# A teenager doesn't know how to cut up her own food **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 26, 2012, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146 "2012-12-26T02:41:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/181 "2012-12-28T15:30:09Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > People tend to speak in absolutes in threads like this; reality is generally more accommodating, at least in my house, but there’s a difference between being flexible and being a doormat. > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > I’m not a ‘eat it or starve’ kind of parent, but I understand the mindset because I have my limits for the picky eating stuff, so I’m going to try to answer. > > I don’t eat what I don’t want to eat, because I am an adult who can make my own decisions. When I was a kid, my mom had a ‘just try it’ attitude about food. That made me try a lot of things I didn’t like, but it also helped me to be a bit more adventurous in my eating. I can go try different foods from different cultures and not gag. Even though I don’t like meat, one of my favorite memories is eating some goat for an African friend who was eager to share his family’s meal with me. So, even though I am an adult now, who can make my own choices, I was molded as a child by my mom to be who I am today as an adult. That’s what parents do. Guide and mold and make the rules. I agree with the “Try at least three bites” idea, that always worked for me. I am a very adventerous eater despite being forced to eat foods I didn’t like as a kid. It was actually only meat and meat products that made me sick, but my family members are virtual carnivores who really never have understood how someone else may not care for foods they love. I had wonderful parents, but they really missed the boat on this issue. So yeah, I get that a kid who has shown the ability to digest green beans should be strongly encouraged to eat green beans when they are presented, but forcing kids to clean a plate or swallow something which gags them just sounds like abuse to me. And I can only share my own experience, but I was very underweight as a child, and it was because I was not offered food I _would_ eat unless I ate the meat on my plate. Which was damn near impossible. At least in my case, an eating disorder was created by the “eat it or starve”. And picking at my food was a stalling mechanism, and not one designed to deliberately piss off my dad or onlookers. The last thing I wanted was to draw more attention to my plate. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/182 "2012-12-28T15:33:59Z")
Well, I don’t know why I’m acting like an expert. I didn’t have no problem eating as a child. My chunky ass wanted my peas and everybody else’s peas too. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/183 "2012-12-28T15:36:00Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > In my experience, I’ve never seen a child that would not make their back up dinner if they were consistently taught that was an option. I have. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/184 "2012-12-28T18:14:03Z")
I was a picky eater as a child, but was never forced to eat anything. My mother didn’t prepare me a separate meal, but she would allow me to make my own dinner, if I chose. Today I’m open minded about food, and will try food from other cultures, with the exception of raw fish or meats. That just doesn’t seem safe to me. My husband, on the other hand, was forced to eat all of his food. If he didn’t eat it by the time everyone else was finished, he was put on a timer. If he didn’t eat it by the end of the 20 minute cycle, he was sent to his room. The next morning, it was served to him for breakfast. Not surprisingly, today he is not very adventurous with foods. Oh, and he gets nauseated smelling green beans, as he was forced to eat them cold for breakfast one time too many. That’s what having a psychotic mother forcing food down your throat will do to you. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/185 "2012-12-28T18:53:08Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I do when someone else makes it. But I do take your point, which is that there are just some foods that ya don’t like. Which is why, in my home, you’re free to make yourself a PB&J with a few baby carrots on the side or something similar. Protein, fiber, veggie, and we’re good. If you’re teaching them nutrition as you go, 4 year olds can manage to throw together an acceptable “meal” for themselves. And if they can’t be bothered to do that, then we’re not really talking about a picky eater - there’s some other issue going on - control, attention, stomach ache, something. Then it’s that other something that needs to be addressed. > > And if you’re really just not into food tonight, then sure, go hungry. Occasional short term fasting never hurt a healthy person. > > Do I generally try to make what people in my house like? Sure I do. 