimacey. His uncle abused him by getting him drunk on spiked Shamrock Shakes and molesting him. His grades fell, he contemplated suicide leading to him cutting off two of his arms, and developed his lifelong addition to milkshakes. The movie ends with him killing his uncle with a blender and drilling a hole in his head, leading to his mental defiency seen in his later life. The third episode has Grimace leading his life, such as it is, to the best of his abilities. Although he hears Ronald, the Fryburglar, and Mayor McCheese mocking him, it does not register. However, thanks to a blow to the head from a McNugget buddy, he slips into a coma. When he awakens, he is back to full mental abilities and goes on to live a long fruitful life, which cumulates in his buying out the McDonalds franchise and closing them down. In the last scene, he leaves his office and walks Christlike over a lake of milkshake. FIN ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/6 "2007-03-09T03:30:24Z")
If they got together with McDonalds and did a clear spoof of “Freddy Vs. Jason”, I think I’d watch that. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/7 "2007-03-09T04:14:28Z")
I admit it. I love the King. I think this is hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/8 "2007-03-09T04:20:22Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] Just when you think Follywood _can’t_ find a new low, they go out and dig up one more horrifying than you can imagine. [/QUOTE] Meh. I think [this](http://imdb.com/title/tt0804452) is worse. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/9 "2007-03-09T04:26:32Z")
I’m not a fan of pre-emptive pittings. What if the movie is actually really good? Then again, I like the BK commercials, so YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/10 "2007-03-09T04:29:40Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Meh. I think [this](http://imdb.com/title/tt0804452) is worse. [/QUOTE] Bzzt! That, at least, will be focusing on some hot young things dressed in tightly revealing clothing. Burger King: The Movie will be focusing on some giant, plastic headed, uh, thing. Girls seeing Bratz will be inspired to grow up and be strippers. 🆒 Girls seeing BK:TM will, uh, suddenly find large plastic things to be sexually appealing? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/11 "2007-03-09T04:51:12Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] Bzzt! That, at least, will be focusing on some hot young things dressed in tightly revealing clothing. Burger King: The Movie will be focusing on some giant, plastic headed, uh, thing. Girls seeing Bratz will be inspired to grow up and be strippers. 🆒 Girls seeing BK:TM will, uh, suddenly find large plastic things to be sexually appealing? 😕 [/QUOTE] Mmmm, large plastic things. ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/12 "2007-03-09T04:58:13Z")
> [@](#): > > **Hamlet** wrote: > cumulates How does one cumulate, exactly? ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/13 "2007-03-09T05:54:29Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] Shit, I wouldn’t go see that thing if they _paid_ me. [/QUOTE] That’s okay; 'cause _I_ would! I love the Double Whopper! Mmm, mmm good! 64 grams of fat and 1,000 calories, all for ME! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Amblydoper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Amblydoper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amblydoper)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/14 "2007-03-09T06:14:21Z")
**Hamlet** : Hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/15 "2007-03-09T12:27:43Z")
[QUOTE=Hamlet] I’m currently in pre-production of my epic trilogy entitled “The Grimace Story”.\ [/QUOTE] This here is friggin’ brilliant! I would actually watch that. The question is who plays Grimace? I’m thinking Belushi, or John Goodman. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/16 "2007-03-09T12:58:57Z")
Fast Food Hamburger Chains don’t make for good movies. Good lord, have they forgotten about **Mac and Me** already? > **[Mac and Me (1988) ⭐ 3.4 | Adventure, Comedy, Family](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095560/)** > > 1h 39m | PG ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/17 "2007-03-09T13:28:01Z")
Not to mention [this little baby.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0390521/) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/18 "2007-03-09T13:51:33Z")
I meant movies sponsored by real-life fast food hamburger chains. From the _Trivia_ page of my link: > [@](#): > > Coca Cola and McDonalds backed the movie, thus the numerous references to both of those products. > This film ends with a freeze frame and the superimposed title “We’ll be back!” But it proved to be such a dismal box office failure that its proposed sequel never got made. I’m willing to extend the “it’ll be bad” prediction to films inspired by and backed by other fast food chains as well, like Taco Bell and Pizza Hut. It’s possible for movies set at fast food joints, or about fast food joints (but not actually associated with them) to be bad ( **Good Burger** ), but they have to get there on their own. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/19 "2007-03-09T14:09:36Z")
A movie about a fast-food chain and its advertising characters seems to me about as good an idea as a movie about an amusement park ride. ---
**Author:** ![Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201/20 "2007-03-09T14:26:35Z")
Oi. This is the sort of thing I used to joke about, but apparently it’s becoming real. I’m going to have to stop making jokes; they seem to be coming true. Am I responsible? I’m sorry, I’m sorry; no more humor from me. If we really need movies about advertising icons, why not Mr. Clean? He’s got that Yul Brenner kind of appeal. It could be a sort of [Taras Bulba](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056556/) but about wet mopping. For fast-food-inspired movies, my favorite is [Scotland, PA](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0265713/). It’ll also appeal to _MacBeth_ fans. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-pre-emptive-pitting-of-the-burger-king-movie/395201.md?page=2)