# A scary story **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 16, 2008, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290 "2008-10-16T23:57:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2008, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/1 "2008-10-16T23:57:32Z")
One day, you wake up, yawn, then go outside to pick up the newspaper. SUDDENLY, YOU FIND OUT IT’S NOVEMBER 4th AND McCAIN WON THE ELECTIONS! ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/2 "2008-10-17T03:15:07Z")
And this, people, is why we NEED a political forum. Sheesh, what a waste of time. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/3 "2008-10-17T03:24:27Z")
> [@Gozu](#): > > One day, you wake up, yawn, then go outside to pick up the newspaper. > > SUDDENLY, YOU FIND OUT IT’S NOVEMBER 4th AND McCAIN WON THE ELECTIONS! And that you’re NAKED! And covered in GRAPE JELLY! And there’s a SHRINER’S PARADE PASSING BY! ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/4 "2008-10-17T04:21:15Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > And that you’re NAKED! > > And covered in GRAPE JELLY! > > And there’s a SHRINER’S PARADE PASSING BY! And you’re ON DISPLAY! And it’s a COOKBOOK! And YOU’RE JIMMY CARTER! ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/5 "2008-10-17T04:23:02Z")
> [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](#): > > And this, people, is why we NEED a political forum. > > Sheesh, what a waste of time. Which would have moderate activity every two years and go insane every four. Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad, compared to what we have now. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/6 "2008-10-17T05:17:22Z")
> [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](#): > > And this, people, is why we NEED a political forum. > > Sheesh, what a waste of time. Sorry, it’s typical american humor. It probably doesn’t translate well in Australia. I assure you, though, it was really not a waste of time. It was totally hilarious for all americans who read it, and most british. ps: I should add I was impersonating Quagmire from Family Guy when he tells his scary story in one of the episodes. That’s why I used All caps in the second line. Again, I assure you it is hilarious. 100%. ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/7 "2008-10-17T05:41:47Z")
> [@Gozu](#): > > SUDDENLY, YOU FIND OUT IT’S NOVEMBER 4th AND McCAIN WON THE ELECTIONS! I got one scarier. On Nov. 5th, McCain announces that his cancer has returned, so for health reasons he is stepping aside and Sarah Palin will become the 44th POTUS. Pleasant dreams, children! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/8 "2008-10-17T06:09:09Z")
> [@Gozu](#): > > One day, you wake up, yawn, then go outside to pick up the newspaper. > > SUDDENLY, YOU FIND OUT IT’S NOVEMBER 4th AND McCAIN WON THE ELECTIONS! AND YOU ARE JOHN McCAIN! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/9 "2008-10-17T07:02:56Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > AND YOU ARE JOHN McCAIN! :eek: And DEAD! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/10 "2008-10-17T07:20:55Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > AND YOU ARE JOHN McCAIN! :eek: And you’re in bed with Palin and Obama ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/11 "2008-10-17T07:42:38Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > And you’re in bed with Palin and Obama And DEAD and your ETERNAL TORMENT IN HELL is to watch Palin and Obama DO THE NASTY! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/12 "2008-10-17T08:54:40Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > And DEAD and your ETERNAL TORMENT IN HELL is to watch Palin and Obama DO THE NASTY! Before they do it to _you_ without lubricant ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/13 "2008-10-17T14:56:49Z")
> [@Gozu](#): > > One day, you wake up, yawn, then go outside to pick up the newspaper. > > SUDDENLY, YOU FIND OUT IT’S NOVEMBER 4th AND McCAIN WON THE ELECTIONS! I wanna know how the people at the newspaper rebuilt the DeLorean. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/14 "2008-10-17T15:27:01Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > I wanna know how the people at the newspaper rebuilt the DeLorean. :dubious: Psssh… DeLoreans are everywhere. It’s the Flux Capacitor _that. makes. time. travel. possible._ ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/15 "2008-10-17T15:29:41Z")
> [@Gozu](#): > > Again, I assure you it is hilarious. 100%. Well, if you say so. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/16 "2008-10-17T15:32:27Z")
Actually, that’s not the scary thing. The scary thing is that the fundie right-wingers where right. Obama becomes President. And turns out to actually _be_ the Anti-Christ, bringing in the Rapture™, Tribulation, Wormwood, Armageddon, and Islamic prayer in schools! Actually, that might be kinda cool. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/17 "2008-10-17T15:40:18Z")
> [@Gozu](#): > > Sorry, it’s typical american humor. Which is why commonwealth countries distinguish the funny stuff by spelling it with a “u”. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/18 "2008-10-17T16:05:21Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > I wanna know how the people at the newspaper rebuilt the DeLorean. :dubious: It’s the New York Post. Murdoch’s had that headline written for _ages_. ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/19 "2008-10-17T16:22:34Z")
> [@KGS](#): > > I got one scarier. > > On Nov. 5th, McCain announces that his cancer has returned, so for health reasons he is stepping aside and Sarah Palin will become the 44th POTUS. > > Pleasant dreams, children! 😃 Dammit, now I really won’t sleep tonight! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2008, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290/20 "2008-10-17T17:55:03Z")
> [@Gozu](#): > > ps: I should add I was impersonating Quagmire from Family Guy when he tells his scary story in one of the episodes. That’s why I used All caps in the second line. Giggity. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-scary-story/468290.md?page=2)