# A Question for the Guys... and Girls too **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 19, 2000, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890 "2000-11-19T23:35:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2000, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/1 "2000-11-19T23:35:07Z")
Well, if any of you can recall the poor little newbie (me) that came to this board a few months ago wanting advice and comfort from a guy for dumping me you’ll understand why I’m asking the question I’m asking. If someone was going to break up with you, how would you prefer them to do it? I know I hated my boyfriend for the way he broke up with me. So now I ask, what’s the nicest way to do it? It can never be all that great, but how would you like to go about it? I’m terribly sorry if there’s already been a thread about this but I’m still really new so could you find it in your hearts to help anyway? Kitty ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2000, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/2 "2000-11-19T23:45:02Z")
Me? haha, Im way too nice, no woman would want to be seperate from me!..alas, lets see, after having been dumped probably no less than 200 times already (yeppers, I get around a lot)…I’d say the woman goes to a new city!..that’s usually the best way I would say. So, any chance of you coming to my city Fairy? ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2000, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/3 "2000-11-19T23:53:02Z")
her place or one I don’t usually go to (bad memories?), and straight up, no games. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2000, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/4 "2000-11-19T23:56:08Z")
Just kidding, Kitty. Let me put it this way: when I’ve been on the recieving end of breakups (the few times I have been, hmph), I respected the ones who came right out and said it. Be honest but tactful, don’t beat around the bush. And don’t say things you don’t mean. If you don’t want to be friends, don’t say that you do. It just causes resentment. ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/5 "2000-11-20T00:09:21Z")
Handy I’d love to go visit you and I’m sure that you’re just so damn sexy but there are a few guys that would try to hurt you if I did. Birdman, you’re gonna think I’m stupid for doing this but guess why I’m asking? Kitty ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/6 "2000-11-20T03:00:46Z")
Well even though no one seems to care I think I’m going to get back together with my white boy, the guy that dumped me two months ago. He explained himself and I do believe it could work out again, but how do we figure out our new anniversary then? Kitty ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/7 "2000-11-20T03:36:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fairy Princess Kitty \* > \*\*Well even though no one seems to care I think I’m going to get back together with my white boy, the guy that dumped me two months ago. He explained himself and I do believe it could work out again, but how do we figure out our new anniversary then? > > Kitty \*\* He dumped you, punish him. Make him remember 2 anniversaries. We HATE to remember dates… ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/8 "2000-11-20T03:45:42Z")
_giggles_ Lurkernomore you aare too cruel, though that would solve my problem rather nicely. 🙂 Kitty ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/9 "2000-11-20T03:58:50Z")
Tell him straight up to cut out the bullshit this time, and well, the next date you have will be your anniversary date. If he doesn’t go along, tell him you’ll cut off his penis in his sleep if he fucks you over. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/10 "2000-11-20T04:13:59Z")
Now, Kitty, I would never think you’re stupid. All I’ll say is that I’ve done what you’re considering doing. I’ve gone back to somebody with whom I had a nasty breakup, and I sincerely hope it goes better for you. If not, I refer you here: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=38407](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=38407) ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/11 "2000-11-20T04:23:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fairy Princess Kitty \* > \*\*Well even though no one seems to care I think I’m going to get back together with my white boy, the guy that dumped me two months ago. He explained himself and I do believe it could work out again, but how do we figure out our new anniversary then? > > Kitty \*\* Danger! Danger! Danger! It probably WON’T work out. I don’t know for sure, of course, but to paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, if the milk was sour the last time you smelled it, it probably hasn’t gone good since you put it back in the fridge. ---
**Author:** ![hypergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/49beb7/32.png) [@hypergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypergirl)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/12 "2000-11-20T04:40:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ssskuggiii \* > \*\*Tell him straight up to cut out the bullshit this time, and well, the next date you have will be your anniversary date. If he doesn’t go along, tell him you’ll cut off his penis in his sleep if he fucks you over. \*\* Damn Tasha, got a little pent up aggression? But anyway, I would want a guy to dump me face to face. I’m sick of getting dumped on the phone. I even got dumped in an email once, not even an IM, but an email. Sometimes I hate men. ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/13 "2000-11-20T04:41:20Z")
RickJay, we’re teenagers, things change. The problems we had are resolved now and we had a really great relationship before we broke up. I guess it just took a little time away from each other to learn how much we need each other. It was our first serious fight if that helps any. Kitty ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/14 "2000-11-20T06:33:41Z")
OK, I just read the OP and wanted to express my opinion before reading anyone else’s. Best way to break up? Honestly. Quickly and straight to the point. Don’t beat around the bush - it makes it harder on both of you. Be honest and direct - you CAN do it without being nasty. The quick cut is much better than a drawn out one. It may hurt a bit more initially but it goes away much quicker. Be blunt too: don’t say the ‘we can still be friends’ line unless a) you really, really mean and want it, AND; you think he could handle it without still wanting more. Please note this was not an AND/OR proposition. Remove all ambiguity and set the record straight. lay down the rules. Set the record straight. It sounds harsh I know and it’s not the easiest way but it’s the best. He’ll thank you for it eventually. ---
**Author:** ![Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazing_Tiki_God)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/15 "2000-11-20T10:56:59Z")
I don’t think there are really too many ways to be nice about breaking up with someone. Obviously you could be kind about it and tell them the problems the relationship had so maybe they won’t make the mistakes again. Or just give the whole “it’s not you it’s me” speech. Although if you are feeling a bit mean (I’ve done this kinda thing when I had to) You call them up ask to meet with them and tell them that your Aunt/Uncle in some far away state is sick and tell them you are leaving for a long time to see them. Then you make it a point to see that person in the next day or so and when they ask whats up you tell them you forgot that you didnt have an uncle there after all it was just all the imagenary voices in your head wanting to get you away from that psycho (that spends all your money, consumes your time, puts you down, makes you feel like trash, steps all over your heart, bruises your ego, cheats, and does virtually every nasty little thing in the book). Okay I’m not really bitter though. And a little side note this is my first post on the SDMB! ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/16 "2000-11-20T11:37:57Z")
Direct and to the point. Simply say ‘This isn’t working out and I really don’t want to continue this relationship’. Do not sugar-coat it or offer bland platitudes. That will not help. Anyone asking for reasons or details at tht point is asking for trouble. I was going to advise you against getting back together with your former BF, but then you mentioned that you were both teenagers. The general rules are different for teens. ---
**Author:** ![JuanDeCuba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a87d85/32.png) [@JuanDeCuba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuanDeCuba)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/17 "2000-11-20T13:49:32Z")
The best way is to do it in spanish 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/18 "2000-11-20T14:37:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ssskuggiii \* > \*\*Tell him straight up to cut out the bullshit this time, and well, the next date you have will be your anniversary date. If he doesn’t go along, tell him you’ll cut off his penis in his sleep if he fucks you over. \*\* …and Kitty called ME cruel??? sometimes you scare me, Ssskuggiii… ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/19 "2000-11-20T16:55:16Z")
Fairy Princess Kitty, forgot how old you are but you must be around 20 cause that’s usually when they start wondering about this sort of thing, eh? Number 2 way on my list is the woman indicates she wants to split but gives me wild sex first because she wants it to be easier for me. ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2000, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890/20 "2000-11-21T01:45:20Z")
handy, I think Fairy Princess Kitty is 15-16, but I could be wrong. There is no _nice_ way to break up. But these people are right: don’t EVER break up over the phone, in a note, through the internet, or have a friend do it for you. That’s the immature, cowardly way to go. Be up front and blunt, but don’t yell in his face. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-guys-and-girls-too/41890.md?page=2)