# A short walk sadly spoiled **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 14, 2016, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526 "2016-10-14T17:23:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2016, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/21 "2016-10-14T21:30:27Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > For the past couple of decades, I’ve noticed that females will not even make eye contact with me in the supermarket or library. It’s a USA thing. Check your age. Once you enter your 40s, you become invisible to the opposite sex. There was a thread around here a while ago where someone (a man) was discussing the fear of helping a lost child, especially if said child was female. Many male board members expressed sympathy to that sentiment, and many female board members found that to be saddening. I think this thread taps into that same instinct - that men are often met with suspicion when they are trying to help a random person. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2016, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/22 "2016-10-14T21:44:18Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > That is a bit disheartening, **Quartz** , but please don’t let that stop you from offering your kindness in the future. If I were caught in the rain I would gladly share an umbrella (as long as the owner was wearing pants). Now see, I’d be more apt to share if they were NOT wearing pants. Better story to tell. ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2016, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/23 "2016-10-14T21:44:55Z")
[QUOTE=Quartz] I was walking home earlier today - after lunch - when it started raining. I had an umbrella and offered to share it with a lady who had been caught out and was sheltering. And instead of accepting or politely declining she shrank back. How sad it is that a woman feels she cannot share the umbrella of a man. How much sadder it is that she was afraid. [/QUOTE] \*woman I wouldn’t share an umbrella with my own husband, if I had a choice. It’s awkward and potentially uncomfortable, especially if sharing it with a stranger. It looks like none of you gentlemen have been reading [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=806891). Again. Women can’t tell if you mean them harm. This woman was behaving in a manner that has hopefully kept her safe for her whole life. It is not up to you, **Quartz** , to judge her for behaving in this way. Because your offered courtesy is not more important than this woman’s sense of safety. We aren’t choosing to be afraid of men because we want to. We aren’t choosing to be threatened by kind gestures because, how dare men be kind. We are afraid because we have reason to be. Sorry if that hurts your feelings. What are you going to do about it? ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2016, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/24 "2016-10-14T21:57:53Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > Again. Women can’t tell if you mean them harm. This woman was behaving in a manner that has hopefully kept her safe for her whole life. It is not up to you, **Quartz** , to judge her for behaving in this way. Because your offered courtesy is not more important than this woman’s sense of safety. Thank you for articulating that. It is sad that we have to be cautious about things like that, but I’d rather be cautious than groped by a stranger. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2016, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/25 "2016-10-14T21:59:53Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > We aren’t choosing to be afraid of men because we want to. We aren’t choosing to be threatened by kind gestures because, how dare men be kind. We are afraid because we have reason to be. And that’s sad. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2016, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/26 "2016-10-14T22:00:31Z")
[Was it you, or the umbrella that turned her off?](http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uuuploads/creative-umbrellas/creative-umbrellas-4-1.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2016, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/27 "2016-10-14T22:08:39Z")
Were you wearing … clown pants? ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2016, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/28 "2016-10-14T22:24:55Z")
> [@Turpentine](#): > > I’ve seen you make unpleasant, misogynistic posts in the past, and when people on the board have called you out on it, you firmly defend your stance. > > So I don’t doubt that you give off major creep vibes in real life. No wonder she shrank back in terror. The fact that you feel outraged and entitled that she didn’t want to share your umbrella says something about you, too. If you have a problem with another poster based on past posts they’ve made, please take it to the Pit. This is bringing up past history and posts in a thread not about it. If you wish to use it as a way or reason to explain stuff, that’s fine…but please do so in the Pit as things like that (insulting or pile on posts like this) is better suited for that forum. ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2016, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/29 "2016-10-14T23:13:00Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > And that’s sad. OK. [QUOTE=araminty] What are you going to do about it? [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2016, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/30 "2016-10-14T23:50:29Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > What are you going to do about it? Help my nephew to be the sort of man whom women can trust and help my niece to not shrink back from men but to consider them properly. Otherwise, lead by example: I live next to a school, so hopefully if pupils see me offering to share my umbrella they will follow suit. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2016, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/31 "2016-10-15T00:01:05Z")
