# A series of improbably bad fortune cookie fortunes **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 28, 2022, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579 "2022-04-28T02:54:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/301 "2022-07-05T00:29:46Z")
**The Year of the Rat** begins **at** midnight. Run for your life. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/302 "2022-07-05T02:24:51Z")
You will **run** out of things to say the next time you go to a dinner party. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/303 "2022-07-05T02:34:43Z")
The next dinner party at your house will include a nekkid child running through the living room. It will not be your child. ---
**Author:** ![boson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boson/32/11407_2.png) [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2022, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/304 "2022-07-06T04:08:05Z")
Insist on paying the bill with bitcoin. ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2022, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/305 "2022-07-06T12:40:26Z")
Your **living room** will be the site of the Simon and Garfunkel reunion concert. ignoring boson because they aren’t following the rules ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2022, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/306 "2022-07-06T14:58:39Z")
Art **Garfunkel** will eat all your peanut butter. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2022, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/307 "2022-07-06T16:10:56Z")
I hope you don’t have a **peanut** allergy . . . or that you haven’t eaten the cookie yet. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2022, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/308 "2022-07-06T17:07:09Z")
Fun fact: an **allergy** can begin at any time, even in late adulthood! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2022, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/309 "2022-07-06T20:41:37Z")
You are not having any **fun** yet. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2022, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/310 "2022-07-06T20:58:16Z")
You are not the people my parents warned me about. ---
**Author:** ![boson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boson/32/11407_2.png) [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2022, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/311 "2022-07-07T00:52:27Z")
An IRS auditor is parked outside your home. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2022, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/312 "2022-07-07T03:42:42Z")
**Outside** of a rogue meteor strike, there is little prospect for lasting change. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2022, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/313 "2022-07-07T03:50:40Z")
**Outside of a** dog, a book is your best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2022, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/314 "2022-07-07T14:36:13Z")
Never **book** a flight on a Tuesday. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2022, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/315 "2022-07-08T01:13:39Z")
**Tuesday** Weld ate here all the time, until she didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![boson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boson/32/11407_2.png) [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2022, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/316 "2022-07-08T02:37:49Z")
You will soon enter a dark little room that will roll away. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2022, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/317 "2022-07-08T13:24:15Z")
(psst @boson - the idea is a series - similar to the “domino” threads. Take one element from the prior fortune and use that for yours; bolding the element. For example, your fortune could have been “On Tuesday, you will enter a dark little room that will roll away.” If that had been your fortune, mine might be…) You can no longer rock nor roll. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2022, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/318 "2022-07-08T17:41:34Z")
You will encounter a **rock** fish and not be able to decide whether to eat it or acquire several more and line your garden path. ---
**Author:** ![boson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boson/32/11407_2.png) [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2022, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/319 "2022-07-10T05:52:50Z")
_(oh, Doctor, that’s the third time [and maybe not the last] I had forgotten that rule. Thanks for the reminder. Can you prescribe something? I’ll check my local Walgreens)_ Your **path** home tonight will take you sixty miles out of your way. You have something to accomplish there. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2022, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/320 "2022-07-11T11:45:24Z")
Massive wealth is headed **your way**. Ever wonder what kind of damage 10,000,000,000 pennies can inflict? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579.md?page=17)