# A reminder: If you receive an abusive PM **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [October 28, 2019, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580 "2019-10-28T11:22:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/1 "2019-10-28T11:22:08Z")
All of the rules of posting on this board also apply to PMs (private messages). But there’s a catch: Ordinarily, we mods can’t read private messages, which makes enforcement difficult. Difficult, but not impossible, and that’s where you come in. You see, while we can’t ordinarily read private messages, we _can_ read reports of them. You can report a private message the same way you’d report any other post, using the red triangle button with the exclamation mark in it. So if you receive a PM containing spam, personal insults, or other behavior that’s not allowed on the board, please report it, so we can be aware of the situation and deal with it. Oh, and if you do this, it might also be a good idea to PM or e-mail one or more moderators to let us know. We don’t always notice reported PMs right away. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/2 "2019-10-28T12:31:49Z")
Reporting a PM allows the moderators to see the PM? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/3 "2019-10-28T12:35:07Z")
That’s what Chronos just said. I moderate a different vBulletin board, with slightly different features. On that one, when a post is reported, a copy of the post gets sent with the report to the mods forum, with the reporting comments attached. I assume the same is true of PMs on this board. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/4 "2019-10-28T12:38:25Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > That’s what Chronos just said. Actually, that’s not what he said. A copy of the PM being sent with the report is not the same as looking at the original PM. I was just wondering which it was. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/5 "2019-10-28T12:49:43Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Actually, that’s not what he said. > > A copy of the PM being sent with the report is not the same as looking at the original PM. I was just wondering which it was. I believe they get an email that has, what is essentially, a quote of it. Just like if I reported your post, they’d get an email with the text of what you wrote. That, AIUI, is why they need you to report it. Even if you tell them about it they can’t see it, if you report it they get a copy of it, which you can’t alter before they see it. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/6 "2019-10-28T13:00:48Z")
Which forum’s rules do PMs fall under? Obviously not the BBQ if personal insults are verboten, but can I criticise moderation in them? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/7 "2019-10-28T14:18:23Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Actually, that’s not what he said. > > A copy of the PM being sent with the report is not the same as looking at the original PM. I was just wondering which it was. You’re right, I misread the post. Sorry. But if PMs have that little red triangle handy, I bet it sends a system-generated copy of the original, because that’s how the red triangle works for posts. ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/8 "2019-10-28T15:25:08Z")
Yes, it treats it as a post report and we see the exact PM that was sent. As far as rules - it’s the general board rules (not pit). There’s quite a bit of leeway in terms of private conversation that people want to engage in and that’s fine. We rely mostly on the ‘don’t be a jerk’ rule for PMs. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/9 "2019-10-28T15:30:28Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Which forum’s rules do PMs fall under? Obviously not the BBQ if personal insults are verboten, but can I criticise moderation in them? You are welcome to discuss or dispute a note, warning, or other moderation by PM, as long as it’s done in a civil fashion. Insulting or abusive PMs may result in a warning. (And stating that “I don’t care if you ban me!” is a good way to have a short tenure here.;)) ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/10 "2019-10-28T15:35:15Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I believe they get an email that has, what is essentially, a quote of it. Just like if I reported your post, they’d get an email with the text of what you wrote. > That, AIUI, is why they need you to report it. Even if you tell them about it they can’t see it, if you report it they get a copy of it, which you can’t alter before they see it. As has been said, reporting a PM, like reporting a post, results in a post in the moderation forum quoting the PM and the reasons given by the poster for the report. However, unlike reported posts, where mods receive an email notification of reports from their forums, we don’t receive emails since PMs don’t belong to any forum. To see reported PMs, we have to check the reports forum. That’s why Chronos suggests sending a PM to a mod if you report a PM. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/11 "2019-10-28T17:14:54Z")
I sometimes cry myself to sleep _dreaming_ of getting a PM, abusive or otherwise. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/12 "2019-10-28T18:22:07Z")
I should also say that no one should refrain from reporting an abusive PM under the misguided notion of “not being a snitch.” Maybe you don’t care that much about it, but if the poster is sending such PMs to you, he may be sending them to others. By reporting it you can assist us in preventing abuse of other posters. In one case, in a Pit thread a poster mentioned having received an abusive post from another, concerning a post made in another forum. Despite requests, he refused to report the PM itself, so we couldn’t do anything about it despite this being a pattern of behavior for the poster in question. This isn’t helpful in protecting other posters from abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2019, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/13 "2019-10-29T00:59:13Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > You’re right, I misread the post. Sorry. > > But if PMs have that little red triangle handy, I bet it sends a system-generated copy of the original, because that’s how the red triangle works for posts. No worries. I just wondered if they got the unedited PM or the user just sent the PM (with the ability to edit it before sending). Just a technical question, not anything else. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2019, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/14 "2019-10-29T02:56:05Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Oh, and if you do this, it might also be a good idea to PM or e-mail one or more moderators to let us know. We don’t always notice reported PMs right away. Any particular mod, or just one of our choosing? ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2019, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/15 "2019-10-29T04:35:26Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > Any particular mod, or just one of our choosing? It’s like the hunger games. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2019, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-reminder-if-you-receive-an-abusive-pm/842580/16 "2019-10-29T05:09:42Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > Any particular mod, or just one of our choosing? Send it to the crankiest mod.😉 Seriously, you can check to see which mods are on line on the “View Forum Leaders” links on the main forum page.