# A question about pride. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 16, 2004, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265 "2004-04-16T00:20:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265/21 "2004-04-16T17:31:07Z")
> [@Bad News Baboon](#): > > I think that a lot of those people use their behavior, in a weird way, to get attention. Interesting. She certainly wound up getting **WAY** more attention than if she had just asked for the free trip. Generally I don’t think most people notice if there’s a bit of a delay when people are getting on - they could be asking if it’s the right bus, where to catch a transfer, etc, etc. However, when the bus is stopped for 2 or 3 minutes with the driver looking at a particular passenger that’s just had a screaming fit at a child, more people tend to look up to see what the delay is. I guess if she wanted the whole bus to notice her, and notice that she didn’t have bus fare, she went about it the right way. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265/22 "2004-04-16T17:46:50Z")
**MandaJO** was exactly right about the way people react. I’ve been working poor all of my life, and I ask for just about nothing from other people. If I can’t get it myself, I don’t get it at all. I think part of this comes from being so intimately aware of how hard it is to get money, and the value of things. I wouldn’t ask for someone to just give me something, because I know how hard it is to earn the money to get something in the first place. Co-workers have found me a little strange in the past because I would give them a quarter back if they loaned it to me. It doesn’t mean anything to them to give me a quarter, but I’ve had times in my life when I didn’t have a single quarter to give away. You also asked about children - I don’t have any kids, but if I did, I would swallow my pride for their sake a lot more than I would for my own. I understand about making choices and doing without; they don’t. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265/23 "2004-04-16T18:39:26Z")
It would never occur to me that I could ride the bus for free by asking, unless it was a route I rode regularly and the driver one that I recognized from many prior trips. I’ve been kicked off the bus when I _did_ have money but in the wrong format, and in some damn inconvenient places, too. The Bronx’s Co-op City had a bus route that went to Queens, and I got on in the early days of MetroCard only to find the bus wasn’t equipped with a MetroCard reader yet. I had, in addition to the useless card, a $5 bill and a few nickles and dimes. Explained to driver, driver said “pay or get off”. I asked passengers if anyone could change a $5. None of the current riders would. I figured I’d ask as more people got on, but driver slammed on brakes, opened door, and told me to get out. So this rider may not have asked because it didn’t occur to her that it would do any good. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265/24 "2004-04-16T19:19:34Z")
I must say that what baffles me the most in your story is that you’re living in a place where you can say “I’ll pay nect time” when parking and where bus drivers offer free rides when asked politely… Do you live in a very smalll town, or somesuch or is it a common practice in canada? ---
**Author:** ![Edwardina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Edwardina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edwardina)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265/25 "2004-04-16T19:47:47Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > It would never occur to me that I could ride the bus for free by asking, unless it was a route I rode regularly and the driver one that I recognized from many prior trips … So this rider may not have asked because it didn’t occur to her that it would do any good. That was my first thought upon the suggestion of just asking for a free ride: “You can DO that???” It would never have occurred to me, either. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265/26 "2004-04-16T19:57:38Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Do you live in a very smalll town, or somesuch or is it a common practice in canada? My city has about a million people - however, I think that Canada tends to be a bit more relaxed about these things, and this neck of the woods in particular. I don’t know what would happen if you asked in Toronto. My city tends to be pretty good about helping people out. I know if there’s ever a news story about some kid getting his bike stolen, 27 bikes, and funds to buy about 50 more will show up at the kids house or at the station that broke the story, by the next day. I don’t know if that happens everywhere either. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265/27 "2004-04-16T19:58:50Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > None of the current riders would. Actually, around these parts I’m pretty sure someone would have just paid your fare. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265/28 "2004-04-16T23:03:36Z")
Maybe think about it this way: Asking someone for money–or a monatary favor–when you are desperate for it is sort of like telling someone you love them when you aren’t sure they recipocate the feeling. It’s that same sense of jumping off a cliff, of putting yourself at the mercy of someone else, who can make oyur day or crush you completely and you don’t have any real control over which it will be. Except, usually you get to chose the time and place of confessing a deep and abiding love, and you have some reason to believe the other person is likely to be favorably desposed towards you, and if you win the gamble, oh my, what wonderful things will ocme to be! Whereas when you are asking for a favor from a stranger you are giving them similair power over you–after all, you wouldn’t be asking if it didn’t _really really_ matter–and you don’t know them, don’t know if they are a nice person or if they are the sort of ass who gets a kick out of casual cruelty, and have no real right to even hope they will have pity. Furthermore, while the consequences of being rejected are equally dire, the “payoff” if they are grant mercy is simply that you get to do something that everyone else around you sees as a minute, negligible expense, as no big deal, and they are _all going to know_ that your life sucks so much worse than theirs. It’s frustrating, and it’s no suprise that it makes people cranky. On the other hand, that doesn’t excuse poor behavoir. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265/29 "2004-04-17T02:06:03Z")
A lot can depend on the drivers too. They usually have a set of guidelines to follow that they can bend (and a lot do, such as the ‘No food or drink’ rule). I’ve seen drivers who were sticklers for the guidelines, and some who were having a bad day and just take it out on the rider. If I don’t have the fare (and I usually buy tickets/a pass for the month) I usually just don’t go anywhere. Sometimes you have to though. But the lady in the OP, well she just seems a little attention getting. There is no need to do all that, just ask. You may get a ride and if not you could try the next bus, and hope they are in a better mood. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-pride/240265.md?page=1)