# A quiet return and the loss of my dad
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 31, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003 "2003-12-31T21:02:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/1 "2003-12-31T21:02:34Z")
Just wanted to poke my head back in and let everyone know I’m back. As many of you know [I was temporarily suspended](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=226635) from the SDMB for posting a joke thread in the Pit before the rules had been completely hashed out. I wasn’t in complete agreement with it at the time and was fired up to post a complaint thread when I returned, but circumstances (see below) and time have allowed a cooler head on my part to prevail. I’ll just leave it that I understand **Lynn** has a difficult job and I appreciate that she restored my posting privileges after a week without making me beg for them.
Coincidentally on the day my suspension was up I received a call in the afternoon from my sister that I needed to get on a plane and head home immediately. My father had been more in than out of the hospital since March, and although he’d been very ill he’d been able to maintain a status quo, but his last surgery the day before Thanksgiving proved to be too much for him, and it was time to make him as comfortable as possible.
I arrived home early Tuesday morning and the whole family was able to talk with him, although it was an amazingly painful experience that will haunt me for the rest of my life. He finally fell asleep Tuesday evening, slept through Wednesday, and passed away peacefully early Thursday morning, December 11. I was able to help my sisters and my mother make the arrangements for the viewing on Monday and the service and internment on Tuesday, and then helped my mother start the arduous process of picking up the pieces, tying up loose ends and beginning to move on. I finally returned home on Christmas Eve to my wonderful partner **Q** and am starting to get my own life back up to speed. (If anyone is interested in reading more, including what I read at his service, feel free to check out [my LiveJournal](http://www.livejournal.com/users/esprix/).)
I wanted to take a moment to thank all those on the Dope and LiveJournal who expressed their sympathies and understanding. My father was a tremendously wonderful man who leaves behind a legacy of humor, warmth, kindness, gentlemanliness and love, not to mention a wife of 45 years, three children, and six grandchildren, and I’m just sorry that more of you weren’t able to experience that first hand (and truth be told, one of the hardest things I’m having trouble dealing with is that he never met **Q** , and in turn **Q** will never know what a great guy he was and how much I know he would have loved him).
76 years young, Dad. See ya in Disney World. 😉
Esprix
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### Author:  [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2003, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/2 "2003-12-31T21:18:08Z")
I’m very sad for you, **Esprix**. It is nice to see you back, too bad your first post had to be of this nature.
I’ve never lost someone close to me. Maybe because I don’t get close to many people. But losing one of my parents would tear me apart to no end…
So sorry : (
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### Author:  [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2003, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/3 "2003-12-31T21:18:25Z")
Welcome back **Esprix**. I lost my own father 6 years ago and am always grateful for threads like these that make me think of him.
My condolences on the loss of your father.
((((((((( **Esprix** )))))))))))))
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### Author:  [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2003, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/4 "2003-12-31T21:37:30Z")
Welcome back, **Esprix** – we’ve missed you around here.
My sympathies to you and your family. Losing a parent is not easy. It will be five years in February since my mother died, and it’s still painful at times, though in a more distant way now. (I had to think about that because I can’t believe it’s been five years already.)
Best wishes for the coming year.
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2003, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/5 "2003-12-31T22:12:32Z")
Hello, **Esprix**. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for posting in the thread I started about my mother’s husband. That’s the first I heard about your father.
Please accept my condolences and a hug.
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### Author:  [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/6 "2003-12-31T22:24:49Z")
I’m so sorry, **Esprix**. _hug_
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### Author:  [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2003, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/7 "2003-12-31T22:25:32Z")
Hugs, dear **Esprix** from another admirer of his dad. I can’t make your loss any more bearable, but I can identify with it. Glad you’re back!
Q
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### Author:  [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/8 "2003-12-31T22:29:15Z")
My condolences to you and your family **Esprix**. May you and your family know no more sorrow; only happiness and joy.
Zev Steinhardt
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### Author:  [@Lucretia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucretia)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/9 "2003-12-31T22:32:50Z")
**Bluesman** and I send our condolences, **Esprix**. He also knows what it is like to lose a beloved father.
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### Author:  [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/10 "2004-01-01T01:15:54Z")
i’m so sorry. may his memory be eternal.
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### Author:  [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/11 "2004-01-01T01:28:59Z")
My sincere condolences, **Esprix**. I know how hard it is to lose a dad. To me, it seemed like the world just wasn’t as steady as it used to be.
Best wishes for healing to you and your family.
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### Author:  [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/12 "2004-01-01T01:50:42Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, but it’s wonderful that it seems like you’re doing all you can to preserve his memory.
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### Author:  [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/13 "2004-01-01T02:04:33Z")
Good to hav eyou back and contributing in your talented way.
My best to you on your los, you were blessed to have had a nice father.
Are you ever planning on becoming a father someday?
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### Author:  [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/14 "2004-01-01T02:11:55Z")
{{{ **Esprix** ]}}}
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/15 "2004-01-01T02:17:30Z")
I expressed my condolences in LJ, but yet again, I’m sorry for your loss, **Esprix**.
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### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/16 "2004-01-01T02:23:57Z")
Welcome back, dear. I hope 2004 will be better.
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### Author:  [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/17 "2004-01-01T02:43:11Z")
What you read for your father was a fine tribute.
I hope you are feeling better and will continue to heal.
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### Author:  [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/18 "2004-01-01T03:44:00Z")
**Esprix** , good to see you back. Our condolences on the loss of your Dad and may you be comforted by the memories of all the good times.
Again, we’re here should you need to talk or a shoulder to cry on. Take care, good friend and stay in touch.
Ric and Kathy
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### Author:  [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/19 "2004-01-01T07:59:29Z")
So sorry to hear about your loss ☹ It sounds as though he was a wonderful guy and I’m glad that he went peacefully.
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### Author:  [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2004, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-quiet-return-and-the-loss-of-my-dad/222003/20 "2004-01-01T13:15:39Z")
**Esprix** , having lost both of my parents (my mom 15 years ago, and my dad last April), I have some idea how you feel. The only things that really help are the passage of time, and loving yourself enough to allow yourself to really _feel_ whatever it is you feel. Second-guessing your feelings only hinders the healing process.
Good to have you back.
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