# A series of improbably bad fortune cookie fortunes **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 28, 2022, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579 "2022-04-28T02:54:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/1 "2022-04-28T02:54:28Z")
In honor of that American invention, the fortune cookie, I propose the construction of improbable fortunes. Your job as the next poster in this thread is to write a new fortune which includes one key word from the previous fortune. So, if I were to write: _An inexplicable noise will disrupt your sleep two nights from now_ you might write a fortune that said: _You will buy **noise** -cancelling headphones soon but they will not work._ or perhaps: _While you are scrubbing your bathroom, an **inexplicable** odor will permeate your nostrils._ So I’ll go first: The next time you pick up your car keys, they will be oddly sticky. ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/2 "2022-04-28T08:11:47Z")
You will have many friends, but none of them will loan you money. _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/3 "2022-04-28T09:19:00Z")
You will make money today but all of it will be uncomfortably sticky. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/4 "2022-04-28T09:20:50Z")
I’ll go off the OP sinnce the previous poster didn’t do it right. The next time you come to this restaurant, you will order the sticky rice ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/5 "2022-04-28T10:25:06Z")
You will eat in a restaurant that failed its health inspection. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/6 "2022-04-28T17:28:12Z")
You’re eating this food and fortune cookie, so your health aspects aren’t looking too good. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/7 "2022-04-28T17:47:59Z")
You will eat another **fortune** cookie after this one. (I like @Grrr 's approach of bolding the word taken from the previous post.) ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/8 "2022-04-28T18:16:35Z")
A tracking **cookie** will cause you minor inconvenience in the next few days. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/9 "2022-04-28T18:29:45Z")
You will experience a **minor** but exceptionally annoying injury to your left big toe. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/10 "2022-04-28T21:28:53Z")
One of your grandchildren will experience an **injury** relating to a somewhat frowsy-looking chicken. ---
**Author:** ![Retzbu\_Tox](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/retzbu_tox/32/11829_2.png) [@Retzbu\_Tox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Retzbu_Tox)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/11 "2022-04-28T21:39:16Z")
You will have many **grandchildren** due to an accident at a fertility clinic. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2022, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/12 "2022-04-28T22:15:53Z")
Sadly, a mutant strain of mosquitoes with greatly enhanced **fertility** will invade your home and be impossible to eradicate. ---
**Author:** ![boson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boson/32/11407_2.png) [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2022, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/13 "2022-04-29T02:37:19Z")
Due to a miscommunication with your doctor, a part of your body will be **enhanced** without your consent. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2022, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/14 "2022-04-29T05:04:01Z")
Your **doctor** will give you a very pessimistic diagnosis. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2022, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/15 "2022-04-29T05:10:36Z")
You will soon receive a **diagnosis** of Wernberger-Chonk syndrome, which causes a progressively more intense tendency to burp at stoplights. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2022, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/16 "2022-04-29T05:36:08Z")
From now on **stoplights** hate you with an intensity strong enough to block out the sun. ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2022, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/17 "2022-04-29T10:05:36Z")
I apologize for my failed first attempt… _mea culpa_. In play: The **sun** will come up, and so will this dinner. _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2022, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/18 "2022-04-29T13:12:47Z")
You lack the **will** to live. Buy a dog. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2022, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/19 "2022-04-29T13:13:34Z")
If you love **dog** s, then you loved your dinner. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2022, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/20 "2022-04-29T13:47:31Z")
Sometime next week, your **dinner** companion will accuse you of embezzling. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579.md?page=2)