# A question about love.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [March 16, 2004, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717 "2004-03-16T22:48:43Z")
**Posts on this page:** 10
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2004, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717/1 "2004-03-16T22:48:43Z")
I was thinking about love today, and I came up with a question. Has anyone here had romantic feelings of love towards another person and yet had no sexual attraction toward them? Specifically, has anyone here had feelings of romantic love for the same sex (or, if gay, for the opposite sex), and had no sexual feelings for that other person? Or, hell, had romantic love for a gender you are usually attracted to, but no sexual feelings?
It dawned on me today that I could have romantic love for another man, though I am not a gay, and would not, therefore, want to have sex with another man. I don’t have another man I’m in love with, but anything’s possible.
I guess love is just a tricky thing.
Anyway, I was just curious.
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### Author:  [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717/2 "2004-03-16T22:53:06Z")
Romantic feelings go hand in hand with desired physical intimacy with me, (which is what sex is all about in my opinion) so no… I can’t say I’ve ever had romantic feelings without sexual undertones.
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### Author:  [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717/3 "2004-03-16T22:57:53Z")
Typically, it’s the same thing with me _Aesiron_, but it occured to me that I could love, truly love, someone without wanting to stick little Sidd into them.
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### Author:  [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2004, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717/4 "2004-03-16T23:04:54Z")
That sounds like you’re talking about _agape_, the Greek word for spiritual love but in the OP, you’re talking about _eros_, which is romantic or sexual love. Two entirely seperate things.
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### Author:  [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2004, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717/5 "2004-03-16T23:17:02Z")
Touche.
I’m indeed talking about _eros_, not _agape_.
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### Author:  [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)
#### Post date: [March 27, 2004, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717/6 "2004-03-27T22:35:28Z")
Come now, someone must have an opinion on this.
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### Author:  [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)
#### Post date: [March 27, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717/7 "2004-03-27T23:38:04Z")
You cannot have “eros” love without it including sexual desire. If you do then there is a screw loose somewhere. 😃
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### Author:  [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2004, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717/8 "2004-03-28T00:51:10Z")
At one point in my life, for a number of years, I had a very, very close friend, a gay male, who claimed that this was exactly the way he felt about me. We actually dated for some time during high school, and I was a little perplexed that, on the one hand, he never did more than kiss me on the cheek, but, on the other hand, he kept asking me out. After he came out, he expressed sadness, more than once, that he couldn’t love me “the way he really wanted to”. At one point, when we were both in our mid-20s, he said to me “just think. If I were straight, we’d be married and working on having kids by now!” I don’t doubt what his true feelings for me were. He really was “in love” with me. Unfortunately, I was the wrong gender!
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### Author:  [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717/9 "2004-03-28T01:09:50Z")
Well, to me, “romantic” love implies a sexual element by definition, so I don’t think I can relate to being romantically attracted to someone without finding them sexually desirable. But, yeah, I definitely think it makes sense you could feel a deep, loving bond with someone without wanting to have sex with them. That’s how I feel about my best friend, for example.
Then there’s that phenomenon that Seinfeld talked about: “the non-sexual crush”. I’ve felt that way about some people too. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2004, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-love/234717/10 "2004-03-28T02:47:07Z")
Does it count if you could happily spend an entire evening smooching with the person, but never have the desire to take it further than that? If so, then yes.
I’ve known this guy for going on 20 years, and I still kinda feel that way about him, but we’re pretty much just old friends at this point. We did date briefly in college, but although we have a great deal of mutual respect and admiration, and he gives great backrubs, we just aren’t each other’s physical type. Or emotional type. But I’ve still got a soft spot for him. We can spend hours talking, but I think we’ve both realized that the former stuff is the case.