# A question for the ladies using hormonal birth control . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 16, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954 "2003-09-16T15:43:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/21 "2003-09-16T20:32:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\ ***ruadh** makes a good point, but for me it’s more a matter of men being unaccustomed to the responsibility of birth control. I know plenty who have a vested interest in remaining childless, but have not had the same drilling about birth control that some girls get beginning in their teen years. > > Does that make sense?\*\* Yeah, but I’m talking about men whose “vested interest in remaining childless” wouldn’t be strong enough to get them to wear a condom without my insisting on it. I’ve been with enough men like that that I just don’t really trust them to take a pill every day, or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/22 "2003-09-16T20:50:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ruadh \* > \*\*Yeah, but I’m talking about men whose “vested interest in remaining childless” wouldn’t be strong enough to get them to wear a condom without my insisting on it. I’ve been with enough men like that that I just don’t really trust them to take a pill every day, or whatever. \*\* I hear you. I dated a guy once (a long, long time ago) who was very matter-of-fact about how he’d rather have a pregnancy to “deal with” (by which he meant that he’d rather pay for an abortion–oops, excuse me, I mean \*pay for half of an abortion) later than to wear a condom NOW. And, as it turned out, he had “dealt with” quite a few pregnancies. So you’re right–he certainly did have an interest in remaining childless, but if not for the women who wished to remain childless as well, his ass could be Daddy. Nonetheless, I bet he’d be willing to take a pill, if it wouldn’t affect his physical pleasure. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/23 "2003-09-16T21:23:10Z")
My uterus, my responsibility. That’s the policy I’ve had ever since I started having sex. I set the conditions for having sex, including the BC arrangements. I accept the consequences of what happens afterward. That meant that I was on the Pill and my partner used a condom or no intercourse. The end. Being in a committed relationship changes the dynamics of things quite a bit, but I still feel that, as the owner of the womb, I have the ultimate responsibility to prevent pregnancy. If I let him take over birth control for the both of us, I would feel like I had shirked that responsibility. I think I could trust him to take the pill reliably, but no method of birth control is 100% effective. I have to ask myself, if I got pregnant while relying on him to take the pill, how would I feel? I’d feel angry with him anyway. I’d suspect that it was his fault, whether or not that was fair, and then I’d hate myself for being unfair. Even if I was 100% absolutely certain that he’d taken his pill without fail, I’d be angry with myself, because I’d feel that I had passed my responsibilities on to him instead of fulfilling them myself. If I get pregnant while I’m taking the pill, I know I’ve seen to my responsibliities, or failed in them, if the reason I get pregnant is because I forgot a pill and had sex anyway. But the buck would stop with me, and that’s the only way I’m comfortable having it. Now, if he volunteered to take the male pill _in addition_ to my continuing my pill, so we could throw away the condoms (I’m still a belt-and-suspenders girl), that would be sweet. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/24 "2003-09-16T21:42:10Z")
I think that if the two methods were equally reliable, and if the balance of the effects came out in his favour (which it would never - I LOVE my depo. No periods!\*) I would be okay with it. I’ve pretty much only ever used Depo, so I’m not used to my BC being a constant part of my thinking. It’s a do it and forget about it thing. It hink that if I had been used to thinking about it with condoms or the pill every day I’d have that feeling you get when you walk around without a bag - something’s missing. But no, I wouldn’t have a problem handing the control over. I don’t think. \*As to the spotting: For the first while I was spotting very lightly for a long time. As time went on, for maybe the rest of the first year, I’d get sort of a period-equivalent of spotting (meaning about a week long, a touch of cramps maybe) about two weeks before I was due for my next shot (so once every 3 months). It’s now been about 2 1/2 years and I don’t even really get that anymore. Also, I much prefer the pain of getting it in my arm than the thought of getting it in my backside! ---
**Author:** ![Papaveraceae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e8c25b/32.png) [@Papaveraceae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Papaveraceae)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/25 "2003-09-16T21:54:55Z")
I wouldn’t give up my pills, even if my love was on pills too. There is high potential for much grief and despair if I got pregnant. My faulty uterus, my problem. My love would take them, because he believes that birth control is a shared responsibility. god I love that guy. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/26 "2003-09-16T22:17:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Good questions, **GMRyujin**. > > For the purposes of this question, let’s assume that the He-Pill has roughly the same _level_ of side effects as the She-Pill. > > I mean, for obvious reasons, the side effects couldn’t be _exactly_ the same (for example, you wouldn’t get breast tenderness or irregular bleeding), but they would be along the same lines as they are for women in terms of seriousness (i.e., you might gain weight or experience nausea, and if you smoke and are over the age of 35, there are added dangers for you, etc.).\*\* I’d be willing to try it (assuming my drug coverage paid for it, of course) and see how I reacted, in that case. My stomach is kind of touchy, so nausea’d probably be pretty bad, but I’d have to see. But I’d definitely insist she stay on the Patch, if only for the side benefits. She used to be terrible around that time of the month. In pain, barely able to get out of bed, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/27 "2003-09-16T22:56:51Z")
