No, of course not. I’ll keep this brief. Let me quote my father – a man of genius himself, university professor whose field is cognitive development. 
All we’re saying is: Don’t push the river.
AMEN, sister!
Kids come in all flavors and levels. And there is always something to be learned from every single one of them, and something to do with them. 3-yo cousin is absolutely going to have talents that 2-yo son will not have. To segregate kids so that they only see kids like themselves is to cut them off from a lot of life.
My friend was just here, and was telling me about her son’s little friend, a very bright little boy who could never play after school because he always had a lot of lessons and stuff. That child cannot entertain himself or solve a problem that doesn’t have a ready-made solution. It was sad to hear about.
I don’t really think it matters whether or not they start to read at a very young age. Our daughter was extremely precocious verbally, too, but we didn’t push her to read, other than by example. She didn’t really read until she started kindergarten, but by the end of that year she was waaaaaay ahead of her peers and has stayed that way.
Our son was very verbal, too, and his teachers were wringing their hands over his “slow” development of reading skills until the middle of first grade. Then he just took off. He just turned 8 and will have the last Harry Potter finished in a day or two.
All we really did was read to them every day and set an example by reading ourselves. It probably helps that we don’t have a TV at home, but not everyone would want to do that.
One other thing: I don’t know how it is in your district, but in ours entry into the Gifted and Talented Education program at the elementary level is determined solely by the Raven Progressive Matrices test–which is completely nonverbal. The “rationale” is that this is more fair to boys and to non-fluent English speakers.
Both my kids did well on that, too, which I attribute to giving them nothing but rocks and sticks to amuse themselves with.
These “friends” are more like casual acquaintances… this playgroup evolved from our kids meeting eachother on the playground one day; we all recognized some similarities and loosely began to schedule playtime for the kids and then occassionally mom coffee meets during the wk. These moms have acquired their masters, I’ve only a double major, and most of the conversation is quite boring, actually… for me, personally as discussions tend to delve into child development milestones and strategies and when they ask me how I was able to get my son to do this or that, I’m a little stumped because I don’t follow A method per se, I try to expose him to as much about life as he seems to be interested in, some of it he doesn’t absorb but you’d be surprised at how much he does. Thus, I’ve been the one to make excuses (not available) for the coffee meets; in all honesty, maybe they picked up on the cues and that’s why I’m not getting invited–no love lost there.
In their defense, I should add that they are generally very sweet and have interesting backgrounds and if they seem a little too competitive (regrding their kids), I believe they only have the best of intentions. And they do shower their kids with love and warmth (I see it all the time with hugs and affirmation).
Of course i will not exclude my child from other kids at different levels, to reiterate, if I see my son happy, I’m happy.
It’s perfect! I will certainly to follow that wisdom. Thank you 
I agree totally. While I do read to him all the time, I don’t have much time for personal reading (busy and indulge when he’s asleep for the night). But I should make some changes, I want to.
Have you guys actually looked at this Peabody thing? It costs a thousand bucks!
What a great scam that would be - sell parents an inscrutable “test kit”, have them mail in their results for “interpreting”…and send them a letter telling them what a genius they’ve got on their hands! Who’s gonna question those results?
Oh yeah, only a double major. I have a master’s too, but I also find endless conversations about child development boring. I love to read books on education and child development, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just not all that interesting to always talk about who said “kitty” and who gained 3 lbs.
I’m sure they do have good intentions; I just think this whole culture of “We must develop our children into superkids so they’ll go to Harvard” is really terrible.
Now see, that’s a sane attitude. Stick around here, kid, you’ll do fine. (Seriously, this is the best board I’ve ever found for Sane Parenting.)
No, fessie, I didn’t look at the test thingy. Holy moley! :eek:
Wait, wait, wait, now. It’s not marketed at parents, is it? It’s usually an institutional thing; schools, hospitals, developmental psychs and speech therapists who use it. I mean, not that a parent couldn’t find out about it and use it, but professional testing equipment is expected to be expensive, no? It’s like a $150 garbage can marketed for warehouse breakrooms. They’re expected to pay more for what you or I would get at Target for $25 because it’s “professional grade”. Even phone service costs more for a business than a home line.
It’s not usually marketed to parents? That’s good news! Market’s wide open! 
Spoleto, you might want to check out “Hoagie’s Gifted” (Hogey? Hoage?). Lots-o-info on “what to expect” from unusually gifted children.
Here’s my take on testing and very young children (I don’t have cites, but they’re out there).
Testing of young children is notoriously inaccurate. Highly verbal children, like your son—and mine, for that matter—may score absurdly high on many tests because of their language abilities. That skews the test results. At 4, my son’s test results were 3 standard deviations off the norm. Genius level; I was so proud. But as age-mates catch up linguistically, that lead shortens or vanishes. When tested in 2nd grade, his scores indicated he was bright, but no genius. The pool of test-takers he was compared to (which is how those tests work) had, to some extent, caught up with his language skills. We’re a verbal species and we tend to respond strongly to verbal ability. But that does NOT always translate into exceptionally high intelligence and there are cases where the opposite is true (see Albert Einstein, for example.) And some aspects of intelligence don’t lend themselves to standardized testing----problem-solving, for instance, a critical skill needed for any number of careers.
The urge to find out how bright your child is is compelling. But you won’t really find that out now and and it matters little in the end anyway. Take all of the above advice—read, play, explore, experiment—and wait until kidlet is 6, 7 or 8 to worry about whether school is “challenging” enough. As a teacher of 17 years, I can tell you that if you’re an attentive parent and provide lots of opportunities for your child to entertain and teach himself, you’ll be doing him/her right.
Hi, sorry for not being back sooner. No offense taken! I certainly didn’t mean to imply you should dumb things down. What I meant was bright children are often treated as if they are much older than they are. They have the intellectual capabilities, but not always the emotional ones. This means they can find playing with children their own age difficult. HOWEVER, they need to learn how. They need to learn to relate to their own age group. For example, it can be just as difficult to explain to a bright three year old why they have to share the markers with everyone else, not hold them all in their hands as it is to any other three year old. While they may be able to intellectualise what you are saying, their feelings are strongly telling them everyone else should go and get their own damn markers.
I think your reaction to your son ‘being’ his cousin was perfect, and those other parents you mentioned need to get a life of their own and stop trying to live through their off-spring. Seriously. What has already been posted on that subject is spot-on, I have nothing new to add there.
That was me. I have a degree in English and Theatre and I didn’t read a single set book. I have always got by doing nothing, cruising along and it suited me fine. Now I am studying for my Masters and what an experience. It is hard work and I hate it! It has taken 9 years, and will be completed in September.
I would have given up on that stupid masters long ago if it wasn’t for the fact that it looks good on my CV and the school expect it. I have talents that can’t be validated by certificates: resourcefulness, spatial awareness, creativity, being perceptive… Pieces of paper mean absolutely nothing. We have people here with qualifications coming out of their ears and they can’t teach the children a thing, not a thing. Diplomas mean nothing, but do look good on the wall, but that is a whole other thread worth of ranting. Maybe another time…
I like your suggested response, I’ll use it next time. Thank you!
Well, I think my son thought it must be part of the game, I believe my nephew was communicating in the language he knows (at this time). While I believe my son is fairly sensitive to others feelings, what if one day he asks, “why can’t you talk like me?” I’ll be embarassed, the other kid will be hurt, his parents will be upset, too.
Exactly! I’m always happy and relieved when my son, through his own initiative, finds a way to have fun with others who are at different intellectual levels; even when he’s at the lower level, i.e., when he wants to play with 10 yr old kids and he does whatever he can to get them to accept him and include him. Then there are those other times, when he doesnt want to share his toys, is possessive and lets you know, “I’m NOT sharing, today, mommy… not at all!” :o
Whew! thank you! And btw, congratulations in advance for acquiring your Master’s Degree.
ciao!
Yep, probably. And if it’s the only time in any of your lives when you’re embarrassed, hurt or upset, you’re all luckier than most!
But seriously? The kid won’t be hurt. Kids don’t attach subtext like: “…and therefore, you must be a moron, which of course is a bad thing…” That’s something we learn to do as we get older. When a kid says, “Why is that person in a wheelchair, Mom?” he really wants to know, not to hear a lecture on equal rights for the disabled. “Because his legs don’t work very well after his accident,” or, “I don’t know - why don’t you ask him politely?” is the appropriate answer, not, “Shhh! Honey, don’t say that! That man might be embarrassed if you notice he’s in a wheelchair!”
“Why can’t you talk like me?” is best answered (by you) with: “Different people can do different things. He’ll talk like us when his mouth is ready to make all our sounds.”
His parents MAY be upset, but in that case, I suggest the same answer: “Different people can do different things. He’ll talk like us when his mouth is ready to make all our sounds.” It only means something bigger if you let it.
True
This is perfect! thank you.
Thank you for this advice! Without question, all the responses (suggestions and words of wisdom) have been terrific. I’m going to make every attempt to apply what I’ve learned from all of you.