# A quickly needed Monty Python GQ **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 24, 2004, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823 "2004-04-24T18:22:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/1 "2004-04-24T18:22:39Z")
Hi- I’m away from home where I have my “Monty Python: All the Words” books and I need the rules and bylaws of the Bruces for an e-mail I’m responding to about rules and bylaws. All I can remember is the reiteration of “Rule Number \_: No pooftahs!” but not the other stuff. BION, I couldn’t find it by googling _“no pooftahs” “monty python” bruces_ (though I found a thousand variations on it). Can somebody please help? (As said, I don’t need the whole sketch, just the words.) ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/2 "2004-04-24T18:23:52Z")
Shuldige. The above should have read “I don’t need the whole sketch, just the rules.” We now return to Channel 4. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/3 "2004-04-24T18:31:00Z")
1. No pooftahs. 2. No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever, if there’s anyone watching. 3. No pooftahs, 4. I don’t want to catch anyone not drinking in their rooms after lights out. 5. No pooftahs. 6. There is _no_ rule six. 7. No pooftahs. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/4 "2004-04-24T18:32:17Z")
Thanks! Now feel free to hijack this thread into any Python relevant posting of your choice, provided it’s one without much spam in it. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/5 "2004-04-24T18:35:44Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Thanks! > > Now feel free to hijack this thread into any Python relevant posting of your choice, provided it’s one without much spam in it. I DON’T LIKE SPAM! ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/6 "2004-04-24T19:31:50Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > I DON’T LIKE SPAM! I’ll have yous Spam. I love it! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/7 "2004-04-24T19:54:36Z")
Well, can I have her spam instead of the baked beans? ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/8 "2004-04-24T20:15:16Z")
NO-ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!! I’ve always wanted to do that. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/9 "2004-04-24T20:18:54Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Well, can I have her spam instead of the baked beans? Ewwwwww. Then it wouldn’t be spam, spam, spam, baked beans, and spam then, would it? ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/10 "2004-04-24T20:30:04Z")
While this is going could someone tell me the opening verse or verses of the Lumberjack song. I can remember from: I cuts down trees, I skips and jumps, I like to press wild flowers, I put on women’s clothing, And hang around in bars. _He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps…_ I cuts down trees, I wears high heels, Suspenders and a bra, I’d wish I’d been a girlie, Just like my dear mama. _He cuts down trees, he wears high heels?.._ But what comes before that? ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/11 "2004-04-24T20:36:54Z")
I think the first verse is _I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavat’ry. On Wednesdays I go shoppin’ And have buttered scones for tea._ ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/12 "2004-04-24T21:03:58Z")
These are the words that are not to be used again on this programme. B\*M B\*TTY P\*X KN\*CKERS W\*\*-W\*\* SEMPRINI ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/13 "2004-04-24T21:12:08Z")
Semprini? ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/14 "2004-04-24T21:23:00Z")
> [@](#): > > from _Mr. Blue Sky_ > 2. No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever, if there’s anyone watching. Well, honk my hooter! and here I’d always heard it as “maltreat the others”, as in, other members of the faculty. But on reading this, I just looked it up in MY copy of “All the Words”, and sure enough, yours is in the script, Mr. Blue Bruce. So would I be correct in guessing that “the Abbos” is Australian slang for aboriginees? or am I way off? (hadn’t heard the term before). ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/15 "2004-04-24T21:30:51Z")
Number 1: The Larch. ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/16 "2004-04-24T21:35:37Z")
Lemon curry? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/17 "2004-04-24T21:56:45Z")
> [@](#): > > I cuts down trees, I skips and jumps, > I like to press wild flowers, > I put on women’s clothing, > And hang around in bars. As an aside, a few years ago at a physics department Halloween party, the English systems administrator and an English postdoc went as lumberjacks (and that’s OK). It’s funny when the Monty Python guys do it, but it’s funnier when a couple of co-workers do it, in person. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/18 "2004-04-24T22:01:21Z")
My brain huuuuurts!!! ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/19 "2004-04-24T22:05:37Z")
Nonono–the brain in my heaaaad. ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823/20 "2004-04-24T23:37:20Z")
Get…the COMFY CHAIR! :eek: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quickly-needed-monty-python-gq/241823.md?page=2)