# A Sexy, But Still Kinda Funny Torch Song **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 7, 2016, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111 "2016-12-07T14:49:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/1 "2016-12-07T14:49:42Z")
An organization I work with is working on their yearly variety show, and I need to come up with a number. What I’m looking for is something that’s at least a little humorous, yet still in my (admittedly low for a female) vocal range. Apologies in advance for not linking to videos of anything I mention, because I’m at work and I can’t get to many sites. ☹ To give you an idea of the kind of thing I’m looking for, one of my friends is insisting I just do Madeline Kahn’s “I’m Tired” from _Blazing Saddles_ (which will not work because I’ll never find backup dancers). Two years ago at the first show, I did Post-Modern Jukebox’s version of “All About That Bass” with a bit of a striptease at the end. I’m hoping to find something I can play for the humor, but I’m drawing a complete blank. My vocal range is on the low side of alto, practically tenor. I have just over three months to figure this out, which gives me plenty of time, but a solid twelve hours of racking my brain for songs has given me nothing. Anybody have any ideas? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/2 "2016-12-07T15:16:01Z")
How about Bonnie Raitt’s [Love Letter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYRVHJ6do9M)? Seriously sultry alto song. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/3 "2016-12-07T15:20:10Z")
[If You Hadn’t, But You Did](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G7gE16OWO0)? It’s always good for a laugh, especially if you can have a guy facing upstage to shoot at the appropriate time. ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/4 "2016-12-07T15:30:56Z")
“Fever” and “Is That All There Is?” by Peggy Lee could both be done with a humorous bent, and I don’t know really know beans about singing, but her voice is low, and I have seen/heard both of these songs done by comedians who can’t really sing all that well and do it with a comedy spin on them. Sandra Bernhard did “Is That All There Is” and pulled it off. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/5 "2016-12-07T15:50:00Z")
**Son of a Preacher Man** could be sold a number of ways, some of which could be sexy fun. ??? Or perhaps **All the Single Ladies**??? ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/6 "2016-12-07T15:53:56Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > An organization I work with is working on their yearly variety show, and I need to come up with a number. What I’m looking for is something that’s at least a little humorous, yet still in my (admittedly low for a female) vocal range. > > Apologies in advance for not linking to videos of anything I mention, because I’m at work and I can’t get to many sites. ☹ > > To give you an idea of the kind of thing I’m looking for, one of my friends is insisting I just do Madeline Kahn’s “I’m Tired” from _Blazing Saddles_ (which will not work because I’ll never find backup dancers). Two years ago at the first show, I did Post-Modern Jukebox’s version of “All About That Bass” with a bit of a striptease at the end. I’m hoping to find something I can play for the humor, but I’m drawing a complete blank. > > My vocal range is on the low side of alto, practically tenor. I have just over three months to figure this out, which gives me plenty of time, but a solid twelve hours of racking my brain for songs has given me nothing. > > Anybody have any ideas? 🙂 I just wanted to say that i am now stuck in a Postmodern Jukebox loop for a bit, and i blame you. (I was familiar with them before, a little bit, but am now listening to Bad Romance and Womanizer and the like.) ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/7 "2016-12-07T15:59:44Z")
Do you really want a Torch Song? Or do you want a funny song for an alto? ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/8 "2016-12-07T16:16:11Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > Do you really want a Torch Song? Or do you want a funny song for an alto? The general theme of the show is very burlesque/vaudeville. Most of my training is in musical theatre, so I would like to play to my strengths. I have always preferred comedy to drama, because I believe I’m just better at it. 🙂 I would say kind of the perfect example of what I’m looking for would be “Funny Honey” from _Chicago_, but I just don’t happen to want to do that one. I’m really open to pretty much any suggestion, because I’m sure there are songs out there that I’ve never heard before, or wouldn’t have considered. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/9 "2016-12-07T16:30:24Z")
Elle King’s [Ex’s and Oh’s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uLI6BnVh6w) could be pretty good. She’s got a lower voice. Lizzo’s [Phone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zZzn-KxeRI)is funny but it’s rap. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/10 "2016-12-07T16:48:22Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > My vocal range is on the low side of alto, practically tenor. That prompted me to look for “Bea Arthur sings” and I found stuff like[this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3B8bvVJ7-uk) and others – some straight and some humorous. Maybe those will help. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/11 "2016-12-07T18:07:59Z")
I love [“You Can Always Count on Me”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BDH5ZVYB_4) from the show _City of Angels_. It’s sung by the second female lead, and it’s about how she always winds up being the Other Woman. Sample lyric: The boss is quite the ladies man And that’s my biggest gripe 'Til I showed up he’s never hired A girl 'cause she could type ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/12 "2016-12-07T18:11:04Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > I love [“You Can Always Count on Me”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BDH5ZVYB_4) from the show _City of Angels_. That was actually my audition song for placement when I went to college. 🙂 It’s definitely on the list of possibilities. (But thank you for being one of the only people I know who is aware of that show’s existence.) ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/13 "2016-12-07T18:14:11Z")
Elton John’s “All the Young Girls Love Alice”? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/14 "2016-12-07T18:17:37Z")
[del]Steal[/del] [del]Borrow[/del] Reinterpret a similar scene from a movie, perhaps? [Jessica Rabbit](https://youtu.be/yy5THitqPBw) from _Who Framced Roger Rabbit_ [Valeria Golino](https://youtu.be/MvZYYIGWAk0) from _Hot Shots!_ ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/15 "2016-12-07T18:29:44Z")
My immediate thought is Ruth Brown’s “If I Can’t Sell It, I’ll Keep Sittin’ On It” Naughty and funny. It's often just called "The Chair Song". ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/16 "2016-12-07T18:38:45Z")
Not sure if[this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjuaZDdqmCw) has the tone you want… but it might work ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/17 "2016-12-07T18:54:51Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > The general theme of the show is very burlesque/vaudeville. Most of my training is in musical theatre, so I would like to play to my strengths. I have always preferred comedy to drama, because I believe I’m just better at it. 🙂 I would say kind of the perfect example of what I’m looking for would be “Funny Honey” from _Chicago_, but I just don’t happen to want to do that one. I wouldn’t call “Funny Honey” a torch song at all. Still, musical theater stuff - “A Trip to the Library” from “She Loves Me” “Nobody Does it Like Me” from “SeeSaw” “The Oldest Profession” from “The Life” ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/18 "2016-12-07T18:55:01Z")
> [@BrassyPhrase](#): > > My immediate thought is Ruth Brown’s “If I Can’t Sell It, I’ll Keep Sittin’ On It” > > Naughty and funny. It's often just called "The Chair Song". The companion to which is “Oh, Ain’t It a Beauty,” as sung by Tim Curry… which doesn’t seem to be on YT, damn it. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/19 "2016-12-07T19:02:04Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > To give you an idea of the kind of thing I’m looking for, one of my friends is insisting I just do Madeline Kahn’s “I’m Tired” from _Blazing Saddles_ (which will not work because I’ll never find backup dancers). Think you could find [a pianist](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QuBTyyuQqg&t=1m5s)? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2016, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111/20 "2016-12-07T19:25:15Z")
[I get ideas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UM9RthqdXc), this version by M Ward. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-sexy-but-still-kinda-funny-torch-song/774111.md?page=2)