# A series of improbably bad fortune cookie fortunes **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 28, 2022, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579 "2022-04-28T02:54:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2022, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/121 "2022-05-20T01:50:41Z")
A dog is a man’s best friend - or is it a bottle of **whiskey**? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2022, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/122 "2022-05-20T02:16:08Z")
Cigarettes, and **whiskey** , and wild, wild women. They’ll drive you crazy, they’ll drive you insane. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2022, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/123 "2022-05-20T13:06:52Z")
Every **woman** in the world will want you… to paint her garage. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2022, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/124 "2022-05-20T14:19:12Z")
The **world** is your oyster. Or bottle of whiskey. Whichever is nearest. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2022, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/125 "2022-05-20T14:57:29Z")
Be sure to inspect **your** chair before you sit down. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2022, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/126 "2022-05-20T16:33:26Z")
Pssst. **Your** fly is open ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2022, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/127 "2022-05-20T21:57:46Z")
Do you know where **your** cat is? _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2022, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/128 "2022-05-20T22:17:53Z")
Your **cat** is about to bring you an unwanted gift. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2022, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/129 "2022-05-21T01:22:57Z")
You have a **gift**. The type that comes from Goodwill. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2022, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/130 "2022-05-21T15:44:43Z")
Children are a **gift** you can’t return. Or exchange. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2022, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/131 "2022-05-21T18:23:37Z")
**You** will die. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2022, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/132 "2022-05-21T18:28:28Z")
**You** will wear mismatched socks tomorrow, if **you** are not vigilant. And maybe if **you** are. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2022, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/133 "2022-05-21T21:17:17Z")
**You** will have fortune. There is not enough data to determine whether it will be good fortune or bad fortune. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2022, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/134 "2022-05-21T21:34:15Z")
The artificial ingredients in the cookie this fortune came in are **bad** for your health. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2022, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/135 "2022-05-21T23:17:07Z")
Getting the tiny typewriter into this cookie to type the **fortune** is a real bitch. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2022, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/136 "2022-05-22T04:00:38Z")
Eating this fortune cookie will give you the superpower of being able to read even very **tiny** print with no difficulty. Alas, you will not like what it says. ---
**Author:** ![boson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boson/32/11407_2.png) [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2022, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/137 "2022-05-22T04:15:58Z")
Did you ever think that Asians were extraterrestrials? (eat this note) ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2022, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/138 "2022-05-22T04:18:32Z")
A post you made about **Asians** may be flagged as inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2022, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/139 "2022-05-22T17:35:23Z")
You will be sent a **post** in northern Turkmenistan. Have fun in the Valley of Balls, I dare you. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2022, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579/140 "2022-05-22T22:32:32Z")
**I dare you** to try the hot and sour soup. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-series-of-improbably-bad-fortune-cookie-fortunes/963579.md?page=8)