'Cause I love them, and it makes me happy to see them liking what’s for dinner. Does that mean I limit my menu to the same six items over and over? No way. Best way to expand your tastes it to try new foods. So our rule is that you try three bites (the first one being a “hold your nose and gulp it down” bite, generally…it’s only by the third bite that you’re forming an actual informed opinion, in my experience) and if it’s not your thing, then it’s not your thing. And even the three bites thing is flexible - if the smell or first bite literally makes you gag, then don’t bother, for both our sakes. I’m not into cleaning up table puke. > > What I refuse to do is the short-order cook nonsense. I’m not making separate dinners for everyone. I don’t do the “sit at the table and stare at the congealing stew until you cry” thing. I never force a person to eat, 'cause I think that’s a recipe for power struggles, creates picky eaters and maybe even eating disorders. But if you don’t like the stew, you know where the pantry is. > > And this includes the grownups. My husband doesn’t like broccoli. When I want broccoli with dinner, I make broccoli, and give him a heads up so he can get a can of green beans ready if he wants. And sometimes I’ll make a nasty gross can of green beans as the dinner’s veg, 'cause I know he likes it, and I’ll make myself a side salad and take only a small portion of the green beans. > > People tend to speak in absolutes in threads like this; reality is generally more accommodating, at least in my house, but there’s a difference between being flexible and being a doormat. > > (Guests, of course, are another matter. If you let me know what you like/don’t like, I’ll bend over backwards and drive 20 miles to get you the perfect locally grown cage free organic grass fed rutabaga.) This, nicely stated. My mother wasn’t a tyrant trying to torture us kids. We all liked different things and they got rotated into the meal plan. Although, come to think of it, brussel sprouts somehow got voted off the island when I was about 5. I hated those things. I’ll eat them when other people make them but rarely do they taste like anything other than bitter caustic vegetables from hell. I use to cut them up and mix them with something that masked the taste. But the idea of my mother as a short order cook would have elicited much laughter from both parents. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/186 "2012-12-28T19:24:41Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > You sound confused. I brought up starving Africans in \*response \*to Sven’s statement, > > \*\*“In reality, people in food-poor areas have a predictably limited range of food they are familiar with, and are pretty easily disgusted by food outside of their comfort zone…” > \*\* > > And she said THAT in response to her own example: > > \*\* “all those people who say “people who are truly starving would not be picky eaters” are laughably wrong.”\*\* > > She stated that as if hungry Africans would turn their noses up at foods outside of their comfort zone if they didn’t have a choice. And I corrected her; no they wouldn’t turn their noses up if they didn’t have a choice. They would eat the damn Plumpy nut, despite it being something different than they are used to. > > My post was quite clear that I was happy to cook my kid foods that she liked. I had no problem with her not eating peas, I cooked her spinach instead because she loved it. If she would have gotten too cute and start treating me like a vending machine/personal waiter/chef, I would snatch her back into reality and tell her she will eat what I’ve served her or she can be excused. That’s a little something I like to call excellent parenting; I’m not surprised she’s turning out to be an awesome kid. > > If you aren’t really going to read my posts in context, instead of pretending I implied that starving kids in Africa are a reason to force feed kids then I won’t be surprised to see another post from you beginning with a shrill, ‘Soooo???’ I think what **sven** was trying to say is that given the option to try other foods, some of these kids might be reluctant to venture out of their comfort zones. If all you’ve ever eaten is say, porridge and beets, then anything else is going to be really strange. You’d be like, “this tastes funny!” They might not even LIKE porridge and beets, but they still might be afraid to eat something else. Human beings aren’t always logical. HOWEVER, that’s the point – they don’t have a choice. Literally. It’s not like, “eat your peas or you go to your room”, it’s “eat your peas, or you starve”. Because peas may be all you have. Some people don’t have the luxury of eating food they like. We, however, do, so bringing up people living in the third world really doesn’t make for a good argument. Their situation is completely different. > [@WhyNot](#): > > What I refuse to do is the short-order cook nonsense. I’m not making separate dinners for everyone. I don’t do the “sit at the table and stare at the congealing stew until you cry” thing. I never force a person to eat, 'cause I think that’s a recipe for power struggles, creates picky eaters and maybe even eating disorders. My grandfather did exactly this – and anything you didn’t eat then you ate for breakfast. As a result, my dad had a weight problem as a kid. My mother was made to eat a lot of food that DID end up making her sick. (My grandmother used to make a LOT of fried, greasy, fatty foods) So this kind of thing tends to make me a little wary. I never had to do the “clean your plate”, but I had to eat stuff I didn’t like. There were really only things I wouldn’t eat as a kid: meat loaf, chilli, and stuffed peppers. My mother only made me eat a small portion, but I still ate it, and pretty slowly. (Of the three, I actually really like chilli now. I still can’t stand the others) ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/187 "2012-12-28T20:02:00Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > So what do you do when they refuse to get something else from the pantry themselves? I ask if they’re feeling okay (stomach ache rule out), I ask them to tell me something funny or awful that happened at school today (attention rule out), I ask if anything’s on their mind or if they’d like a different fork (control rule out) and then I eat my dinner. Kids have absolute control of just two things in their life: what goes in and where it comes out. Creating drama over food and toilet training are losing battles, always. