# A preemptive Thanksgiving rant **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 23, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312 "2004-11-23T17:42:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/21 "2004-11-23T18:38:40Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > The brownies will be by Pillsbury, however. If you’re not knocked out from making that stuffing, I can give you an easy from-scratch brownie recipe, which is surprisingly good considering that it came straight out of **Glamour** magazine. **Skip** says they don’t taste any different than the brownies that you make out of a box, but I disagree. Anyway, if you’re interested . . . . ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/22 "2004-11-23T18:40:17Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Okay, give me a culinary orgasm. But be gentle. 😃 > > I’ll see if Ivylad can pick up the ingredients tomorrow. Pretty much given above by **Uvula Donor** and me. What kind of bread you use is up to you, but I’ve never gone wrong with plain old Homepride Buttertop Wheat. Use one large onion, 2 stalks of celery, about half a stick of butter (I promised you an orgasm, not unclogged arteries) and 9-10 slices of bread. Increase the amounts if you have a large bird or want leftovers. If you insist on making it as a casserole instead of a stuffing, add enough broth or stock to moisten it to taste. Make 2 or more batches and you can have multiple culinary orgasms! ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/23 "2004-11-23T18:42:55Z")
Good grief, if nothing the woman does is good enough for you, host the damn meal yourself. Or stay home. But don’t accept somebody’s hospitality and then bitch about how they aren’t doing stuff up to your standards, even if you’re mostly joking. It’s rude and just plain tacky. And you people can keep all your nasty stuffing, but you’ll take the marshmallows off my sweet potato casserole when you pry them from my cold, dead mouth. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/24 "2004-11-23T18:45:41Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > cranberry relish (1 bag cranberries, 1 oz. candied ginger, and a navel orange, all macerated in a food processer and put in a sealed container overnight to let the flavors blend.) I can’t get on your side with the relish thing, but you won me over with the candied ginger. I make my own, as well as candying some orange peel. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/25 "2004-11-23T18:47:24Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > This rant is directed to many various and sundry sub-par chefs, but mainly to my girlfriend’s sister, with whom I’ll be spending the holiday. > > Stuffing should contain no meat. Period. There’s a reason it’s called bread stuffing, and that’s because it’s not made with 100 fucking percent sausage. Sausage stuffing is just greasy and gross. And like we need another meat to compete with the turkey. … > > … > > _sigh_ Sometimes being an obnoxious food snob hardly seems worth the time. Like oysters? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![The\_27th\_Evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ebca7d/32.png) [@The\_27th\_Evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_27th_Evil)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/26 "2004-11-23T18:50:03Z")
To someone who said that “the prepackaged dinners actually have flavor” when I offered her some of my family’s leftovers- Don’t tell me my grandmother’s stuffing is “weird”. Stuffing can be more than Stovetop- just open your damn mind. And don’t wonder why we bother to make our dinner from scratch. It’s good without all that artificial crap. You probably think tacos should taste like taco seasoning rather than meat. Experience the natural flavor of foods for once. Cranberries taste good in ways other than that jellied lump. At least try it- you ate the canned disgusting stuff, right? Now try the real stuff. And no, the gravy did not come from a jar. Is there a problem? And get that canned yam-marshmallow atrocity off the table. Candied yams must be made with orange juice, butter, cinnamon,and brown sugar. Not those evil little marshmallows. To the desserts I just made- stop being so good. You make me want to eat you and then I just feel guilty. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/27 "2004-11-23T18:50:18Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Another rant concerning dry turkey – please don’t look at me like I’m a charity case just because I’ll “accept” a drumstick. That’s the moistest, juiciest cut of all, and I’m more than happy to take it. I may be weird, but eating dark meat does not make me a communist, as some peoples’ astonishment would have you believe. No, no, no, it does not. I much prefer dark meat. However: I do not stuff my bird (stuffing baked separately, does have sausage, although it’s drained and not greasy), and I cook it upside down until the last hour and a half, at which point I turn it over, take the foil off, and let the skin get brown and crunchy. Baste with butter every 15 minutes. The breast meat of my turkey is always just as juicy as the leg. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/28 "2004-11-23T18:52:21Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Good grief, if nothing the woman does is good enough for you, host the damn meal yourself. Or stay home. But don’t accept somebody’s hospitality and then bitch about how they aren’t doing stuff up to your standards, even if you’re mostly joking. It’s rude and just plain tacky. I knew someone was going to come in here and piss on the Macy’s Parade. I accepted her invitation grudgingly, because her mother is dying and this may be the last Thanksgiving we have with her. I would gladly do all the cooking. Every year I beg to. And yet, as awful a cook as she is, I’m always very gracious. I suppose if I wanted to vent behind her back, I could try to find some anonymous message board somewhere to do so. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/29 "2004-11-23T18:52:39Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > On preview… > > Gobear, your cornbread stuffing sounds wonderful! Thanks, \*\*Lib[/]! **AuntieEm** , please send me the recipe. My e-mail’s in my profile. Thanks! **Tdn** , you’d like my relish if you tried it. It’s delightfully citrussy with a hint of sour from the cranberry and ginger mixed with the sweetness from the Splenda. (Oh, I left out 1/2 cup Splenda from the recipe.) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/30 "2004-11-23T19:00:32Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > **Tdn** , you’d like my relish if you tried it. Probably so. Sounds almost like mine, except I cook mine. And I use real sugar. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/31 "2004-11-23T19:04:08Z")
