A "should I/should I not" question about moving (Caution: Ranty)

In My Humble Opinion
41

I grew up in Chicago but made the decision when I was 26 to pack up and drive out to San Diego. I ditched everything that I couldn’t fit into my compact car. I really had no plan, other than to bum off of a few friends until I found a job and could get back on my feet.

But everything ended up just fine. I’ve been here for over 5 years and I have a good job and nice house in a decent location. It was a big deal for me, leaving behind literally EVERYTHING I knew, but looking back it was the right decision and the right time to do it.

42

I wasn’t going to post until you called out the lurkers. :smiley:

When I was just out of college, I couldn’t find a good job either. I pooted around doing temp work for a year before it finally occurred to me that I was completely unencumbered: no job, no kids, no boyfriend/husband. I could do whatever I wanted!

I sat down and tried to think honestly about what made me happy, and to my surprise, I found weather to be at the top of the list. I also realized that I didn’t want to go *too *far from my family, so when I saw a Newsweek article about growth in Orlando, FL, that was enough for me to make up my mind!

Funnily enough, I thought of my moving to Florida - and I had never been to Florida, didn’t know anyone in Florida, and didn’t have a job lined up - as a temporary little adventure. I expected to live in the sunshine for a couple of years, and then go back “home” to get married and raise kids and start a career.

That was in 1989. Guess where I am now? I love the flatness of the state, I love the palm trees, I love the blue skies and the humidity, and my allergies love the lack of… well, whatever it was in VA that I was so sensitive to.

However difficult and intimidating it is to find a place to live and a job in a new city, just imagine how hard it was BEFORE THE INTERNET. I ended up sending away by mail to get a local paper, and that was all I had to go on.

But it was a really cool adventure, I learned a lot, I took care of myself, and I built a whole life in my chosen state. I shudder to think that I almost didn’t do it!

Also, let me chime in and say that I think waiting almost a year for your friend is fraught with danger; so many things could change, in either of your lives, before then. I vote for do it now, and let her follow!

Good luck. And please keep us internet friends updated!

43

We’ll be expecting you at the next OrlanDopeFest. :wink:

44

Since it’s late and I don’t feel like typing TOO much. I’m probably really gonna do the move regardless of what happens, but I don’t mind waiting for her…even if she bails. I figure I could still do with the extra money I’ll make in those 3 months or so.

45

Yep yep, you should go, if for no other reason than this is you, doing what you want to do. Yes, you have to make sort of a plan. Oh darn! You’ll do fine. It’ll give you something to do, and again, more importantly, something you WANT to do. You won’t regret it. What are you going to miss? Just having a plan and a goal and knowing it’s your own can improve an outlook on life like nothing else.

Just do it. :slight_smile:

46

Hmm, I don’t know. I’m a big traveller - only just home from another year away - and I’ve always said to anyone in a rut to just pack a rucksack and go. But. I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re generally feeling a bit crappy, or having a rough time, or don’t have a job. It can be tough moving to a totally new place where you don’t know anyone, and if you’re not on top form it can get lonely very quickly.

Saying that though, I think you should just definitely go somewhere. Just maybe further afield, and for a set amount of time. You could teach English for a year in Thailand or Japan, for example - many companies require a teaching qualification, but many more don’t - just an easygoing personality and the ability to speak English. Check daveseslcafe.com for example - the whole world is out there!

I taught for two years in Tokyo and it was the best thing I ever did. I was pretty unhappy and shy back then, and it made me come out of my shell. Going away somewhere so different really makes you think about life and what you want out of it, and it’s obviously a big adventure with memories that will last a lifetime.

You could also look into working holidays somewhere like Australia or New Zealand if you’re under 30 and US citizenship is eligible - I did that too. I’d like to stress I’ve always been broke and am from a working class family - but travelling is possible moneywise if you work while you do it. It’s also good to know you’re away for a year or whatever, and not feel pressured to set up a whole new life for yourself. I can’t recommend it enough. (And if you ever get over Irelandwise, let me know and my mates and I will adopt you for a bit :slight_smile: )

47

Well, since there are only 13 bigger in the US it may be difficult to find hundreds of the same size in warmer climates.

48

and only 25 bigger TV markets…

49

They’re tightening up the qualifications in Thailand these days. Cambodia and Vietnam are the happening places these days for short-term English teaching on a whim.

50

Chiming in. Do It! I actually was born and grew up in a LA suburb. LA city proper is definitely large. The county itself is, last I knew, 9 million people. Think gigantic. And no, everyone isn’t rich and living in mansions, driving expensive cars. There are poor, middle of the road, and filthy rich there.

Most of the people who live there now, moved there from someplace else. I absolutely detest what that area has become, because I fondly remember the city I grew up in when it had horses and empty fields, and you could see the cows out back at the dairy.

I packed up a 20’ truck, put my car on a carrier and moved to the Seattle area. I did not have a job or a home to go to. I ended up staying in a Youth Hostel several weeks, and eventually moved in with a co-worker. I started out with a temp agency, and am now at a job I’ve been with since 2001.

Go now…and if you don’t care for where you move, you can always move again, before you get married, etc.

51

This all reminds me of back when I was living in Albuquerque. There was this dive on Central Avenue – away from the university area and closer to downtown – called Jacks Bar or the Two Jacks, something like that. A very film-noir-type of place.