**em** , in all seriousness my first impulse as a clinician is: it won’t work. Effective birth control for women was the greatest boon to our sex ever devised. It frees us in so many ways that I cannot see us reverting that control (and you’re right, it IS a control issue) back to a man. No matter how much trust is involved. Not to say there won’t be a market for it. I’m sure there will be. But I’d call it minimal, as I believe most men would see it as one more responsibility they probably aren’t willing to take on. That said: they cannot be trained to put socks in the damn hamper. You want them to remember to take a little pill every day!!! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/28 "2003-09-16T23:39:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maureen \* > \*\*That said: they cannot be trained to put socks in the damn hamper. You want them to remember to take a little pill every day!!! 😛 \*\* Bingo. If there was a pill to take I’d be awfully worried I’d skipped a day or two without realizing it. I’d rather go the Depo-like route if it was available. As it is, I don’t have to worry about either. My g/f at the time had a Dalkon shield and when they were recalled we had a long discussion about what to do about it. None of the other methods appealed to us, and neither of us was keen on having children so she was talking about tubal ligation. Instead, I had a vasectomy; the procedure was a lot less risky for me than it would have been for her. We were together about a year after that befor we went our separate ways, but I have never regretted the decision. DD ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/29 "2003-09-17T00:16:42Z")
That’s a really, really hard question (I’m a chick). I’m sure that, if I asked and I really wanted it, my fiance’d take it. The hard part is whether I would ask. On the one hand, I like having control over my own body. And, as a unit, we believe in as much protection as possible, which is a Good Thing. There’s every possibility that he’d WANT to take it regardless of my desire, simply because that’s another barrier to us having a major “oops!” On the other hand, I have some minor-yet-annoying side effects from the pills. I’m convinced that they’ve revved up my appetite a notch (nbd), and they’ve made me develop an allergy to the cold (the doctor thinks) that requires that I take Zyrtec daily, lest I be miserable or even pass out. I’d love to be rid of the pill in that case. So it’s really up for grabs, but I’m pretty sure he’d do it if I’d ask. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/30 "2003-09-17T03:06:17Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by LaurAnge \* > \*\*I think that if the two methods were equally reliable, and if the balance of the effects came out in his favour (which it would never - I LOVE my depo. No periods!_) I would be okay with it \*\* Depo-Prevara was a god-send for me. For years, I’ve suffered from endometriosis, which, for those not in the know, is a disease which causes rolling-on-the-floor-screaming-and-crying cramps. Since I’ve been on Depo, I’ve been pain-free. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/31 "2003-09-17T05:28:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by racinchikki \* > \*\*If Gunslinger was up for it, I’d ask him to take it, _while continuing to take my own BC pills_. It’s not that I don’t trust him - it’s that I am in favor of anything at all that will keep me from getting pregnant while allowing me to continue enjoying bedsport. If we’re both taking something, that’s going to almost completely eliminate the possibility of accidents. It’s also very unlikely that we’d both forget on the same day, so it eliminates human error as well. I’d be all for it. \*\* You took the words right out of my mouth. While the SO would, according to his own words, be perfectly happy popping a pill every day if it meant worry-free nookie, birth control pills have done wonders for my skin, my period regularity and amount of flow, so no way I’d give up on those sweet, sweet little honeys. On the other hand, the safer the better. The less chance there is of little **auRas** running around terrorizing the innocent, the happier the masses will be. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/32 "2003-09-17T09:40:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*So not to hijack my own thread, here, but for those of you who are period-free on Depo . . . how long did it take to stop getting your period? I got my first shot on July 22 . . . > > . . . and I’ve been spotting ever since. > \*\* Biazarre. I went onto Depo on 5th September. Before that, I was on a mini-pill and bleeding all the time, and had been for about two months. Got the shot, and within a week I stopped bleeding. Yay! ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/33 "2003-09-17T12:20:53Z")
