# A prep school math teacher arrested for having inappropriate sexual contact with male students. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 12, 2017, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790 "2017-06-12T18:08:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/61 "2017-06-14T16:14:38Z")
17 year old me would have loved to be in that position, but that was never gonna happen. I doubt I would have been traumatised. Doesn’t mean that everyone would be affected the same as me. Adult me realizes why it is wrong for someone in a position of power to abuse that position. Which is why NC (and I assume many other states) makes teacher/student relationships an exception to statutory rape age limits. I don’t know if 25 year old adult me would have known it as well as I do now (though would have known on some level), but that is no excuse. She should be charged, tried if no plea deal, and if found guilty, sentenced according to normal guidelines for a person, male or female, in a similar situation. She should neither ‘have the book thrown at her to make an example’ nor given leniency for fulfilling many, many boys fantasies. But who knows what will end up really happening. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/62 "2017-06-14T16:18:58Z")
IMO there’s a middle ground between the idea that this type of relationship is completely benign and the idea that it’s indistinguishable from being forcibly raped in an alley. It would appear that in aggregate such relationships are not a good idea and there’s justification for society banning them, but that they’re not (for the most part) quite as harmful as forcible rape or as the same situation when males are the teachers and females the students. Hard to legislate for that, but I imagine this may get reflected in the sentencing. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/63 "2017-06-14T16:32:30Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I said that minors can’t make rational decisions _about sex_. Some things are more complicated than others, and minors can make rational decisions about many simple things. Sex is complicated. There are quite a number of adults who can’t make rational decisions about sex. Something magical doesn’t happen between when someone goes from 17 years, 364 days to 18 years of age. The issue here is being in a position of power over the students. Without that, sex between a 25 year old and a 16 year old is [perfectly legal in NC](http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/north-carolina-age-of-consent-lawyers.html) and [a number of other states](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_the_United_States). > [@](#): > > What Is the Age of Consent in North Carolina? > In North Carolina, the age of consent for sexual intercourse is 16 years old. However, there are some notable exceptions. > > School Teacher: An employee of a school cannot have any sexual activity with any student at that school, unless they are married. This prohibition covers adults and students, and continues to cover them as long as the younger person is a student at any school, regardless of their age. > > Four Years in Age: North Carolina also has a liberal “close-in-age” provision. This provision allows for anyone who is above 16 to have sexual relations with another individual who is no more than 4 years younger than they are. Thus, a 14 year old and a 17 year old can consent to have sexual activity without fear of prosecution. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/64 "2017-06-14T16:40:41Z")
> [@](#): > > There are quite a number of adults who can’t make rational decisions about sex. Something magical doesn’t happen between when someone goes from 17 years, 364 days to 18 years of age. This is true, but the only way the law can function is by having hard bright lines. Of course, the law is not society’s only protection: There’s also social opprobrium, which is capable of making finer distinctions. It may not be illegal for, say, a 50-year-old to sleep with a 20-year-old, but most people will regard it as creepy, which significantly reduces the incidence of such pairings in most cases. > [@](#): > > The issue here is being in a position of power over the students. Without that, sex between a 25 year old and a 16 year old is perfectly legal in NC and a number of other states. Also valid, and in situations where a student and teacher (or employee and boss, or a variety of other power pairings) are the same age, a sexual relationship is also problematic. Most of the same opposition to adult-minor pairings also applies to such power-disparity pairings. ---
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/65 "2017-06-14T17:43:19Z")
I’m wondering what type of sexual contact with a student would be appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Maurie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Maurie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maurie)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/66 "2017-06-14T18:33:09Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > IMO there’s a middle ground between the idea that this type of relationship is completely benign and the idea that it’s indistinguishable from being forcibly raped in an alley. > > It would appear that in aggregate such relationships are not a good idea and there’s justification for society banning them, but that they’re not (for the most part) quite as harmful as forcible rape or as the same situation when males are the teachers and females the students. Hard to legislate for that, but I imagine this may get reflected in the sentencing. That may be true for some, but most definitely was not for me. When I was violently assaulted in high school while out for a run, I had the full support of the police and community, never had my lack of consent questioned, was treated with sympathy and respect, was able to very clearly understand the situation and was able to heal and find peace with relative ease. I later worked many hours in peer counselling at my university campus providing support to victims of date rape and other sexual situations, including one 19 year old woman who’d been sleeping with a prof who was later terminated when their relationship was made public. I was struck by how much more _complicated_ it was compared to my own experience. Many of these women had a very hard time getting their heads around various aspect of their victimhood, including whether they or others even considered them to be victims at all. There was a lot of blame, shame, anger and confusion that never happened to me. Families were torn apart and social circles were destroyed, some women dropped out of school or felt they had to move to other cities, and I most definitely saw massive amounts of damage to their mental health and concept of their own worth and sexuality. The woman who’d been sleeping with her prof had thought she’d hit the jackpot too – a sexy, sophisticated older man who knew what he was doing in bed seemed like a dream. But the amount of shame and confusion she later felt, largely due to the power imbalance, caused an incredible amount of damage and it was at least 15 years before she was able to have a healthy relationship (we are still friends). As I said, I absolutely recognize that my own experience is not necessarily how it is for everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/67 "2017-06-14T19:35:04Z")
> [@Mince](#): > > I’m wondering what type of sexual contact with a student would be appropriate. Asking for a friend? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/68 "2017-06-14T20:01:10Z")
> [@Mince](#): > > I’m wondering what type of sexual contact with a student would be appropriate. I saw a documentary where sexual contact with a student was used to save the student’s life. Wait…documentary might be an incorrect description of the movie I saw. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/69 "2017-06-14T20:29:01Z")
When something like this happened to me when I was a young man I was traumatized. I was traumatized because we were in a Geo Metro. I’d always prided myself on being a full service partner and yet I couldn’t fit far enough down footwell to get my face past her belly button. ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/70 "2017-06-14T20:29:37Z")
I see all the guys saying how much they’d go for it if a hot teacher came on to them. I have to say I would not have done so. If a woman who looked like that had made an unmistakable play for my 17-year-old body, my entire endocrine system would have turned itself inside-out. I’d have expired from hormone poisoning before she finished her sentence. ---
**Author:** ![femmejean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/0ea827/32.png) [@femmejean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/femmejean)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/71 "2017-06-14T21:05:40Z")
Legality aside, are there mental issues with her? I don’t just mean for the ephebophelia but rather the rationality of having sex with someone who has complete leverage over you (liability wise). It’s similar to cheating on your parnter when you’re a married billionaire; the cheater has everything to lose while the other individual can blackmail the cheater into pretty much doing anything provided they don’t have connections that can make people ‘disappear’. This boys really are lucky. If they played their cards correctly they could extort money and get the woman spending a long time prison… Damn:D ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/72 "2017-06-14T21:53:15Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > You all make good points. But we need to look at all the angles. > > Teacher-student love… Is it a sin? Why? Just cos? Quit going off on a tangent. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Little\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Pig)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2017, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/73 "2017-06-14T22:44:27Z")
> [@Saltire](#): > > I see all the guys saying how much they’d go for it if a hot teacher came on to them. I have to say I would not have done so. > > If a woman who looked like that had made an unmistakable play for my 17-year-old body, my entire endocrine system would have turned itself inside-out. I’d have expired from hormone poisoning before she finished her sentence. I used to get a boner just reading the lunch menu. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/74 "2017-06-15T00:40:53Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > I used to get a boner just reading the lunch menu. From the tenor of a bunch of your posts, you probably still do. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Little\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Pig)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/75 "2017-06-15T01:10:48Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > From the tenor of a bunch of your posts, you probably still do. A parliament of owls. A network of computers. A greed of lawyers. _A bunch of posts_. That’ll work. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/76 "2017-06-15T05:28:48Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > [CHRIST!](http://nypost.com/2017/06/12/prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-sex-with-students/) All of my high skool Math teachers were old, cantankerous, stuffed shirts. How Long, O Lord, How Long? My seventh-grade math teacher was smokin’ hot. All us adolescents had boners over her. This felt like an appropriate place to mention it. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/77 "2017-06-15T05:57:26Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Then why is this case so hilarious? Why the laughter instead of outrage? Basically, for the same reason that male/male prison rape is also typically treated as a big joke instead of a horrifying crime. Namely, because in traditional patriarchal culture it’s taboo for sexually mature males to be sexually dominated or coerced against their will: it’s perceived as “weak” and “unmanly”. Making jokes about it is a psychological defense against both the fear of actual violence and the insecurity about masculinity. And according to traditional sexist gender norms, attractive sexually mature females are the prime trophies of masculinity. Getting sex with young attractive women is such a crucial feature of male success that it’s unthinkable to associate it with sexual coercion or exploitation of males. If such a thing actually happens, men feel they have to rewrite the narrative as a male sexual success story: either directly by joking about how lucky the victims are, or vicariously by joking about how lucky they’d have felt if it happened to them. _See, they are so virile and manly that a woman couldn’t have sexually coerced them! It wasn’t abuse, it was a highly desirable sex trophy! They’re the ones really in control of the situation and getting what they want!_ Both the actual sexual assault and this kind of “gaslighting” about their reactions to it can be very traumatic to young men who get sexually abused by women. So there’s actually less hilarity and more outrage in such situations than you tend to imagine. It’s just that we need the pretense that female-on-male sexual abuse is “hilarious” and “awesome” to support our conventional gender stereotypes about the importance of male sexual dominance. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/78 "2017-06-15T05:58:13Z")
> [@Saltire](#): > > I see all the guys saying how much they’d go for it if a hot teacher came on to them. I have to say I would not have done so. > > If a woman who looked like that had made an unmistakable play for my 17-year-old body, my entire endocrine system would have turned itself inside-out. I’d have expired from hormone poisoning before she finished her sentence. Whereas I would have been blithingly oblivious to the lady’s attentions right up to the point where she’d just give up and pull my pants down. And even then my first thought would probably have been that it was a bit weird for a math teacher to also be doing healthcare check-ups in the broom closet. I was that kind of kid. Hell, I’m that kind of a passing-for-adult. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/79 "2017-06-15T08:15:37Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Which is precisely why it’s rape: Because underage kids are idiots, and can’t make rational decisions (including the decision to consent) concerning sex. I’m not with you on this one. I think that consent can be false when there is a power relationship, or even a habit of obedience. I don’t think that is the same thing as underage idiocy or lack of rationality. My kid is not an idiot, and not particularly irrational, but he still often does what I tell him, even when he doesn’t want to, just because. I think that the Roman Polanski example is exactly the kind of thing statutory rape laws try to prevent. She “consented” because he told her to: And it’s entirely possible that he accepted a lack of objection as “consent”. And I’ve read a discussion about the RC education system where the ex-pupil wrote “I dropped my pants and he hit me with the cane a couple of times. Then he stuck his penis inside me. I just sort of thought this is what happens when you get into trouble: you get caned, then he sticks his penis inside you” But I would have had sex with a hot teacher because I wanted to, not because she wanted to. I’m not sure that’s what I want statutory rape laws to prevent. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2017, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790/80 "2017-06-15T08:26:46Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > IMO there’s a middle ground between the idea that this type of relationship is completely benign and the idea that it’s indistinguishable from being forcibly raped in an alley. > > It would appear that in aggregate such relationships are not a good idea and there’s justification for society banning them, but that they’re not (for the most part) quite as harmful as forcible rape or as the same situation when males are the teachers and females the students. Hard to legislate for that, but I imagine this may get reflected in the sentencing. There’s an account I read years ago by a woman who had been forcibly raped, and had also, at a different time, and with a different person, inadvertently been subject to non-consensual sex in a situation she recognised /at the time/ as being socially enviable. Her experience was that the forcible rape was just a thing that happened to her. It was unpleasant and she got over it. The other experence played games with her mind. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-prep-school-math-teacher-arrested-for-having-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-male-students/788790.md?page=5)