# A sad encounter with an old man. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 8, 2016, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384 "2016-09-08T23:33:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/21 "2016-09-11T03:49:19Z")
Man, I’d rather be a sucker than assume everyone I met was trying to hustle me. ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/22 "2016-09-11T05:08:05Z")
Stories like this are why I do what I do. There are a lot of people in the world who maybe can’t get around as well, or never were very organized, but they retain all their cognitive faculties and the last thing they’d want to do is go live in a nursing home. It turns out I really enjoy being the person who values their garden as much as they do, or the person who helps them fix their roof. (Yup. Done it twice now) You know, maybe they don’t have kids, or their kids are far away. That’s okay; I am estranged from my parents, so it works out perfectly. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/23 "2016-09-11T05:20:57Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > An index card with a bunch of unrecognizable jargon. He walks up to you in the mall and tells you why he can’t really walk much and why he has no cane (it would have been interesting to hear him explain why he didn’t have a powered chair). He dismisses all assistance toward communication and friendship. He abruptly leaves. > > Sorry to be cynical, but I think there’s a good chance he was expecting you to offer him money and gave up when you did not. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > I can assure you this was not the case. Sounds like that to me. Classic con. Tell him you’ll call social services and you’ll see he’s not as disabled as he wanted you to believe. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/24 "2016-09-11T06:17:07Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Sounds like that to me. Classic con. Tell him you’ll call social services and you’ll see he’s not as disabled as he wanted you to believe. Mkay. The dude did not want _anything_ from me. If he was angling for a hand-out, he was staggeringly ineffective at it, since **nothing** he said implied a lack of financial well-being. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/25 "2016-09-11T07:03:54Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Man, I’d rather be a sucker than assume everyone I met was trying to hustle me. **Spice** , for (mumble, mumble, mumble) reasons, my paycheck is a little late this month and if you send me $100 by paypall, I’ll pay you right back. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/26 "2016-09-11T08:41:39Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > And I don’t mean to be unfeeling, but sometimes the stories you are told have little resemblance to reality. I was thinking the same thing at first, but, it’s kinda believable (provided you put a second hand filter on it) I’m an RN. I have SEEN dudes like that. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/27 "2016-09-11T12:17:41Z")
[QUOTE=Ambivalid] He doesn’t drive. I don’t know how he got to the store or anything else but he told us that he doesn’t drive. [/QUOTE] > [@kayaker](#): > > Segway? Speaking of driving, did you see that traffic coming into town? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/28 "2016-09-11T14:05:39Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Mkay. The dude did not want _anything_ from me. If he was angling for a hand-out, he was staggeringly ineffective at it, since **nothing** he said implied a lack of financial well-being. That’s the way it works. He may not be looking for cash, he’s looking for you to take him home and take care of him. How did he get there? Who carries an index card with a list of all their medical problems? You were talking to him right there but he says he can’t communicate by phone. He didn’t make you as a mark, and he kept on looking. So maybe he was just a decrepit old man, in that case he needs to be told he’s acting like a grifter. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/29 "2016-09-11T14:25:44Z")
Hmm. I don’t think he was a beggar. I think he just wanted to complain. There are people like this. They want to talk in great detail about why their lives suck, but they aren’t interested in taking advice about improving it. You notice whenever you offered a suggestion about what to do, he had an excuse about why that wouldn’t work in his case. And then he just went on with his list of horrors. He wasn’t looking for help or money. He was looking for sympathy and pity. He wanted validation that he had the world’s worst problems, and wasn’t he brave just for still being alive? Yes, he has a sad, sad life. And he likes it that way. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/30 "2016-09-11T14:49:02Z")
You know, in a weird way, he might have approached you because he felt competitive about you, not “safe” as you assumed in your post. Think about it. If he could get a guy in a wheelchair to feel sorry for him, that’s the ultimate rush for a sympathy junkie. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/31 "2016-09-11T18:19:00Z")
This thread really brought out the cynics didn’t it. I think he is just a lonely old man who wants to communicate with another human being. Just needs some human contact. So do we all. As my friends retire and move away, not to mention die off, my wife and I have fewer and fewer people we have regular contact with. And when one of us shuffles off the coil, the other will really be bereft. It is sad and the physical problems make it worse. In Canada, he would have been provided with an electric wheelchair (although not with a hearing aid :() and placed in a nursing home if it seemed necessary. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/32 "2016-09-11T19:47:03Z")
Here’s a very non-cynical reason he’d have an index card with his medical conditions. It communicates what EMT and ER people need to know just in case he’s can’t speak. It may also help him remember what to tell people just in case they ask him what medications he’s taking. I don’t know why people are so suspicious. I see frail elderly people all the time, riding the bus, slowly making their way down the street. Some of them look like they’re in awesome shape, and some of them don’t. And quite frequently, some of them aren’t too timid to let him know. What kind of rainbows-and-lollipops world are ya’ll living in where this is so implausible? Back when I was taking yoga, there was an old guy in my class who kvetched about his broken-down body all the time. Now, he did it in a humorous way and you could tell that despite his problems, he was still doing the damn thing. But sometimes it was sad to watch him struggle and try to be a good sport about it. Whenever I see him around town sometimes I feel that sadness. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/33 "2016-09-11T20:18:59Z")
