# A strange one for the men: If you were a woman...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 19, 2000, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948 "2000-08-19T07:15:24Z")
**Posts on this page:** 17
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/1 "2000-08-19T07:15:24Z")
If you were a woman, and you had a baby, how would you feed that baby? Breast or bottle?
This rather strange question was inspired by an on-line friend of mine, who is in a deep blue funk - the “I Hate Men” variation this time. As part of a conversation about babies, she claimed that men find the whole idea of breastfeeding icky, even if they claim they’re all for it, and if they could have babies they would never do it themselves. I don’t agree, but I’m curious. Honest answers, please.
(For the record, I’m a woman, mother of two, and the baby is getting mamma’s finest right now.)
---
### Author:  [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/2 "2000-08-19T07:38:25Z")
Considering that a few of my cats already attempt to utilize me for that function (they were strays separated from their mother too soon), I’d have to vote yes…
But that is a bit of a strange one…
---
### Author:  [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/3 "2000-08-19T09:27:56Z")
I’d say yes, I’d breast feed 'em–that’s what breasts are biolgically for, after all. Though I’d hope the kid didn’t grab ahold of my beard while I was doing it. (MysterEcks would make a real ugly woman.)
---
### Author:  [@ed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ed)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/4 "2000-08-19T09:38:27Z")
Honestly, I’d at least try it. But again, honestly, if it turned out to be terribly unpleasant I would likely go bottle. I don’t have a problem with people that do either.
---
### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/5 "2000-08-19T09:46:19Z")
I would breast feed them myself. At least for the first month or so. It’s my understanding if the breastfeeder is healthy, this is much better for the baby.
Breast milk has elements you just can’t get from a can 🙂
Plus, the extra plus with lactation is no more waiting for the waiter to bring you cream for your coffee. 😃 (that’s only a joke. The cream is almost always on the table already)
---
### Author:  [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/6 "2000-08-19T09:48:48Z")
I’d be having too much fun squirting people in the street.
Yeah, you can shove that SuperSoaker right up your arse, mate, get a load of the LactaTron-3000.
---
### Author:  [@ed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ed)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/7 "2000-08-19T09:48:59Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Breast milk has elements you just can’t get from a can
What, you mean like public nudity? 😃
_ducks for cover…_
---
### Author:  [@Gregor\_Samsa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gregor_Samsa)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/8 "2000-08-19T12:31:37Z")
Definitely breast milk. Mother Nature set up the system that way for a reason.
I can see sitting around with my buddies bragging about how much milk we produce. “A pint a day?! That’s nuthin’! Kid stuff! Shee-it, man, I’m crankin’ this stuff out like there’s no tomorrow! I’ve been bottlin’ the extra milk and givin’ it to the dog! Must be tough knowing you can’t satisfy your kid, eh?”
---
### Author:  [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/9 "2000-08-19T15:27:52Z")
Men can nurse. They just need to take the right herbs or medications. They have milk ducts. You don’t have to be a wo-man for this sort of thing.
Men can use a bottle.
Thus, we can do both already. Id do both. I don’t want to nurse in public too much, too many funny looks.
---
### Author:  [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/10 "2000-08-19T15:41:25Z")
> [@](#):
>
> **Men can nurse. They just need to take the right herbs or medications. They have milk ducts.**
This needs to be done well before the onset of puberty though. Yes, males do have mammary glands, but their development ceases before puburty kicks in. So, something would need to be taken to for that development to continue past puberty.
---
### Author:  [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/11 "2000-08-19T18:05:24Z")
I’d breast feed. I’ve roleplayed a couple of female characters, so I’ve given this some thought before actually.
---
### Author:  [@Archer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archer)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/12 "2000-08-19T22:16:13Z")
Breast feed, that’s what the things are for. And I disagree with Ed on the public nudity issue, it doesn’t make sense to call a breastfeeding woman nude and some fat slob guy without a shirt dressed.
---
### Author:  [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2000, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/13 "2000-08-19T22:48:57Z")
I’d at least try it, like some others have said. I don’t think breastfeeding itself is icky per se, but doing it in public _is_. It doesn’t gross me out really, it just makes me feel some deep emotion I can’t identify. Maybe because it seems vaguely animalistic. I know in some societies public breastfeeding is a common sight, but not the one I live in. I guess I’ll chalk my attitudfe up as provincialism.
---
### Author:  [@ed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ed)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2000, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/14 "2000-08-20T00:13:54Z")
Hey, I was only kidding on the nudity thing. Breast feeding in public certainly doesn’t bother me. Just my attempt to point out that it’s ‘one of the things you don’t get from a can’ for what it’s worth: the opportunity to expose yourself. 🙂
---
### Author:  [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2000, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/15 "2000-08-20T15:41:56Z")
ed, I don’t know about you, but milk-cannon woman mammaries don’t look very erotic to me. But then I never got breast fed.
---
### Author:  [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2000, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/16 "2000-08-20T15:44:39Z")
> [@](#):
>
> A strange one for the men: If you were a woman…
I’d be a lesbian! Woooohoo!
---
### Author:  [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2000, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-strange-one-for-the-men-if-you-were-a-woman/29948/17 "2000-08-20T20:05:08Z")
Hmm…
While they’re screaming at the top of their lungs:[ul][li]Get up in the middle of the night[/li][li]Clean and sterilize the bottles[/li][li]Mix the formula, getting it _just right_[/li][li]Heat the water and warm the formula[/li][li]Test the formula’s temperature[/li][li]Cool it back down/warm it back up until it’s _just right_[/li][li]Clean and sterilize the bottles all over again[/li][li]repeat, for a year or two[/ul]or:[ul][\*]Heft a boob into their mouth[/li][li]“Don’t worry, it’s just a clogged duct. I’ll work it out.”[/ul][/li]
Now, which one sounds like most guys _you_ know? 😃