# A series of improbably bad fortune cookie fortunes **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 28, 2022, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579 "2022-04-28T02:54:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2022, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/101 "2022-05-16T15:59:41Z")
True **beauty** comes from within. Your exposed intestines however, are not attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2022, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/102 "2022-05-16T20:02:30Z")
**Beauty** is only skin deep. Ugly goes clear to the bone. _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2022, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/103 "2022-05-16T23:54:11Z")
Everyone around you thinks your **skin** looks strange. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2022, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/104 "2022-05-17T14:02:12Z")
Nothing in this restaurant is gluten-free. Including the staff, if **you** are so inclined. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2022, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/105 "2022-05-17T16:38:19Z")
Your next promotion will be **nothing** to brag about. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2022, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/106 "2022-05-17T17:13:51Z")
The **next** time you eat pizza you will burn the roof of your mouth. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2022, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/107 "2022-05-17T21:40:31Z")
Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home. Your house is on fire, your children will **burn**. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2022, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/108 "2022-05-18T01:24:08Z")
This fortune produced by the C. Montgomery **Burn** s Company. Kindly deposit two cents in the receptacle by the register as you leave. ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2022, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/109 "2022-05-18T03:30:36Z")
Under California law, **this fortune** is considered to be for amusement purposes only and is not to be construed as a promise, pledge, or any other form of binding contract. _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2022, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/110 "2022-05-18T03:32:44Z")
Soon you will temporarily **contract** an upsetting illness, but it will not be Covid. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2022, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/111 "2022-05-18T09:53:45Z")
Life can be extremely **upsetting** , so eat Cheerios instead. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2022, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/112 "2022-05-18T16:26:29Z")
In this **life** , beauty and wisdom are rarely found in the same person. (I actually got one that said that.) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2022, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/113 "2022-05-18T16:46:23Z")
**Life** is like a bowl of lichi nuts, but I couldn’t tell you why. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2022, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/114 "2022-05-18T21:32:35Z")
This restaurant used to be a **bowl** ing alley. The Parker family ate here one Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/115 "2022-05-19T01:47:51Z")
Your **family** gossips about you behind your back. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/116 "2022-05-19T15:36:18Z")
“Y’all come **back** now, y’hear?” does not directly translate into Chinese. And for good reason. ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/117 "2022-05-19T16:42:10Z")
The **Chinese** ideograms on the walls are obscene words. _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/118 "2022-05-19T17:06:56Z")
If you feel like the **walls** are closing in, close your eyes and take a deep breath. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/119 "2022-05-19T17:51:52Z")
You **eyes** are the windows to your soul. They need Windex. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/120 "2022-05-19T22:45:07Z")
**Windex** , breakfast of champions! Or was that whiskey? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579.md?page=7)