# A thanksgiving tale of Whoa, or now it can be toll'd (tmi) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 6, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987 "2002-12-06T18:58:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/1 "2002-12-06T18:58:24Z")
I’m always being told by the wife that I have huge testes. This, of course, isn’t true in anything like the ordinary sense of the word “huge”, but I’ll admit to having a large and rather, er, pendulous scrotal sack. Containing testes of what I assume to be normal size, never having intimately examined any other than my own. Flashback a week and change. We’ve all just finished eating a rather sumptuous Thanksgiving dinner,-er- lunch. Whole family sitting around Mom’s living room and relaxing, full bellies and a warm glow from some nice wine. Having indulged in such a meal, I naturally feel the need to go visit the bathroom/library. I grab my palm pilot, sneak off to the bathroom, and prepare for some quiet alone time, playing Freecell. I have just gotten seated and I drop the stylus to my palm pilot- Happily it doesn’t head right for a drain or under a cabinet, it’s just ahead of me, and as I lean down to pick it up, I **DIP MY BALLS INTO THE TOILET WATER ICK! ICK! ICK! ICK!** Now, at this time I find myself, in the true spirit of thanksgiving, being thankful for two very important things: Not having started my business, and being at moms. As I had not started my business, there was nothing in the bowl to obstruct my impromptu dunking, and as it was mom’s, I could safely assume the toilet to be sanitary to the point of sterility. Whatever the case, I still stripped down and got myself into the shower immediately. Gross!! So now I can’t say a word to the wife when she claims I have large testes; even though it’s still merely a question, as a girlfriend once told me, of “having enough skin to make a normal scrotum and a really nice handbag besides” Took me till today to have the, er, balls to tell this tale. You may now proceed to your regularly scheduled life. b. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/2 "2002-12-06T19:04:37Z")
So gravity and your scrotum are engaged in a sack race? ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/3 "2002-12-06T19:10:22Z")
\ ---
**Author:** ![Carcosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@Carcosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carcosa)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/4 "2002-12-06T19:20:02Z")
I foresee a really heinous zipper story in your future. ---
**Author:** ![headshok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@headshok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/headshok)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/5 "2002-12-06T19:22:25Z")
\I’m gonna dip my balls in it!\ ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/6 "2002-12-06T19:22:43Z")
So that’s how tea bagging originated. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/7 "2002-12-06T19:26:35Z")
“Some balls are held for charity And some for fancy dress But when they’re held for pleasure They’re the balls that I like best My balls are always bouncing To the left and to the right It’s my belief that my big ball Should be held every night” ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/8 "2002-12-06T19:27:28Z")
It’s a wonderful story, and I’d love to see your sack, but gosh…it just doesn’t seem as gross as you make it out to be. Had you peed in said water? If not, it’s just…water… A shower seems unnecessary. But seriously, congrats on the huge sack. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/9 "2002-12-06T19:29:47Z")
“But seriously, congrats on the huge sack.” Seriously jar, you should apply at Hallmark. ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/10 "2002-12-06T19:32:57Z")
Billy, when you get a little older you are going to have to sling them over the edge of the toilet seat. ---
**Author:** ![Siemsi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Siemsi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siemsi)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/11 "2002-12-06T19:35:03Z")
I’m laughing my ass off right now out loud!!! \*\*\* what to tell the coworkers?!?!!?!\*\*\* Thanks for the laugh. So sorry your twins got dunked. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/12 "2002-12-06T19:35:14Z")
If you had a stick you could hang 'em on it would look like you’re running away from home. ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/13 "2002-12-06T19:45:21Z")
No pee. No germs, probably, the way mom cleans. It’s just the thought that grosses me out. And having some of those Joan Crawford genes myself, I’m creeped out by the most mundane things. And I shower three times every bloody day anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal. And SV, this is not a recent development, nor are they “growing”, they’ve been this size for, oh, my whole adult life. I don’t suspect they’ll be more of a problem someday- though I can see me having to get a handicapped size toilet. Probably as long as I sit upright I’ll be OK. b. ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/14 "2002-12-06T19:48:05Z")
Dang! I almost completely forgot about the OP! “Whoa! I dunked my balls in the toilet water!” “Ask not for whom the ball tolls, it tolls for thee” b. (Just thought I’d clear that up.) ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/15 "2002-12-06T19:51:37Z")
Well, in a contradictory event, just two weeks ago I set my pubic hair alight while sitting on the toilet and trying to light a candle at the same time…so… let’s be careful out there kids. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/16 "2002-12-06T19:53:14Z")
Candle my ass. ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/17 "2002-12-06T19:56:16Z")
Jar, did you make [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=133633) face? And lieu, is that an invitation? b. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/18 "2002-12-06T19:56:29Z")
Where was this candle? :eek: _tries to picture it, decides she’ll need to try it at home to truly understand_ ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/19 "2002-12-06T20:06:17Z")
I’ve never tried to light a fart whilst sitting on the shitter before. I wonder if that’s how Goddard got his start? ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987/20 "2002-12-06T20:14:34Z")
_#Do your balls hang low? Can you swing 'em to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow? Do you get a funny feeling when you hang 'em from the ceiling? Oh, you’ll never be a sailor if your balls hang low.#_ Sorry. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thanksgiving-tale-of-whoa-or-now-it-can-be-tolld-tmi/140987.md?page=2)