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/188 "2012-12-28T20:44:19Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I ask if they’re feeling okay (stomach ache rule out), I ask them to tell me something funny or awful that happened at school today (attention rule out), I ask if anything’s on their mind or if they’d like a different fork (control rule out) and then I eat my dinner. They demand that you make them something else and if you ignore them they scream and cry at the table. Now what? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/189 "2012-12-28T21:00:01Z")
If they won’t fix their own food they deserve to die! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/190 "2012-12-28T21:18:49Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > They demand that you make them something else and if you ignore them they scream and cry at the table. Now what? No idea. It’s literally never happened to me. If it did, I think I’d be making a trip to the ER to rule out drugs or seizure, because it would be that strange for a child in my care to do something like that. Not that I’m Super-Mom/Nanny or anything, but that’s just never even come close to happening. Theoretically, I guess I’d suggest that if they’re not going to sit well at the table, then they can go spend some time in [whatever the most boring room in the house is] until we’re done. But then you’re going to ask me what I do when they refuse, or start screaming, and, again…it’s just never happened, so I don’t know what I’d do next. If I can get them to stay in a safe spot, I guess I’d let them scream until they screamed themselves out and then try to get them to talk about WTF that was all about. There’s really just no reasoning with someone in hysterics. My own kids are pretty easygoing (well, my daughter has a real stubborn streak, but if you can manipulate her into thinking something is her idea, she’s good.) I’ve worked with some little hellions, including kids with ODD, Sensory Integration issues and Autism, but none of them acted out like that around food. A couple of petulant kicks at the table leg, which I just ignore or give The Eyebrow to, that’s about it. My heart really does go out to those parents dealing with the sort of thing you’re describing. I will say that every time I’ve \*observed \*something like that happening, it’s been the parent’s handling of the situation that either initiated or accelerated the melt-down, though. Which is not to say I’m blaming the parents, but suggesting they need some new strategies to make things work better for everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/191 "2012-12-28T21:23:21Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > They demand that you make them something else and if you ignore them they scream and cry at the table. Now what? [oh that’s easy](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFgR0m-9FmM). Seriously, how many times are you going to re-post this question with a different scenario? “child holds a 1862 gatling gun to your head because you won’t make eggs benedict, Now What”? OK, NOW you can cater to their every demands. Otherwise it’s like any other tantrum and should be dealt as such. ---
**Author:** ![rogerbox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/76d3ee/32.png) [@rogerbox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rogerbox)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/192 "2012-12-28T21:57:50Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Not surprisingly, today he is not very adventurous with foods. Oh, and he gets nauseated smelling green beans, as he was forced to eat them cold for breakfast one time too many. That’s what having a psychotic mother forcing food down your throat will do to you. My grandmother wasn’t psychotic in general, but one night she made the most revolting frozen vegetables I’ve ever eaten. I was maybe 6 or so. I ate the main portion of my food and was already full (adults cannot seem to understand children cannot eat as much as they do for some reason). I was made to sit at the table, while gorged with food, until I finished my now cold vegetables. I was beyond full and picked at them over the course of maybe 30 minutes. Eventually my grandmother was force-feeding them to me and beyond enraged. I vomited up the vegetables onto the plate, and she claimed I did it to “get out of it” and tried to feed me the still un-digested vegetables from the vomit. All I learned that day, was that I wouldn’t throw a big fit when kids say they are full. You’re not them, you can’t know what their stomach feels like. I’m an adventurous eater now, but I don’t think that has to do with anything. Other than that day I never had an issue like that, so I think my Grandma was stressed over something and snapped on me, there was no systematic abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/193 "2012-12-28T22:48:03Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > No idea. It’s literally never happened to me. If it did, I think I’d be making a trip to the ER to rule out drugs or seizure, because it would be that strange for a child in my care to do something like that. Not that I’m Super-Mom/Nanny or anything, but that’s just never even come close to happening. > > Theoretically, I