# A "talent/no talent" show
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [February 20, 2013, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908 "2013-02-20T21:36:57Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [February 20, 2013, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/1 "2013-02-20T21:36:57Z")
I’m going to participate in a "talent/no talent? show on March 2, and have no idea what to do. For obvious reasons, I’ll be in the “no talent” part, so it has to be something I can prepare in 10 days or less. No musical instruments or singing. Any ideas?
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### Author:  [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)
#### Post date: [February 20, 2013, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/2 "2013-02-20T21:44:09Z")
You could just stand and call yourself “Unfalling Man!”.
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### Author:  [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)
#### Post date: [February 20, 2013, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/3 "2013-02-20T21:54:13Z")
You could recite a poem. If you are the type who’s willing to really ham it up, try doing an imitation of Shel Silverstein reading his poem [“Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out”.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRlbll5O0rg)
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### Author:  [@FrankJBN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrankJBN)
#### Post date: [February 20, 2013, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/4 "2013-02-20T22:20:44Z")
I shouold think if you want to demonstrate no talent, preparation is the wrong way to go.
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### Author:  [@TommyTutone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TommyTutone)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/5 "2013-02-21T12:34:10Z")
The first thing I think of is The Popsicle Twins, maybe you can find someone to join you to recreate it?
[![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/tDxDYIQL6Nc/hqdefault.jpg "Gong Show: The Popsicle Twins (aka "Have You Got A Nickle?")") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDxDYIQL6Nc)
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### Author:  [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/6 "2013-02-21T13:51:31Z")
Learn to say the alphabet backwards. You can do it in a few hours and it’s sure to impress.
mmm
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### Author:  [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/7 "2013-02-21T17:10:59Z")
Steve Allen got laughs by doing dramatic readings of pop song lyrics. No talent needed.
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### Author:  [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/8 "2013-02-21T17:32:01Z")
Clumsy juggler?
Be sure to use something like bean bags, not knives and/or bowling balls.
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### Author:  [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/9 "2013-02-21T18:10:20Z")
> [@Shoeless](#):
>
> Clumsy juggler?
>
> Be sure to use something like bean bags, not knives and/or bowling balls.
Yes. FLAMING bean bags!
I think it’d be pretty funny to get one of those flaming batons, light it on fire, and just stand there.
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### Author:  [@kath94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kath94)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/10 "2013-02-21T18:34:44Z")
> [@xizor](#):
>
> Steve Allen got laughs by doing dramatic readings of pop song lyrics. No talent needed.
I love this idea. Especially when you think of the inanity of some pop song lyrics.
Example, Beach Boys: “I’m a real cool head. I’m making lots of bread.”
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### Author:  [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/11 "2013-02-21T18:53:14Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#):
>
> I think it’d be pretty funny to get one of those flaming batons, light it on fire, and just stand there.
This. 🆒
Or, you could get a few balls, bounce them off the floor, and say that the floor is your juggling partner.
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### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/12 "2013-02-21T18:57:15Z")
A badly done impressionist act, with requests from the audience, is a sure winner.
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### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/13 "2013-02-21T19:05:58Z")
> [@xizor](#):
>
> Steve Allen got laughs by doing dramatic readings of pop song lyrics. No talent needed.
You could do your impression of William Shatner’s impression of Rocket Man.
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### Author:  [@tullsterx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tullsterx)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/14 "2013-02-21T19:31:46Z")
I vote for the poetic recitation of some pop song. . . I’m thinking “Call Me Maybe” would be a good one and keep it deadly serious. That might be funny.
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### Author:  [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/15 "2013-02-21T20:32:15Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#):
>
> Yes. FLAMING bean bags!
>
> I think it’d be pretty funny to get one of those flaming batons, light it on fire, and just stand there.
Needs more setup.
Wheel a cart or wheelbarrow onto the stage with a pile of stuff in it. Silently set up a folding table and make a production of neatly arraying items on it–flame batons, torches, knives, an ignition source (maybe a spirit lamp), a rubber chicken, and a dead fish. Set several buckets of water and/or sand around. Pretend to listen to someone offstage, then nod and pull out a first aid kit as well. Carefully light the lamp, and look out at the audience.
“Now, I’d like a volunteer from the audience. Preferably one who can actually juggle.”
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### Author:  [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/16 "2013-02-21T22:22:03Z")
The “poetic recitation of a pop song” idea is great. It could be screamingly funny. You might even win the talent part.
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### Author:  [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2013, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/17 "2013-02-21T23:03:53Z")
> [@Balance](#):
>
> Needs more setup.
>
> Wheel a cart or wheelbarrow onto the stage with a pile of stuff in it. Silently set up a folding table and make a production of neatly arraying items on it–flame batons, torches, knives, an ignition source (maybe a spirit lamp), a rubber chicken, and a dead fish. Set several buckets of water and/or sand around. Pretend to listen to someone offstage, then nod and pull out a first aid kit as well. Carefully light the lamp, and look out at the audience.
>
> “Now, I’d like a volunteer from the audience. Preferably one who can actually juggle.”
Love it!
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [February 22, 2013, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/18 "2013-02-22T10:01:28Z")
> [@xizor](#):
>
> Steve Allen got laughs by doing dramatic readings of pop song lyrics. No talent needed.
So far, I think I’m going with this.
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### Author:  [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)
#### Post date: [February 22, 2013, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/19 "2013-02-22T13:04:50Z")
> [@xizor](#):
>
> Steve Allen got laughs by doing dramatic readings of pop song lyrics. No talent needed.
> [@panache45](#):
>
> So far, I think I’m going with this.
Do this but use a stuffed animal as a ventriloquist’s dummy to recite the song. Hold the “dummy” in your arms and move its hands, feet and head, but otherwise make no effort to use a different voice or not move your lips. With a big, goofy-looking stuffed toy, this could be absolutely hilarious and might accidentally kick you into the talent group. Make it a very sad song so the doll can break down sobbing during the recitation.
Okay. I really want to see this. Needs to go on YouTube.
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### Author:  [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)
#### Post date: [February 22, 2013, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-talent-no-talent-show/650908/20 "2013-02-22T13:52:18Z")
I am a [Mime](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJJWD-xevPU). My body is my tool.
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