# A question about relationships. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 11, 2005, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-relationships/325732 "2005-10-11T10:23:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2005, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-relationships/325732/41 "2005-10-20T02:37:13Z")
> [@Nilor](#): > > I have never gone on a date, never even said more than five words to a girl, except those who I was friends with. Of course, who would want to risk straining a friendship by asking the other person out? Almost anybody that’s ever had a girlfriend would risk straining a friendship in hopes of getting another girlfriend. On joining the SD: > [@Nilor](#): > > Unfortunatly, never…It would be too clear of a link to who I am in real life Like anybody here would give a shit who you are IRL? > [@Nilor](#): > > I did not mention it in my first post, but I have, in the past, gone to great lengths to kill off my emotions; As evidenced by your posts, you haven’t killed them off. You will never succeed in killing them off. You can make yourself be a hermit, and say you’re OK with it, but you won’t be OK with it. You’ll simply be a lonely, bitter, aching, hermit. Get over yourself and get one of your “friends” that’s a girl to go shopping with you. Talk to her while she’s picking out some rags for you to wear, and then get with the program. I haven’t been as nice as the others who posted in this thread. You may think I’m being a real jerk. It’s called tough love, and it’s all the rage these days. You’ve presented yourself here as a whining, wimpy loser. Step up and shake it off. You say you’re 21. It’s time to grow up. ---
**Author:** ![Nilor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a4c791/32.png) [@Nilor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nilor)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2005, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-relationships/325732/42 "2005-10-20T04:07:00Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > On joining the SD: > Like anybody here would give a shit who you are IRL? It’s not that I’m concerned with someone here knowing who I am. It’s that this is not the kind of thing I would present in real life. The reason I wouldn’t is exactly what you mention later on: “You’ve presented yourself here as a whining, wimpy loser.” So I hide it. Additionally, though I don’t think what I’ve posted would matter much in coming up with a psychological evaluation of me, I want to limit the information anyone can find out to exactly what I want them to find out. > [@](#): > > Get over yourself and get one of your “friends” that’s a girl to go shopping with you. Talk to her while she’s picking out some rags for you to wear, and then get with the program. I’m afraid to say that I’ve lost contact with most of the friends I had before. The one I do have I talk to…maybe…once every few weeks, and they don’t live near me. Besides that, it would be an unfair burden to impose on someone else. > [@](#): > > As evidenced by your posts, you haven’t killed them off. You will never succeed in killing them off. You can make yourself be a hermit, and say you’re OK with it, but you won’t be OK with it. You’ll simply be a lonely, bitter, aching, hermit. No, I would simply be a hermit for the majority of the time, able to keep _those_ thoughts pushed aside. When I failed to suppress those thoughts, though, I would be a lonely, bitter, aching hermit…for a little while, until I recovered. > [@](#): > > Almost anybody that’s ever had a girlfriend would risk straining a friendship in hopes of getting another girlfriend. Maybe it’s not as great of a strain as I would imagine it to be…but why risk friendship for purely selfish reasons? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2005, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-relationships/325732/43 "2005-10-20T04:37:29Z")
> [@Nilor](#): > > Maybe it’s not as great of a strain as I would imagine it to be…but why risk friendship for purely selfish reasons? You wouldn’t be doing it for purely selfish reasons. The girl will be happier with you for a boyfriend, just as you will be happier because you’ve got her for a girlfriend. A good relationship is mutually beneficial. You’ve spent almost all of your efforts in this thread deflecting suggestions that people have provided for you, creating reasons in your own mind as to why their suggestions won’t work in your terribly, terribly, unique situation. Go out the door, hit on some chicks. Give it a try. Sooner or later, someone’s feelings will get hurt. That’s all part of it. If you persist, eventually you’ll hit on a girl that’s right for you and you’ll be right for her. If you never find her, you and any number of girls will have had some fun checking each other out. “Get up and boogie”. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-about-relationships/325732.md?page=2)