I was sitting there one night and chatting with a couple of pot-bellied middle-aged shlubs who were lamenting the fact they were “stuck” in Albuquerque and couldn’t move anywhere. (Myself, I love Albuquerque, and if I had to be “stuck” somewhere, I wouldn’t mind it too bad, certainly better than West Texas, but never mind.) They worked for the local newspaper as I recall and were ALMOST literally crying in their beer that they weren’t young enough anymore to take a chance and just pick up and leave for parts unknown.

Don’t wait until you become one of those pot-bellied middle-aged shlubs. Go now while you’re still young.

52

I tell ya whats REALLY gonna suck.

I gotta break it off with the significant other. She is gonna be crushed, absolutely crushed. I want desperately to take her with me (for many many reasons, the least of which is “cuz we’re dating”) bit I don’t wanna live with her as my girlfriend, nor do I think she can handle being just friends. I’m still gonna do it (eventually…) and I know it has to be done, but christ I am regretting that talk like I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.

53

I came to LA with no job and very little money, did absolutely no research or planning. It worked out just fine. I love it here. LA is a lot of different things but don’t think just because of all the LA haters in this thread that you couldn’t come here and love it. I fell in love with LA about 10 minutes after I hit town. And don’t overlook what that other poster (too lazy to look & see who) said about 115 in the summer in Phoenix. I would like living in Phoenix for about 5 months of the year but the rest of the time you have to live in air conditioning and never go outside. Sad. Here, we run the AC about 3 times a year and if I weren’t such a pansy we’d probably never run the heat. Saves a lot; bear that in mind when thinking of how expensive a place is. Costs a lot to run AC for 6 months straight morning and night. (My DH wants us to move to Austin when the house sells. I pray every night and day that it never will.)

Sorry for the rant. Just, don’t write off LA. And do make a move; you will never regret it.

54

Aha, the real reason for your hesitation comes to light! I figured it was something like this.

Dude, do it now. You are leading her on and wasting both of your time. If you already know where the relationship is headed, it’s your responsibility to let her know that, too. Time to be an adult and do the unpleasant stuff adults sometimes have to do.

I can’t tell you how many YEARS I’ve wasted because I didn’t have the balls to leave stalled relationships. I knew the relationship was going nowhere, but I kept it on life support anyway because I was too cowardly just to pull the plug. These things can linger for ages, because it’s easy to stay together and hard to break up. Like any major life change, there is never a “right time.” You can put it off forever.

It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to you.

I’ve been where you are.

It wasn’t easy to tell my boyfriend of four years that I was packing up and heading to Africa. I know that was a terrible blow, and he wasn’t going to handle it well. But I knew from the past that the alternative would be doing the same thing for months or years on end, still breaking up in the end, and missing out on all the opportunities we both could have had were we not just staying together out of inertia.

He did have a bad time of it. But we both moved on and built new lives that are a lot more authentic and fulfilling than our lives would have been if we just stayed together because we were too apathetic to break up. If we’d stayed together longer, all that would have happened is that we’d slowly grow to resent each other as we watched our opportunities and youth slip away. And we’d have still broken up in the end. So I had to put a stop to it and finally start doing the things I had been wanting to do for years.

And you know what? We still keep in touch. You have no idea what could happen years from now, do you? Maybe in the future there will be a good time for you guys to be together. But I think you know in your heart that this relationship isn’t going anywhere right now. Nothing good will come of holding on anyway. Time to move on and start creating a future you can believe in.

55

Hesitation on what? Moving?

I said before that I started the thread to get people’s opinions, and that I was never gonna make the move, like, tomorrow or something. I still need to do research, I still need to be positive if I want to choose Phoenix, I would still like to jet out there for an extended weekend or so in the 110 degree heat. I’m not going to make the move until the earliest…November. I just posted the last post more or less in an effort to keep the thread going and hopefully get more reads/opinions.

56

Well, much as I dislike the LA now, I wasn’t implying Sir T “shouldn’t” move there. My point is that I made a drastic move w/o benefit of a job or home to move to. And, I did this in my mid-40’s. Those shlubs lamenting their lives are NOT too old to move :smiley:

57

If you are going to be on the West Coast checking out Phoenix anyway, you might as well check out LA too. If it were me, and I were choosing between the two I would choose LA without question, but then I was born here and I don’t really like Phoenix all that much. But I would steer you toward Santa Fe, if you are looking to move to the Southwest rather than California, and San Diego over LA if you are looking to move to California. (San Diego can be a *wonderful *city, and you really can’t beat the weather. Santa Barbara is nice too if you can look past all the college kids.)

58

I don’t know Phoenix, but if you’re interested in the Southwest, I mentioned I used to live in Albuquerque, and I love the place. Sure, there’s snow in the winter, but winter’s not nearly as harsh as where you are now, and it’s sunshine more than 300 days of the year. Beautiful place, lots of different indigenous cultures. Much cheaper to live in than Santa Fe, but Santa Fe is only an hour’s drive away. If you check out Phoenix, swing by Albuquerque while you’re at it, if you have the chance.

59

Well, the ones I was talking about probably are NOW. I suspect their current address is the graveyard, it was so long ago. :smiley: