# A series of improbably bad fortune cookie fortunes **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 28, 2022, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579 "2022-04-28T02:54:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2022, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/21 "2022-04-29T18:18:17Z")
This will not be a good **week** for you to give up smoking. Or cocaine. Or sniffing glue. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2022, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/22 "2022-04-29T20:01:09Z")
Love may be the **glue** that holds your relationship together, but you’re out of Elmer’s. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2022, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/23 "2022-04-30T01:52:54Z")
You will fall in **love** with someone who is either nothing like you, or worse yet, exactly like you. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2022, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/24 "2022-04-30T07:28:43Z")
**Nothing** good will ever happen to you. Your future is virtually non-existent. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2022, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/25 "2022-04-30T10:51:35Z")
You will find your next sweater after breaking into a **Good** will dropoff box. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2022, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/26 "2022-04-30T19:26:22Z")
Your life shall be forfeit before the **next** cuckoo of the clock. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2022, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/27 "2022-04-30T20:04:49Z")
A relative you have always dismissed as “ **cuckoo** ” will unexpectedly earn millions from their novel invention, but will vengefully use their newfound wealth to destroy your happiness. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2022, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/28 "2022-04-30T23:32:00Z")
In one day, you will **unexpectedly** lose your home, your job, your savings, your family, your friends and your health insurance. Then you’ll be diagnosed with an incurable disease. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2022, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/29 "2022-05-01T14:04:45Z")
This week you will be **diagnosed** as being on a spectrum, but no one will tell you what spectrum. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2022, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/30 "2022-05-01T14:38:28Z")
Believing your doctor wants to talk about about a **spectrum** , you will cheerfully enter her office, only to discover you misheard and she wants to use a speculum, in ways that cause you great discomfort. ---
**Author:** ![boson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boson/32/11407_2.png) [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2022, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/31 "2022-05-02T06:15:15Z")
You will win the lottery this week if you bet enough. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2022, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/32 "2022-05-02T12:27:57Z")
(I’m guessing **you** was supposed to be bolded) Due to unannounced last-minute work demands, this **week** will be 8 days for you. ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2022, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/33 "2022-05-02T13:00:31Z")
Seven **days** of nothing but rice makes one weak. _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2022, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/34 "2022-05-02T14:51:52Z")
You will see faint movement in your **rice** bowl out of the corner of your eye. ---
**Author:** ![boson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boson/32/11407_2.png) [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2022, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/35 "2022-05-02T15:42:22Z")
You will experience a **movement** somewhere in your body before you leave this restaurant. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2022, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/36 "2022-05-02T15:48:06Z")
The **movement** of your bowls will be sudden and intense. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2022, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/37 "2022-05-02T16:01:13Z")
You will experience an **intense** longing for Pepto-Bismal, but sadly, due to supply chain disruptions, all stores within a 50-mile radius will be sold out. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2022, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/38 "2022-05-02T16:25:40Z")
Someone who has been **longing** to meet you will be visiting a supermarket in your town this week. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2022, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/39 "2022-05-02T18:36:02Z")
Your in-laws are **visiting** and you’re treating them to dinner here aren’t you? I can smell the sweat of frustration from inside the cookie layers. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2022, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/40 "2022-05-02T20:00:31Z")
You will make your way **inside** the labyrinthine maze that is your corporate heirarchy, only to find it is full of turkey vultures. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579.md?page=3)