# A Question For The Male Dopers... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 14, 2001, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454 "2001-07-14T04:58:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2001, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/41 "2001-07-15T14:46:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*Blackclaw, > All my friends, male and female,usually get a birthday lap dance Especially if we’ve been drinking all night and the dj plays someting like RumpShaker or Shook Me All Night Long. \*\* You do realize now that there will be a chorus of voices asking you to be their friend? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Morrison\_s\_Lament](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Morrison\_s\_Lament](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrison_s_Lament)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2001, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/42 "2001-07-15T16:51:13Z")
I’ve been attracted to practically every female friend I’ve ever had 😃 Of course, I have hella cute friends 😉 — G. Raven ---
**Author:** ![frock75](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@frock75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/frock75)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2001, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/43 "2001-07-15T16:57:28Z")
I’ve slept with most of my female friends. Most are no longer my friends. Hmmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Odysseus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/cdc98d/32.png) [@Odysseus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odysseus)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2001, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/44 "2001-07-15T20:20:11Z")
Hmmm, Mrs Odysseus and I have regularly slept with our female friends. Of course we do sound them out about it first, and ensure that they are recepetive to the idea. Most are aware of ourlifestyle and have few problems with it, and some have said they are more comfortable as they know us well beforehand. Those that are not keen are not repulsed and frightened by our _very_ gentle advances, and are often giving something of an ego boost by our attention. We haven’t lost a friend yet, and have indeed become closer to many, although I must wonder whether this is because we are a couple and that is less threatening in an emotional sense. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/45 "2001-07-15T23:19:58Z")
Sure, mention lapdances and everyone wants to be your friend. Can y’all want me for my mind? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2001, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/46 "2001-07-15T23:38:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*Sure, mention lapdances and everyone wants to be your friend. > Can y’all want me for my mind? 😉 \*\* Sure! Those two beautiful grey hemispheres of logic and creativity sitting there all nestled inside your skull makes it difficult to contain myself. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nicklz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8baadc/32.png) [@Nicklz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicklz)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2001, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/47 "2001-07-16T00:28:54Z")
Hum… Well probably 90% of my female friends are attractive so there for yes 90% I’d fantizes about getting in bed with, and sometimes them and another female friend of ours too. Anyway of that 90% I’d say I’ve slept with 50% of them, either “FWB-friends with benefits” or an actual relationship. I completely agree eith Erislover, because i have to get to know her and appreciate her for something other than her body or she’ll just get old after a couple weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2001, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/48 "2001-07-16T05:29:54Z")
I have a lot of female friends. At one time or another, I was attracted to most of them. But because of our friendships and the fact that most of them are in long standing relationships with men whom I also consider friends, I would never dream of crossing that line. There is one exception. J.C. is my closest friend, someone I connect with more deeply than any girlfriend I have ever had. I was attracted to her from the moment I laid eyes on her. For a while there was definite sexual tension between us. But we were both recovering from breakups and we did not get involved, as we were both worried about being on the rebound. My feelings for her remained, and do to this day. She has a boyfriend now. They’ve been together for three years, and he has become a good friend of mine. Nevertheless I still have deep feelings for her and would not have to think twice if she ever were to say she wanted to have sex with me. I’m not proud of it, but I don’t believe I’d consider the consequences beforehand. I think our friendship would withstand it, for one thing, but I also think it would lead to another kind of relationship. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2001, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/49 "2001-07-16T09:21:10Z")
How about the flipside? Anyone you have (or have had) sex with that you’d rather just be friends with? I can think of three examples in my own case: 1. My ex-wife, who I am now just friends with. 🙂 2. A gal I met via cybersex, who I am now just friends with. 🙂 3. An ex-girlfriend who I’d love to be friends with, but she has an all-or-nothing attitude and rejects me completely. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2001, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/50 "2001-07-16T12:33:18Z")
When it comes to this subject you could wade through most mens deepest thoughts and not get your ankles wet. Yep, I’ve thought about sleeping with all my female friends (even slept with a couple). ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2001, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/51 "2001-07-16T15:39:29Z")
Pretty much, yeah. I’ve always referred to a man’s definition of platonic friends is a relationship where she said _no_. ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2001, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/52 "2001-07-16T15:58:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elfkin477 \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Menocchio \* > > \*\* > > > > But women I actively lust after (as opposed to subconcious fantasies and hypothetical situations) and with whom I maintain a platonic friendship? > > \*\* > > If they were subconscious fantasies, how would you know you had them? \*\* I may have mispoke. I meant, dreams and unsolicited daydreams, that sort of thing, as opposed to plotting how to get a girl in bed. So yes, I do think about it, but tend not to act on it and it doesn’t impact my relationships that much. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2001, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/53 "2001-07-16T16:16:59Z")
Hmmm… **Pondering how hardygrrl would look with her hair spread out on a pillow…** 😃 [sup]No offense![/sup] Seriously: I’ve wanted to jump the bones of about 70-80% of the women I have known… I am sexually attracted to most women… but not attracted to some for various reasons (both personality and physically)… If a female friend who I _was_ attracted to ripped off her shirt, rubbed her breasts against me, and begged me to take her? I think, and hope, that I’d turn her down in a nice way… I’m taken, and I would rather kill myself than hurt **Astrogirl**! (though I might think about said friend later, when alone… if you know what I mean!😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2001, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/54 "2001-07-16T16:59:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Superdude \* > \*\*Pretty much, yeah. I’ve always referred to a man’s definition of platonic friends is a relationship where she said _no_. \*\* Bwaahaaahaaahaaa! Is this true? :eek: No wonder I’ve got so many men friends…[sub]hmmmm, did I just insult myself?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2001, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/55 "2001-07-16T18:03:10Z")
Well, as a wise man once told me, “Just because I’m on a diet doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” He got divorced a while after that… Reminds me of the Buffy episode where Xander had the local witch cast a love spell so one of the girls would fall in love with him. The active part of the spell was phrased something like, “let my true heart’s desire be mine.” When my wife saw that, she said, “well, most 17-year-old boys I’ve met, their ‘true heart’s desire’ is ‘every girl I’ve ever met.’” Which is, of course, how it worked in the spell. So yes, I have been and continue to be attracted to most of the women I know, single, gay or otherwise, to various degrees. And no, I doubt I’ll ever act on it, on account of I don’t need my knees broken or my friends murdered. ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2001, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/56 "2001-07-16T18:30:04Z")
Well, nothing new to add here… But, yeah, I think about it all the time. In fact, I had totally fallen for one of them after we became closer. She was all I could think about day in and day out. I came soooooo close to telling her, but, it just didn’t seem right. Before that though (different friend), I actually went throught with it and told her. That one turned out positive. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rlo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@rlo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rlo)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2001, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/57 "2001-09-12T02:37:14Z")
way to complicated!!! believe me ive done it for years unless a agreement is reached that it is only sex…anything else will be a bonus …as far as a commitment ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2001, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/58 "2001-09-12T08:54:25Z")
I’d be a liar if I said I never even THOUGHT about it with my female friends. But for the most part, it never went beyond the quick check-her-out-go-hmmmm, nah phase. Sometimes, it’s simply better to stay friends. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2001, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/59 "2001-09-12T09:06:20Z")
Well, I won’t say anything except this: my female friends are freakin’ _ **HOT!!!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2001, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454/60 "2001-09-12T09:21:13Z")
Yeah, pretty much all of them. This may be part of the reason why I hardly see my female friends since getting married. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-question-for-the-male-dopers/72454.md?page=4)