guess I’d suggest that if they’re not going to sit well at the table, then they can go spend some time in [whatever the most boring room in the house is] until we’re done. But then you’re going to ask me what I do when they refuse, or start screaming, and, again…it’s just never happened, so I don’t know what I’d do next. If I can get them to stay in a safe spot, I guess I’d let them scream until they screamed themselves out and then try to get them to talk about WTF that was all about. There’s really just no reasoning with someone in hysterics. > > My own kids are pretty easygoing (well, my daughter has a real stubborn streak, but if you can manipulate her into thinking something is her idea, she’s good.) I’ve worked with some little hellions, including kids with ODD, Sensory Integration issues and Autism, but none of them acted out like that around food. A couple of petulant kicks at the table leg, which I just ignore or give The Eyebrow to, that’s about it. > > My heart really does go out to those parents dealing with the sort of thing you’re describing. I will say that every time I’ve \*observed \*something like that happening, it’s been the parent’s handling of the situation that either initiated or accelerated the melt-down, though. Which is not to say I’m blaming the parents, but suggesting they need some new strategies to make things work better for everyone. Damn, you’s a diplomatic muthashutyomouf. Rogerbox, I had a similar incident. I was at a chinese restaurant with my mom and dad that we always used to sneak and go to behind my siblings backs and I always used to bring my McDonalds in with me. My dad thought it was time for me to step it up so he pressured me to try his egg foo young and I was such a daddy’s girl, that when I saw him getting frustrated, I rushed to try to please him and I tried it. Bad idea. I brought it back up all over the booth. My dad learned a powerful lesson that day, let me tell you. For the record, I love egg foo young now. ---
**Author:** ![gunnergoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e95f7d/32.png) [@gunnergoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gunnergoz)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/194 "2012-12-28T23:14:05Z")
I’ve met a number of women in my life who found early on that playing helpless and clueless meant that they could get others to do a lot of things for them. It is simple manipulation. It can also grow into a general anger at being incompetent and blaming others if they do not do the things for them that they say they cannot do themselves, the exact way they want them done. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/195 "2012-12-28T23:48:05Z")
> [@rogerbox](#): > > Eventually my grandmother was force-feeding them to me and beyond enraged. > > I vomited up the vegetables onto the plate, and she claimed I did it to “get out of it” and tried to feed me the still un-digested vegetables from the vomit. O…K… Well the people with NORMAL parents just went to bed without dessert. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2012, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/196 "2012-12-29T00:00:32Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > O…K… Well the people with NORMAL parents just went to bed without dessert. What is this “dessert” you speak of? ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2012, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/197 "2012-12-29T00:24:12Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > What is this “dessert” you speak of? Your mom didn’t make homemade pies, cakes and other yummy things? In my generation (geezer alert) we played outside and burned lots of calories. We would have wasted away without it. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2012, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/198 "2012-12-29T00:34:12Z")
> [@gunnergoz](#): > > I’ve met a number of women in my life who found early on that playing helpless and clueless meant that they could get others to do a lot of things for them. It is simple manipulation. It can also grow into a general anger at being incompetent and blaming others if they do not do the things for them that they say they cannot do themselves, the exact way they want them done. She turned you down huh? Bummer. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/199 "2012-12-29T00:35:55Z")
Mine was – if you don’t finish (food you don’t like) you don’t get to watch tv or something like that. Funny, it was usually some kind of meat or casserole. I loved veggies as a kid. How many kids claim spinach as one of their favorite foods? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146/200 "2012-12-29T00:46:57Z")
I’m such a tyrant…if you don’t eat “enough” of your dinner (and that is left deliberately vague and up to Mom’s Discretion, because otherwise my daughter will lawyer me down to the individual grain of rice), then your dessert is fruit. Otherwise, there may be ice cream or pudding or even, occasionally, cupcakes. Not every night, but unpredictably. Operant conditioning with an intermittent reward schedule, I think they call it when you do it to rats in cages. I hide behind the logic of nutrition: we mostly eat healthy in order to keep our bodies strong enough to deal with the occasional cupcake or Big Mac. You didn’t eat enough vitamins and minerals to keep your body strong enough today, so if you’d like something sweet, it’s fruit for you. Such torture. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-teenager-doesnt-know-how-to-cut-up-her-own-food/645146.md?page=11)