I’m a control freak about birth control, too. IRL, I don’t know anyone more informed or more anal about birth control 🙂 Here’s how it would be. I would continue taking the pill, and DH would also take it, adding another layer of protection. If your question is ‘would I relinquish taking birth control entirely’, the answer is NO WAY. I would be ecstatic to have another method in our arsenal, another reliable backup. I would not be happy having sex and relying on the other person, simply because I feel that I want to avoid consequences, so I should protect myself. I would trust him completely to take it, but would rather add protection if possible. I know lots of single guys who would love to be able to have another birth control option under their control. I heard lots of men bemoan the lack of options they have. I think there’s a market for this, as half of all pregnancies are unintended (from memory, no cite). Maybe this number would be slashed if reliable birth control doubling-up was standard. Wouldn’t it be great if it was standard for both partners to be using birth control, not just relying on one method? ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/34 "2003-09-17T12:28:34Z")
You can take my Dianette when you pry it from my cold, dead hand. That stuff makes my life bearable, and it’s just a nice extra that it stops babies appearing. If there was a safe, effective male pill with tolerable side effects, I’d be all for irishfella taking it, but as an extra backup. Neither of us like condoms enough to use them, and I love my BCP too much to stop taking it. ---
**Author:** ![ShadiRoxan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@ShadiRoxan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadiRoxan)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/35 "2003-09-17T13:36:08Z")
I’d be all for it provided that it isn’t a daily pill. It would have to be a shot and I would have to be right there watching the doctor administer it. It would be nice to take a break from the birth control and let him deal with the side effects for a change. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/36 "2003-09-17T15:49:43Z")
I would consider it if it was really equal to the women’s pill. Currently the pill isn’t covered by insurance for me, so if his was, that might be enough to make the switch. (That will be something I will be very interested to see, if insurance companies will cover this pill when many don’t cover the pill for women. Maybe this will bring about coverage for all?) I don’t experience big physical changes on or off the pill, though. There are benefits to both for me. It would definitely be something to consider for us. I have to say though, I am more interested in the new version of the women’s pill that is supposed to be approved soon - the one that lets you skip your period except for a few times a year? That’s one form of birth control I would be excited about taking! I know it’s possible to just take active pills now, but hopefully this way it will be easier to purchase as a pack and keep track of what day you’re on, as well as get Dr. approval to take them this way. If I get to switch to this version it would be much harder to convince me to switch to a male version. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954/37 "2003-09-17T22:29:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*So not to hijack my own thread, here, but for those of you who are period-free on Depo . . . how long did it take to stop getting your period? I got my first shot on July 22 . . . > > . . . and I’ve been spotting ever since. > > I know that’s normal, but I was just wondering when I can look forward to saving the money I USED to spend on tampons up in a jar and taking a vacation with it at the end of the year! \*\* I had my last period five days prior to my first Depo injection, and haven’t had a period or any sort of spotting since. That was June of '01. 🙂 And in answer to the OP, I wouldn’t stop the Depo, partially because its spectacular level of efficacy is higher than the pill, and partially because I _really_ don’t miss cramping, bloating, and bleeding from the nether regions. I would trust him to take a pill, but unless it was as effective as Depo and had the extra side effect of keeping my periods at bay (;)), I don’t think we’d ever really consider it. I think it would be helpful though for when we do decide to have kids, and I stop taking the shot. There’s that ten-to-eighteen-month lap time between full effectiveness and full fertility. I might throw the responsibility over to him while my body adjusts back to normal cycles, as I’m not terribly thrilled about the idea of going on the pill (side effects, plus my _complete_ inability to remember things like taking a pill every single day), and I don’t think natural family planning would work so well when my body is all out of whack. I hate condoms, and don’t even want to think about cervical caps and all the rest. I guess that’s a little different though, as we’d be at least _thinking_ about getting pregnant and thus it wouldn’t be devastating if a slip-up occurred. Come to think about it, no, generally speaking, I probably wouldn’t give up the responsibility of birth control to him entirely, as I just can’t think of the “cost” of a birth control failure being as high for him as it is for me. _I’m_ the one who would have to (physically) deal with the pregnancy, I’m the one who would have to make the ultimate decision regarding abortion or seeing the pregnancy to term, and (cynicism alert) he’s still free to scamper off and leave me with a pregnancy or infant if he so chose. Not that I in **any** way think Mr. Armadillo would do so, I’m just pointing out that since pregnancy has far more repercussions for females than for males, I would prefer to be the one responsible for protecting myself against it. I remember to get my shot on time because I _really_ don’t want to be pregnant. He would probably remember to take a pill or get a shot on time, because he doesn’t want kids either quite yet, but still, I just can’t quite see the urgency of the matter being quite so strong for him than for me. Peace, ~mixie [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-ladies-using-hormonal-birth-control/201954.md?page=1)