If that happened to me I’d feel worst because I don’t know offhand and in simple terms what advice or contact to give such a person to get help from social services. That might not be an easy, quick or at all viable solution necessarily, but it’s something. I don’t think I could offer anything, except if being willing to listen helped in any way, which I applaud OP for doing. Giving money wouldn’t be a solution if the problem was as described, and not appropriate if it wasn’t being honestly described. Although I’m willing to accept OP’s first hand assessment that that wasn’t the guy’s intention anyway. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/34 "2016-09-11T20:40:28Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > My grandmother lipreads like nobody’s business; by the time her daughters convinced her to get her hearing checked she’d had tinnitus for years and was above 60% loss in one ear, over 90% in the other. That was in 2010, now her hearing is worse. Turning up the volume wouldn’t do anything; if you want her to understand what you’re saying, you have to make sure you’re looking straight at her. I’ve had loud tinnitus since I was 11 (didn’t even listen to loud music! No fair! :p) and I know that I rely on lip reading to supplement my hearing. I’m also nearsighted, so I’ve been known to say, “I can’t hear you, I don’t have my glasses on.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2016, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/35 "2016-09-11T21:35:04Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Here’s a very non-cynical reason he’d have an index card with his medical conditions. It communicates what EMT and ER people need to know just in case he’s can’t speak. It may also help him remember what to tell people just in case they ask him what medications he’s taking. > > I don’t know why people are so suspicious. I see frail elderly people all the time, riding the bus, slowly making their way down the street. Some of them look like they’re in awesome shape, and some of them don’t. And quite frequently, some of them aren’t too timid to let him know. What kind of rainbows-and-lollipops world are ya’ll living in where this is so implausible? > > Back when I was taking yoga, there was an old guy in my class who kvetched about his broken-down body all the time. Now, he did it in a humorous way and you could tell that despite his problems, he was still doing the damn thing. But sometimes it was sad to watch him struggle and try to be a good sport about it. Whenever I see him around town sometimes I feel that sadness. This. Having worked at a senior center and done Meals on Wheels, and now cleaning houses for elderly, physically challenged folks all the time, I also don’t get why this would be considered so far out of the norm that they guy just had to be scamming. Lots of these types, in my experience, are still pretty proud individuals who don’t want a handout, but would love anyone to talk to. And unfortunately, since they’re typically alone, aren’t really up on their conversational skills, which is why they default to ailments and hardships. You know, the things that affect them daily. Plus, if y’all don’t know anyone who kvetches and yet doesn’t take advice, you are one lucky creature and I’d like to shake your blue tentacle. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2016, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/36 "2016-09-12T04:18:38Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > In Canada, he would have been provided with an electric wheelchair… This is true in the US too; Medicare certainly pays for power chairs. It’s one of the reasons that his backstory is lacking for me. But I wasn’t there, obviously, and I defer to **Ambivalid** ’s perception of the situation. I’m not going to bust his chops for having faith in humanity. I guess I am a bit surprised that so many people here are confident enough in their perspectives to ridicule even the possibility of an alternative. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2016, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/37 "2016-09-12T10:03:06Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > I guess I am a bit surprised that so many people here are confident enough in their perspectives to ridicule even the possibility of an alternative. One day Ambi will realize he met a time traveler, suffering from what we will one day call “time travel fever” from too many jumps. A stereotypic case, for what it’ll be worth. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2016, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/38 "2016-09-12T13:15:53Z")
Here’s another thought, and this one comes from my experience with a friend. He’s in his mid to late fifties, completely blind, lives alone in a ramshackle tenement, doesn’t drive and has a host of other medical problems to boot. Yet, due to some sort of won’t-have-diagnosed mental issues, he won’t get any government assistance whatsoever. I’ve tried to get him help, as well as his best friend, but he denies that he needs it and turns it away left and right. And trust me, if you end up next to him at the Dollar General he can still get to, he’d have no problem regaling you with any and all ailments, afflictions and bad circumstances. ☹ Sadly, he really is a sweet guy, just terribly proud. He’s been like that since his twenties and simply can’t wrap his mind around how life turned out this way. So, he bitches about it to all who’ll listen, but never in a million years would take anything from anyone. In conclusion, perhaps there was something mental going on with that gentleman? I wouldn’t rule it out. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2016, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/39 "2016-09-12T22:10:31Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > And I don’t mean to be unfeeling, but sometimes the stories you are told have little resemblance to reality. That can be interpreted two ways in this instance. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2016, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384/40 "2016-09-12T22:16:03Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > That can be interpreted two ways in this instance. Yeah I got that. Sly. :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sad-encounter-with-an-old-man/765384.md?page=1)