While I concur with **araminty** ’s comment that it is up to the receiver of an offer for help to determine how acceptable it is, not the person making the offer, there is no reason to decline such an offer by recoiling in horror (unless **Quartz** was not wearing pants - he has not made that clear). The OP expressed that the woman could have been more polite in her declining the umbrella. I think that is where feelings got hurt. I don’t think anyone is arguing that anybody should be more accepting of help men offer, or that women should not judge conservatively offers of help from anyone. I also agree with the post that sharing an umbrella is a bit more intimate than, say, offering them a Kleenex - that needs to be kept in mind by the offerer, to be fair. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2016, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/32 "2016-10-15T00:27:27Z")
This may turn into a long post, but I’m going to lay out for you everything that probably went through that woman’s head in the couple seconds the offer was made and declined. As a 5’3" woman, I won’t share an umbrella with anyone taller than me. It means I’ll get wet, unless that umbrella is 6 feet across. Unless the umbrella is at least golf sized, it’s a guarantee that at least my shoulder and possibly entire side will still get wet. At the very least, I’ll have to brush shoulders with the stranger who’s holding the thing. No thanks. If someone offers to share, well, where are they going? Are they going to walk me all the way to where \*I’m \*going? If not what’s the point, I’m still going to end up wet. And I likely don’t care to have the conversation about where we’re both going. I’ll stay put, thanks. Now, as a woman I can tell you the shrinking back thing wouldn’t happen with me, I’ll be direct and look you in the eye and decline with a smile and a thank you. But - I also extremely likely am carrying on me a knife, pepper spray and a gun. So. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2016, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/33 "2016-10-15T00:54:04Z")
PLUS - you know, she could also just be a very shy person and would have done the same reaction with another woman or child. You don’t know. May have had nothing to do with you being a man. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2016, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/34 "2016-10-15T01:12:42Z")
Maybe she just didn’t want to share an umbrella? I’d rather wait it out than share an umbrella-- it’s always awkward and half the time you get wet anyway. Umbrellas are really single-person devices. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2016, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/35 "2016-10-15T01:38:21Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Maybe she just didn’t want to share an umbrella? I’d rather wait it out than share an umbrella-- it’s always awkward and half the time you get wet anyway. Umbrellas are really single-person devices. I haven’t owned an umbrella in recent memory. If it’s raining I pick up my pace a bit and get wet. I eventually dry. And there’s no worry about taking out a stranger’s eye. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2016, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/36 "2016-10-15T01:53:52Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > I was walking home earlier today - after lunch - when it started raining. I had an umbrella and offered to share it with a lady who had been caught out and was sheltering. And instead of accepting or politely declining she shrank back. How sad it is that a woman feels she cannot share the umbrella of a man. How much sadder it is that she was afraid. Have you ever offered to share your umbrella with a man? mmm ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2016, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/37 "2016-10-15T02:17:15Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Otherwise, lead by example: I live next to a school, so hopefully if pupils see me offering to share my umbrella they will follow suit. This will go well. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2016, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/38 "2016-10-15T04:35:52Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Help my nephew to be the sort of man whom women can trust and help my niece to not shrink back from men but to **consider them properly**. Otherwise, lead by example: I live next to a school, so hopefully if pupils see me offering to share my umbrella they will follow suit. Oh, I see. Women are not considering you properly. Shame on those hussies. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2016, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/39 "2016-10-15T05:16:36Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > And how they got in your undies, you’ll never know. They hatched from the eggs he keeps there. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2016, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526/40 "2016-10-15T06:55:54Z")
Geez, people, _of course_ he was wearing pants! And they matched with his [umbrella hat](https://oldstersview.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/umbrella-hat.jpg) _perfectly_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-short-walk-sadly-spoiled/768526.md?page=3)