# A Summoning.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 11, 2006, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994 "2006-11-11T10:15:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shai\_tan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Shai\_tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shai_tan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/1 "2006-11-11T10:15:20Z")
Some of you know that I am a Magician by trade. But few know that I’ve been dabbling in the true Dark Arts. What’s that you say? No _real_ magic? Bah, what the hell would you know? I know that there are a few true believers on the Dope, and I invite you to participate in my **Summoning Spell**. As far as I know, this has never been attempted on the SDMB (or anywhere on the net for that matter). I don’t really want the _non-believers_ to know what I’m trying to accomplish with this Summoning (might spoil it… you know… like telling your birthday wish). Besides, they don’t believe, and likely won’t even be able to see what or Who we summon. But those of you who are familiar with the nefarious workings of these dark arts will know the desired outcome and are free to help with the details. This is definately **not** a one man job! First we need to put on the music. There’s gonna be dancing later. This Summoning uses the “mushroom dance” from Fantasia doesn’t it? Yeah, pretty sure. Oh here: Tchaikovsky’s “Dance of the Sugar Plums”. Got it. 'Course the “mushroom dance” can only be done in boxer shorts and combat boots. No, those Dr. Martin’s don’t qualify. Gotta be real combat boots. Strip down everyone. Let’s see those Fruit of the Looms. Now the chalk outline. Let’s see… about 12 feet across. Yep. That should do it. Hold on, I gotta go find an empty Yoohoo bottle and some Jelly Bellies. Be right back… ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/2 "2006-11-11T16:13:51Z")
:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/3 "2006-11-11T16:20:08Z")
Count me in! I’m always up for a good summoning. Is this going to be a _catch and release_ deal, or a _capture_ operation? Let me know so I can get the requisite _you know what…_ ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/4 "2006-11-11T16:35:08Z")
Y’know, trying to picture The Dark One spinning a pirouette to _Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies_ is rather amusing. Lews Therin would shake his head in disgust just before be bitch-slaps him. ---
**Author:** ![Shai\_tan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Shai\_tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shai_tan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/5 "2006-11-11T16:44:47Z")
It’d be closer to catch and release. I doubt we’ll get the requisite numbers to hold 'em for long… Okay. I’ve got the empty Yoohoo bottle (vile stuff isn’t it?) and the Jelly Bellies. Can’t really use them at this point, but I have them ready for the second phase. Anyone have access to the neccessary livestock? I can’t really get anything remotely appropriate here in town… Let’s see, I got a variety of memorabilia from the 60’s. Gotta be something in here that will help. You think a calendar from '63 will work, or would I need one for the other nine years too? (I’ve never attempted a summoning of this magnitude. Wouldn’t wanna do it half-assed would we?) ---
**Author:** ![Shai\_tan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Shai\_tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shai_tan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/6 "2006-11-11T16:51:27Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] Y’know, trying to picture The Dark One spinning a pirouette to _Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies_ is rather amusing. [/QUOTE] I’ve done it many a time. My last roomate found it _very_ amusing. Don’t know if it was the dancing or the combat boots… ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/7 "2006-11-11T16:53:12Z")
Still so close to Halloween. Damn. Can’t find a live goat to save my life. Same goes for chickens. So, it’s either gonna have to be a frozen turkey, or this stuffed novelty armidillo I got in Nacogdoches. What do you think? I don’t think it will matter if we stick to a catch and release approach. Let me know. ---
**Author:** ![Shai\_tan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Shai\_tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shai_tan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/8 "2006-11-11T17:01:28Z")
Damn. If no one else can come up with a live goat (ooooh… oooh! Or a sheep! Is Hal around?) then I vote for the frozen turkey. If anything, he might show just to laugh at us. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/9 "2006-11-11T18:06:43Z")
I have a Cat With The Rips™. A _Black_ Cat With The Rips™. Will that do? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/10 "2006-11-11T18:12:15Z")
Any call for squid? We’ve got plenty in the Initiation Anteroom aquarium. I think the goat has the month off, though. Labor laws, y’know. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/11 "2006-11-11T18:16:03Z")
> [@Shai'tan](#): > > You think a calendar from '63 will work, or would I need one for the other nine years too? I have a teatowel with a calendar from 1975. Will that be okay? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/12 "2006-11-11T18:20:31Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] I have a teatowel with a calendar from 1975. Will that be okay? [/QUOTE] …and I’ve got “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain & Tennille on 8-track. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/13 "2006-11-11T18:25:38Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] …and I’ve got “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain & Tennille on 8-track. [/QUOTE] You can hire them to perform live for a pack of smokes and a Happy Meal. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/14 "2006-11-11T18:31:42Z")
Freakin’ amateurs. Chicken? Frozen Turkey? Find thee a white bull, free of flaw. With thy lead bowl catch thee the blood as it does flow from the neck, draw thee thy pentagram and circle symbols mystic with a brush made from the whiskers of a black cat caught at midnight on the darkest moon. Also, no music… Rhythmic chanting with the leader intoning the spell. Always works for me, anyway. Half-ass it and you’re going to end up with a pathetic little imp with only 6 fingers on one hand or something… ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/15 "2006-11-11T18:35:43Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] …and I’ve got “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain & Tennille on 8-track. [/QUOTE] Man, that is evil and twisted! I am fearful of what might be summoned and I must ask you all to please refrain. **Shai’tan** might be attempting to summon the ‘Demon Richard Simmons’. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/16 "2006-11-11T18:36:54Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] I am fearful of what might be summoned and I must ask you all to please refrain. **Shai’tan** might be attempting to summon the ‘Demon Richard Simmons’. [/QUOTE] Or worse. The Disco Duck. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/17 "2006-11-11T18:39:16Z")
Or worse… …well, don’t even ask what the Demon Richard Simmons is doing to the Disco Duck. When you all need someone to save your arses, I’ll be over here with the rifle and the rock salt, kay? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/18 "2006-11-11T18:40:43Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] Or worse. The Disco Duck. [/QUOTE] \*:;:Shuddering:;: \* I thought of it and I was too fearful to put his name in writing. The Horror, The Horror. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/19 "2006-11-11T18:44:12Z")
I saw \*\*The Prestige \*\* so I know houw you do it. Oh those poor dead canaries. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2006, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994/20 "2006-11-11T18:48:55Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia] Or worse… …well, don’t even ask what the Demon Richard Simmons is doing to the Disco Duck. When you all need someone to save your arses, I’ll be over here with the rifle and the rock salt, kay? [/QUOTE] Wait, I thought for purposes of these threads you were a minor diety of some sort? Can’t you supply something better then a rifle and rock salt? Isn’t **Kythereia** an aspect of Venus? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-summoning/379994.md?page=2)