Splenda works as well as sugar with none of the calories. I have to confess that I prefer my relish raw, but your recipe intrigues me–how do you cook yours? ---
**Author:** ![sj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@sj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sj2)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/32 "2004-11-23T19:11:08Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > My rant about Thanksgiving is that the food is not adjustable for small families. How long do you think it will take 2 people to eat a 25 pound turkey? > > (And yes, we do have family, but they are the other side of the world, in a land where they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving). > > Maybe we’ll just have some seafood and salad for our Thanksgiving. Freeze it! We are 2 people as well and buy a big turkey just as a stuffing vessel. Let the Turkey cool and then get yourself some quart freezer bags. Take the whole other breast you won’t eat and cut it up into serving sizes, cover with your gravy…make LOTS of gravy. I know how if you need to know…and freeze. We usually have turkey dinner again for Christmas without going through the whole making the turkey and gravy business. Also, there is nothing better for your New Years hangover than some turkey and gravy over egg noodles. You can also make soup which you can freeze. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/33 "2004-11-23T19:16:52Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > You can’t really eat it, it’s more like you make love to it. Jeez, I don’t think that’s what they meant when they talked about sticking sausage in the stuffing… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/34 "2004-11-23T19:18:02Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > Splenda works as well as sugar with none of the calories. I have to confess that I prefer my relish raw, but your recipe intrigues me–how do you cook yours? Pretty much according to the package, but with a few additions. Cut about 1 tsp of fresh ginger into small cubes, as well as an equal amount of orange peel. Then make a mixture of about 1/4 cup each white sugar and water, and bring it to a low simmer. The ginger and orange peel go into the simmer for about half an hour. Add a little water from time to time to keep the syrup from burning. Remove the candy and set aside. Chop up the orange meat and set aside. Make the cranberry sauce as per the directions on the bag (1 cup each water and sugar?). Add the orange meat about halfway through, and the candy right at the end. Let it cool then refridgerate. If you want, while it’s still hot, you can put some through a sieve if you have guests that like a jelly. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/35 "2004-11-23T19:26:11Z")
I think I’ve put on two pounds just reading this thread! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/36 "2004-11-23T19:38:45Z")
I actually prefer the boxed stuffing mix to the homemade stuff, for some reason, sorry! (I don’t know WHY, I just do). But not Stovetop. That’s okay, but I like Butterball stuffing. _slinks quietly out of thread_ ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/37 "2004-11-23T19:42:30Z")
Let me see now. Here’s my list. 1. Find directions to the Milky Way and try some of **Shodan’s** stuffing. Sounds like its made right, with **meat** 2. Prepare diversion tactic to get **Liberal** distracted when I reach for the gravy boat. My MIL _never_ served gravy until I whined about it the first year I ate at her home. No gravy?! On Thanksgiving?!? 😕 3. The marshmallows are the only reason to even _look_ at the yams. The trick is getting a few spoons of the marshmallow glop without tainting it with that nasty orange stuff. 4. In laws, I know you’re a German family but, Sauerkraut on Thanksgiving? :eek: 5. Will I like to have some pumpkin pie or pecan pie? YES one of each. 6. Cranberry whatever. I’ll just have a little so I can save more room for the turkey…and gravy… and yes, I’ll have another roll…some more stuffing… ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/38 "2004-11-23T19:45:02Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > 1. In laws, I know you’re a German family but, Sauerkraut on Thanksgiving? :eek: I now must purge my brain with Saniflush. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/39 "2004-11-23T19:48:33Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Good call on the gravy. Please just tell me it’s not that crap from a jar. > > Another rant concerning dry turkey – please don’t look at me like I’m a charity case just because I’ll “accept” a drumstick. That’s the moistest, juiciest cut of all, and I’m more than happy to take it. I may be weird, but eating dark meat does not make me a communist, as some peoples’ astonishment would have you believe. I know! If I live to be 100 years old, I’ll never understand why people fight over the white meat–it’s all dry and gross and stick to the back of your throat and don’t forget flavorless–when they could have the sweet, succulent, tastey, juicy dark meat. That’s fine, let them fight over the breast. I’ll gorge myself on the thigh and drumsticks in peace. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312/40 "2004-11-23T19:49:01Z")
**BubbaDog** -No gravy? Turkey without gravy is just wrong wrong wrong! Although mashed potatos should have butter on them. Melted puddles of creamy creamy butter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-preemptive-thanksgiving-rant/276312.md?page=3)